Hump Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Hump Day - 04/16/13 11:39 PM

Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. In a giant blender.
Homer Simpson

Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildly
swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping
on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.

As a group they decided that one of the party should let go.
If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.

For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.

Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would
sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
All the blondes applauded.

rolleyes Yeah yeah yeah, I think I've seen that movie before.

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.

For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that's bad.

Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad.

Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned.

Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"

The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.

I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".

"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?

"About 10 minutes ago", replied the man.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle."

"And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I spent most of the day yesterday painting. slapforehead

I am truly tired now.... think....last night.

The heat is already getting to me, my sinuses, and throat are suffering.

It's going to be a long day. I have to take Josh to Dallas tonight to catch a flight home. frown

Anyway it's a two hour trip, one way. razz

It's supposed to be a stormy day today so we'll see how that affects the drive. yes

Well........ think I hope you found the jokes funny. lol

Have a happy day everyone.


Evie that's a long story. I'll tell ya about it when you have about 55 years to kill.
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 02:44 AM

Good morning Joe,and all who arrive later wave Yesterday I got up the temp was 30, it's now 55 quite a difference.Maybe spring will peek it's head in on us!A large pot of coffee is brewing have a great day everyone puppy
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 02:48 AM

Good morning Joe,Sue and all who come in later wave
Have all a happy day. spring
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 05:54 AM

bunny Good morning Joe, Cailyn and Haroula. Joe have a safe trip to Dallas. Cailyn coffee is great! Thanks. Haroula enjoy your day. A peaceful Day wished for all! bunny
Posted by: connie

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 07:49 AM

Good morning everyone. Not sure what's on the agenda for the day yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Hump day. Danish, Omelets, and Waffles in the NC. spring
Posted by: GBC

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 08:28 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a super day!

Cailyn, Coffee is early this morning. Thanks.

Haroula, happy day wished for you.

Gerry, good morning.

Connie, enjoy whatever you decide to do today.

Beautiful day here today. Dog walking this morning then sitting outside reading and enjoying the weather this afternoon.
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 10:01 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a safe drive to Dallas and a very happy Hump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 11:16 AM

Ho Ho Joe!! Hope the rain is over or holds off till you have gone to Dallas and back! Enjoy the remainder of your visit with son! Thanks for the laughs!!

Haroula have a lovely kday!

Cailyn glad it is warmer there now, enjoy! Thanks for the coffee.

Gerry have a nice walk and a nice day!

Connie have fun whatever you find to do. Are the computers back and working good??? Thanks for the danish!

Gail have a nice walk with the dogs. Me and Sassy did a mile plus this morning early as we are under a winter storm watch and it is kind of knocking at our door already. Have a lovely day!

Darlene may everything go smoothly today! Have a lovely day!

Ana hope the corner is being kind to you!!

Not sure what's up for today but I have been informed that the taxi is not running tonight. That's OK as it is my daughters birthday today. Must find something to do. Most of the plans are for the weekend though.

Have a wonderful day all!

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 11:57 AM

Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Some of you guys were up early early early eek

The doggies and I are just back from our ramble. I had to play drag-a-dog more than usual today. There were several folks cutting grass and trimming. The cut grass set off my asthma and the noise made the dogs a little skittish, but all in all, we did it. happydance

Now home to do the usual...laundry, books, dogs and to cut that watermelon I bought yesterday to see if it's any good.

Joe, hope the drive is uneventful.

Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 02:01 PM

Happy Hump Day!!! Still pretty chilly here in the NW. Big clouds scurrying by but no moisture thus far. I am off to bake my fun cake. I will let you know how it goes, L4L. Hellos to all who come here today and Happy Gaming everyone!! wave
Posted by: flutist

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 02:08 PM

Hiya everyone.

We are under a tornado watch till 10 tonight. Also flash floods for areas around us. Heavy rains with hail. Yuck. Hope we don't get them.

Tomorrow night, we have to go to a visitation and service for a neighbor. Saw her last Sat. night and she was fine. Sunday afternoon, she killed herself. This is so tragic. She was only 53. It was a real shock to all the neighbors.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 02:59 PM

Yipes, woke to 20 degrees this morn. Now warming up nicely.

Bets, so sorry to hear about your friend.
Also, may you stay safe.

Almost warm enough to head out for some yard work so wish all a great day.
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 03:12 PM

Hope it is a tasty as it sounds Lotus, enjoy!

Bets, we'll be lifting you guys up. So sorry to hear about your neighbor.

Trippy, have fun in the yard and give the doggies a treat for me please. wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 03:15 PM

L4l grass cutting???? We can hardly see the grass let alone cut it. lol Hope the back is well after such a walk.

Lotus keep those storms and rain there please. lol Just kidding.

Oh my Bets. That had to be a shocker. eek Prayers for all involved for strength and understanding. HUGS! Be safe in the kstorms.

Trippy glad it is warmed up so you can get out and work in the yard.

Very cloudy and windy here but nothing falling from the sky yet. lol

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 03:55 PM

Oh flutist, so sorry about the neighbor. It's always so sad when someone takes their own life, leaving everyone with questions that will never be answered. Been there. Prayers for all the neighbors and the families involved.

Went out shopping for a 'power station'. One of those battery jumper, tire inflator, DC 12 volt and AC port thingies for emergencies. I'm soooo confused now. My male friend says that generally I should look for one that weighs a lot. rotfl He may be right since the heavier they were, the more they cost and more stuff they did. I am still searching for something that will do AC/DC and jump a battery and charge stuff. Radio/compressor optional. Anyone recommended a good brand or model?
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 04:24 PM

Thanks for the laughs Joe. thanks
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 05:42 PM

Hello everybody. wave

I've had a lazy day, and yet I feel totally depleted. tired

Josh's flight has been pushed back, and pushed back. He was scheduled to fly through Denver where they have snow coming down. shocked

They're telling him they don't know what will happen, or if the thing might get completely cancelled tonight, so he can come to the airport and wait and see, or he could reschedule and catch a flight tomorrow.

He's trying to decide what to do. He's scheduled to be back at work tomorrow. smirk

I'd like t have him here on more night, and I'm not thrilled at all at driving to Dallas tonight, but I will if that's what he decides to do. yes

I hope you're all having a good day. yes

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 06:20 PM

Good afternoon boomies! We have a very stormy day here. Hail this morning and now my backyard is already flooding and we only began the 2 day storm.

I am no longer in the corner, someone else took over. sad Instead I spent the day taking apart my computer to remove a piece of plastic that was left on in assembly that caused my computer to overheat. I am proud to say after some struggles I am now up and running.

be back
Posted by: Midge

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 08:24 PM

Hi fellow boomies. I had today off. I did as little as possible. rotfl. What a relaxing day. Got some errands taken cared of, did a little shopping at the grocery store, and did a little cleaning. That's been about my day. I loved it. Tomorrow morning I go to the Boston pain Clinic to get checked. As far as I know, everything is OK.

I hope you all had a good day. I had my windows open to let in the fresh air. What a beautiful day.

See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 09:26 PM

Sorry about your computer issue Ana. Awfully glad you're back with us now. hearts

Midgie cudos to you for a relaxing day off. kissy

I know I'm enjoying my six days off. dance

Gonna have to leave pretty early tomorrow to get Josh to DFW through rush hour traffic. razz

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 09:32 PM

Joe, did you have to go back to get Josh? I have two computers so it's hard to lose me, but if my gaming machine is down, I can't work. sad
Do you have storms too? I see Okie on our warnings list.

Midgie, it's good to have a day off. I am glad you took it easy. Good luck tomorrow! hearts
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 09:52 PM

Ana Josh spoke with the airline and they more or less said his best bet is to wait. He since found out his flight out of Denver would be leaving on time the problem is that it would be leaving Denver before his flight leaves Dallas.

He got someone to cover his shift tomorrow. bravo

We have storm watches, but so far the activity is all West of us. frown
Posted by: Midge

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 09:54 PM

Joe safe trip for your son tomorrow.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 09:54 PM

Good night Boomers. sleep
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 10:17 PM

Sweet dreams SpaceQ.

I just heard about the massive explosion in Waco Texas. Explosion
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 04/17/13 11:55 PM

Joe,Prayers for the Band around you as you take Josh to the airport and back and around him as he is traveling. May he have a safe flight!!

Good for you Midge for having an easy day! thumbsup

Time to head to bed cause I am tired of watching the snow fall. Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!