Posted by: gymcandy1

TGIF - 03/28/13 11:30 PM

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen

Chicken Crossing

Ever wonder why the chicken crossed the road?

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

BILL CLINTON: That depends on what your definition of "did" is.

GEORGE BUSH JR: I don't know, but I'll tell you this: That chicken may run, but it can't hide. God bless America.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: Did you actually see it cross the road? Or did you suddenly notice that it had appeared on the other side? You think you saw it cross the road, but that's an illusion. How many more chickens have to appear before you believe it?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken Millenium Edition, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book, and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: What color was the chicken? If you do your research, you will find that it was a white chicken. Roads are always black. The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: You mean I missed one?!

Church Bloopers

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers...

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs... Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

IT'S FRIDAY!!! dance

In Okie language that means, "I'M OFF/WOO HOO/NA NA NA NA NA/HA HA HA HA HA HA/I'M SO HAPPY/I think I may be going insane insane ?HEY! That's what I said" thumbsup

I think I may be rained in today. We're "supposed" to have rain all day. duh

If I'm rained in then I'm prepared for it. I have a gallon of paint to repaint the kitchen. sherlock

I also bought a tube of caulk to seal my sister in her bedroom. chocobunny

She loves me. She loves me not. taz

have a happy day everyone.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 03/28/13 11:40 PM

lol Thanks for the chuckles Joe! You sure know how to party on your day off. lol I hope it doesn't rain all day so you can go out and walk with Baby.

I'll be going to dance in the morning and then I hope to be heading out on my bike. I should wash my floors, but I just don't want to.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Posted by: Haroula

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 03:11 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana and all wave
Have all a happy day. bunny
Posted by: cailyn

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 03:54 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula and all who follow me in waveAna I know what you mean about not wanting to wash your floors,I should be washing mine also but it's just not in me tiredCoffee is on hope you all have a happy Friday bunny easter
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 05:46 AM

easter Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Wishing everyone a peaceful Good Friday. easter
Posted by: venus

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 06:11 AM

Hello and goodbye. wave Have a great Friday, everyone. bunny
Posted by: GBC

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 06:16 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, I'm sure your sister loves you dearly.

Ana, enjoy your bike ride.

Haroula, happy day to you also.

Cailyn, coffee sounds great!

Gerry, have a great day.

Venus, enjoy your workday.

I'll be off on my routine venture but I'll be back soon. Wishing everyone a wonderful Good Friday! easter
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 06:27 AM

spring Good morning venus and Gail. Hope the sun shines on your day! spring
Posted by: Midge

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 06:36 AM

Good morning. I have an early shift today. See you after work. Have a good one. Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, venus, Gail, and all who come in today.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: connie

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 08:02 AM

Good morning everyone. Midge, prayers and hugs are on the way. hearts To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. My computer friend says we need to look into new hard drives. Ours are very noisey and not performing as well as they should. He will check around for some good ones that don't cost an arm and a leg. We've had frost the last 3 mornings and next week it,s going to be in the high 80's. It sure is crazy weather. Danish, Omelets, and Hot chocolate in the NC. chocobunny easter
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 09:27 AM

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to dance I go! woot Catch you all after I burn some calories.

Have a happy day!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 11:16 AM

Fantastic Friday ya'll wave

Son is off to work. Hubby took the day off to help with the boys. Mr. Gunk seems to have taken up permanent residency. Must find a way to evict him. puppy
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 11:25 AM

Hiho, hiho, it's off to work I go!! lol Helping a friend move today and granddaughter is moving also. Should be a great day!!!

May you all have a wonderfully klovely day!!

Posted by: Darlene

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 12:15 PM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope the rain stays away and you're able to head hunt today!

Midgie, prayers of strength going up for you and your family! hearts Big hugs to you! hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Decided to take the day off, so I slept in and it was wonderful. Hubby was up early for a round of
racquetball before seeing clients.

Easy peasy day planned.

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 12:58 PM

I am officially danced out, dig a quick run up 25 floors on the stair master, and a yoga class. I heard Merlin was a banshee while I was gone and is ready for a run, so despite the fact I know better. I am taking him out for a short 1 mile run. Long enough to let him burn some energy and hopefully he will not hurt worse.

Be back in a bit...
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 01:23 PM

Nan, have fun moving. And God Bless you for helping. wave

Darlene, enjoy your day!

Ana, I hope Merlin has fun.

I am "off" to do our taxes, always a lot of fun....Not!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 03:07 PM

Well the U-Haul is all loaded with everything but the freezer and scooter and they will go on in the morning.

Time now to relax before I have to get ready so the taxi can run and then be off to work the fish fry!

L4l have fun with the taxes. May all go well for ya!

Darlene glad you chose for an extra day off. Enjoy!!!

Ana I am worn out reading about all you did this morning. lol Have a nice run with the dogs and hope Merlin comes through with little or no side affects!!

Have a wonderful rest of the day everybody!!!

Posted by: Lotus777

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 03:10 PM

Good Morning Boomies! Spring is here, at least for today!! It is in the low 70's and I'd be doing cartwheels if I could!! Instead I will get drunk on the sunshine. spring I hope Merlin has a good time, Ana, without bad results. They are so precious to us. Midgie, my heart goes out to you and your family. Prayers for all of you. My dogs are begging to go out and smell the warm air and play and dig...oh how they like to dig!!! Hope everyone has a great day and Happy Gaming!! wave
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 03:53 PM

Finally made contact with my yard kid. He called to ask if I hated him and could I forgive him. Sigh. Then he came over and we chatted. I told him I don't hate him, nothing to forgive BUT I wanted a definite day and time to get my yard done, no excuses, no cancellations, no lies.

We agreed on Sunday at 10 am. I have little confidence that he will show. I do however now have his schedule for his DUI classes. Aha. Tricked him into letting me copy it. 12 weeks 18 classes and counseling. All after 5 pm so he's totally been lying about all the 'other' times he went to class and had to cancel the yard work. I already knew that. He's not remembering all the stories he has told me and I'm not going to try to 'fix' him. Too much effort. I'll be thrilled if he shows on Sunday and does a good job.

To illustrate his way of thinking: When he came yesterday at 5 pm, he said he had worked all day but would do my front yard right then. Ummmm, didn't he just tell me he had to be at his first DUI class at 5:30? I have a good memory. It took me 5 minutes of convincing to get him to hurry off to his class and not cut my yard. The class is only 2 blocks from here, but 5 pm to 5:30 AND cutting grass?? Geez. His brain just doesn't work right. Poor kid.

So I wait. I told him that if he failed to show on Sunday at 10 am, I would get someone else to do the job. Hopefully he will show. Hate to throw him out when he's been doing stuff for me for 4 plus years now. Hoping for the best. duh
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 04:24 PM

Ahhhh, taxes mostly done...missing some 1099's which we can pick up on Monday. Hubby at the park with the boys. Sky bringing me everything in the den that he can pick up. Heading up to lie down for a bit before it's time to make dinner. wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 05:06 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 05:13 PM

I am officially exhausted. I don't even have the strength to hit the showers which I definitely need. I ended walking up the dogs 2 miles because Merlin was keeping a reasonable pace and not flying around at top speed. Then I went to the river on my bike and made it 18 miles. Not bad for my second outing and after all the other stuff. I found a dead coyote today too. sad Much tinier than they appear when I see them running around.

be back...maybe I can make it to the shower.
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 07:01 PM

Awww Ana, dead coyote, how sad.

And in other news: My yard kid called, on a totally different matter! He and his sister-in-law had taken in a roommate and they want her out. He says she's weird and bossy, and accusing them of stealing, etc. So he wanted me to write up an eviction type notice to get rid of her. I asked about her being on the actual lease/rental agreement or having any written anything. He doesn't think so, so I just did a generic, please move out in 30 days notice. Very official, very legal. I should charge for my legal services. rotfl I even included the option of moving out BEFORE 30 days just in case she might want to get out early, so they know they have to return some of her rent, etc. Landlord stuff, I'm an expert. Ugh.
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 07:02 PM

Ana, you make me tired reading about what you did.

I went to bed and became totally unconscious for a couple of hours. Hubby and son home now. Son cooking dinner, good for him after working all day. Hubby putting new hard drive in his computer to see if that will fix all the problems he's been having.

Back later wave
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 08:51 PM

Have a great weekend everyone. thumbsup
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 09:30 PM

Hey gang. wave

My TGIF off was a good one.

We still haven't gotten any.......rain. rolleyes

I went out with Baby and walked, and dug around on the hill, without finding anything. cry

Came back and visited with my cousin, and her hubby, who came up from Houston to see Mom. bravo

Then.......I painted the kitchen. thumbsup

Good day. dance

Nice weather. woot

Tomorrow I work 10:00 to 7:00.

Dr Who is back tomorrow night. penguin

Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 11:01 PM

Well the taxi is parked for the night. My feet and back aren't too happy with me for the moment, but too bad. Was an all in all good day!

Ana I think it has something to do lwith kreading about all that you did and now they have empathy for you. lol Nothing like jumping right on in head first. lol Glad you enjoyed your free time!!

L4l glad the taxes are mustly done. Nice that son did the cooking tonight. Enjoy!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 03/29/13 11:28 PM

I am exhausted Nan, not going to lie. lol I have been in the corner way too long, I have to tale advantage of every moment.
I am glad you had a good day too. I hope your back feels better in the morning.

Joe, how is mom doing?

SpaceQ, any fun plans?

L4L, are you feeling up to the play tomorrow?

Sorta, I hope your boy snaps to it and realizes that he has a great gig going. So sad.
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 03/30/13 12:42 AM

Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!