Posted by: gymcandy1

Sunday's - 04/27/13 10:29 PM

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.
Woody Allen

Winter Blonde

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out
her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and
are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.

She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the
says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks
the truck door.

The trucker rolls down the window.. Again she says "Hi, my name is
and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs
to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in WISCONSIN and

I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!

A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue ...

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished,and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"


The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'
Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'
St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
How many seconds are there in a year?
What is God's first name?
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.'
Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.
'How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.' Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?
Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '
'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'?
'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song,

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'

A Real Man

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to
express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure
she always feels as though she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable
her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.

No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.
Never mind.

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Boy howdy it seems like I just did this. crazy

Maybe I just dreamed that I just did it while dozing off here on the couch. sleep

Why can't I dream I'm doing other things here on the couch. evil

Never mind. The couch is not that comfortable. lol

Have a happy day everyone. dance

Posted by: MaG

Re: Sunday's - 04/27/13 11:25 PM

Thanks, Joe.

Hello everyone - have a nice day! wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday's - 04/27/13 11:42 PM

Joe, if I really did the things I dreamt that I did I'd be scared. lol In fact we all should be scared. rotfl

I hope work goes well for you and you have a happy day!

MaG hearts

I'll be in the corner most of the day but I will be taking advantage of the 70's and sunshine somehow.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
Posted by: venus

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 12:07 AM

Joe, hope you make it to your bed and don't pass out on the couch again. lol Have a great day.

Have a terrific Sunday, MaG.

Hope your project goes well, Ana. Glad you're getting some warmer weather. thumbsup

It's late Saturday night for me, and I'm headed to bed. Fiance and I just watched the Les Miserables movie, and it was fantastic. bravo People seem to want to compare it to the Broadway production - which I've seen and loved - but I think each just enhances the other, and don't have to be in competition with one another. And I still want to play Fantine. evil

But until that time, I have to get up to work tomorrow morning. grin So in case I don't have time to post then, have a terrific Sunday, everyone. spring
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 12:40 AM

Have a great Sunday everyone. smile
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 02:39 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy Sunday and hope your work day goes smoothly!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Still late Saturday evening for me....

Just got home from seeing Hubby's two sisters and their Hubby's! What fun! We had a ball, sitting around the dining room table talking, reminiscing, good! smile

I get to sleep in tomorrow, so I'm up for a little gaming tonight...


To all abed, sleep To all awake, woot
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 03:24 AM

Good morning everyone,have all a happy and relaxing Sunday wave spring
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 03:44 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,MaG,SpaceQ,Venus,Darlene,Haroula,and all who arrive later wave 70's here also Ana I'm so ready for some warmth!Coffee is ready! hopeing everyone has a nice peaceful day spring
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 05:34 AM

spring Good Morning Joe,MaG, Ana, SpaceQ, venus , Darlene, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe happy dreams. MaG so nice to see you in the Diner! Ana don't work to hard. SpaceQ enjoy your day too. Darlene I remember my family gathering around the dining table playing cards, laughing and just enjoying each others' company! Those were the days when everyone lived closer together! Haroula, venus, and Cailyn enjoy the sunshine! A relaxing day wished for all! spring
Posted by: GBC

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 06:15 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope your workday runs smoothly.

Ana, wishing you an easy corner day.

Venus, have a great day.

MaG, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day. Nice to see you in the Diner.

Space, good morning.

Darlene, enjoy your sleep-in.

Haroula, happy day!

Cailyn, coffee please and thank you.

Gerry, enjoy your Sunday.

Connie, have a great day.

Church this morning then a nice family day. cat
Posted by: connie

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 06:40 AM

Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and a Sam's trip today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Apple Turnovers, French Toast, and Omelets in the NC. spring
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 09:09 AM

I loved the jokes today Joe. rotfl
Posted by: soot

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 09:23 AM

Good morning Joe MaG Ana Venus SQF Darlene Haroula Sue Gerry Gail Connie and the rest of the gang when you are up and at em this Sunday woot

Thanks for the openers Joe .. must admit the Forest exam was quite clever and caught my eye in more ways than one

Hello MaG .. you have a nice day too!

Enjoy the 70s and sunshine Ana .. we're scheduled for clouds and thunderstorms .. but, rain is good

Have a good day at work Venus .. glad you enjoyed the movie

Yes Gerry and Darlene, reminiscing with family is so much fun and laughing is good medicine for every body!

Thank you for the coffee and snacks Sue and Connie .. we never go for want in the diner thumbsup

Drive safe this morning Gail and enjoy the family day!

Well .. hopefully the WX will cooperate with L4L and I today so we can take the buddy boys for a walk .. in the meantime I'm off to garden while enjoying my music .. I hearts my weekends .. take care one and all and we'll see you round the internet


L4L kissy

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 10:26 AM

Super Sunday ya'll puppy

I woke up to a nice quiet day, at least for a while. I'm gonna coffee up and then head on out to walk the monkeys. I let my leg rest yesterday, so I'm interested to see how it feels today. I have a lot of books stacked up that needs reading so I might just pile back into bed after our walk and work on the stack. wave Time will tell wink
Posted by: Gimli

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 10:51 AM

Good Sunday morning Boomers

My painy head got in the way again, so I couldn't come online. Much better today, so I'am here... wave

Weather isn't much in Switzerland. Rain, cold, a bit like in autumn. Should get better at the end of next week. It's about time!

Next Sunday hubby and I will drive to Italy. I really must do the pit fire now to be on time with the objects for my June exhibition. Please everybody cross your fingers that the weather in Italy will get better.... a lot.

Anybody ever played URU live (online)? I know I should ask in the right forum, but I don't want to stay online much because of my head (good or flimsy excuse? blush ).

I wish all of you a happy Sunday. Keep smiling!

Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 11:32 AM

Hi ho Joe hope that work flies and goes well. Only a couple more and ya might get some time off. lol Thanks for the laughs.

Howdy MaG have a lovely day!

Ana enjoy the run with the dogs and hope the ticks stay away!! grin We are at about 57. happydance AND me and Sassy done did a really long hike already!! Hope the corner is being kind!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry hope the knee is better and you are back walking. Have a nice day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

venus may work fly and go well. One day that dream will come confident!!!

Gail enjoy church and the nice relaxing family time!!

Connie have a nice walk and a fun time shopping. Thanks for the danish!

Space enjoy the day today!!

Soot have a nice walk and enjoy the day at home!

L4l hope the leg and back are better today! Have a nice walk.

Evelyne HUGS!!! Hope the head is all better and stays that way. May the weather in Italy be just the way that you need for it to be!!! Prayers for the Band around you and hubby as you are traveling!! hearts

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 11:51 AM

Good morning boomies. I got to bed at 2 and the grandpuppies woke me at 6. Unacceptable! lol It's going to be a long day. Having them here always reminds me what wonderful well trained dogs I have. grin

Evelyne. I am sorry your head is speaking back to you again. If anyone wants to answer the Uru question please answer it here and not in the Diner. thanks

Nan, the ticks are a daily battle. It's to the point I can feel them crawling on me when they aren't there!

Back to the corner for me...have a great day!
Posted by: SharonB

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 12:01 PM

Good morning Gameboomers! wave It's a nice relaxing Sunday. No therapy today. Still doing my countdown for my incarceration grin

Sorry about the head problems Gimli. Hope everyone has a nice day. I will be playing some and hope you will too! dance catrub
Posted by: soot

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 01:21 PM

Hey hey Evelyne .. we hope your painy head and Italy's bad weather both go away .. now! and not later! Safe travels

Happy Sunday Nan and Sharon .. and good gaming to you

Oh Ana .. I know your daily battle .. we pick too after a jaunt in our favorite areas eek

Posted by: Haroula

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 04:26 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 08:47 PM

Long day, did practically nothing. Dunno why I'm so tired. Watching YouTube episodes of UK cops shows. Found 999: What's Your Emergency?, Cops, Bouncers, Night Cops, Law and Disorder, Drunk and Disorderly, and Traffic Cops. Wow. I'm hooked. Different from our US Cops shows and very good stuff.
Posted by: Midge

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 09:00 PM

Hi all. I had a busy day today. Worked a split shift. My tummy isn't very good today. I muddled through though. Can't call in sick. The weather was wonderful. Sun and close to 70. Perfect. Joe your openers were very funny. Still am not crazy about blonde jokes though. I forgive you. Another split shift tomorrow. Ana are you near all the flooding? I worry about you. Hi MaG kissy

Gonna relax now before I have to call it a night. See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts spring chocobunny taz
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 09:45 PM

Midgie, there was lots of flooding around me but my house is safe. No worries. Sorry your tummy is no good. I hope a good nights sleep will remedy that.

It was a long long miserable day today. My grandpuppies were av living terror and then after I let them outside they broke my fence and took off and then a large dog unknown to me decided to come in through the broken fence and stay. Found my grandpuppies, called the police to pick up the stray and then found the owner driving around looking for his dog so I told him he can get it at the police station.
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 10:03 PM

Ahhh Ana, not a fun day at all. I'm sorry.

I am off to bed with a book, or perhaps, to watch some stuff from the dvr. Sweet dreams all sleep
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 11:19 PM

I am so thankful this day is over...sweet dreams everyone!

Ana sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Sunday's - 04/28/13 11:51 PM

Aw Ana...HUGS!!! Sounds like they need some training. lol Poor fence. Glad you were able to find them though.

Enjoy the book or movie L4l!!

Night Midge sounds like you had some nice weather there today and hope you could enjoy some of it!

Sorta the neighborhood being too quiet????? lol

Howdy Sharon, soon you will be free!!! WooHoo!!

Time here to find my pillow. Night everybody!!