Hump Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Hump Day - 05/01/13 12:00 AM

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? (1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. (2) Advising the President. (3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
- David Letterman

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied..

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians...' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

David staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, David sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood..

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, David woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

David said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Good morning everyboomie. urock

A two day weekend. Finally, finally FINALLY!! penguin

I'ma sooooo hoppy. chocobunny

I'm so happy I could.........................................think
I'ma sooooo hoppy. grin

I wonder what I'll do today.

Probably as little as possible, which rules out just about everything but breathing. razz

I hope your day is a breath of fresh air. yes

Have a happy day everyone. dance

I've gotta go put more band-aids on my bum. blush


Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 02:06 AM

Good morning everyone,time to go,have all a nice day wave happydance
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 03:25 AM

Good morning Joe,Haroula waveJoe glad you got a 2 day weekend off rahThe campground is opened today which means the dogs are back on the leashes they won't be happy campers! puppyNan that sounds like some crazy weather headed your way eek Coffee is a brewing a happy day wished for all spring
Posted by: Gimli

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 04:43 AM

Good morning Boomers

Joe: I hope your 2 days off will go by soooooo slow that you will have time to sleep, eat, play games, go hiking with baby, go head hunting and so on (an endless list of happy things to do)!
Have fun!

Haroula: safe travels and have fun too

Sue: happy day and give the leashed dogs a hug

Ana: and a big bear hug to your sis from me please kissy

Niteowl: I'd love living in the desert! My zodiac sign is scorpion. Glad you can profit from neighbour's car to buy supplies for the new work area. Will we see pictures of the finished work area some day? happydance

Nan: Abbi-Roze is soooo cute!! yes

Here in Switzerland and also in Germany and Austria is a holiday today. 1st of May is always Labor-Day. I must work today just the same: have to do Mum's taxes before we drive to Italy. So pencil is behind my ear, eraser in my pocket, calculator on the desk... let's start with the fun... sleep...

See you later. Happy day to all of you.

Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 05:25 AM

penguin Good Morning Joe, Haroula, Cailyn and Gimli. Joe have fun today! dance Haroula what are you up to today? smile Cailyn your busy season is here already! woozy Wishing all a wonderful day! penguin
Posted by: GBC

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 06:36 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, Yay for you. Enjoy your days off. Are you planning to head hunt today?

Haroula, happy day to you.

Cailyn, enjoy the camp opening I know the dogs won't.

Evelyne, happy holiday!

Gerry, good day to you.

Nice dog-walking morning here. Will sit out and do some reading this afternoon. Church tonight.

Happy May Day to all! spring
Posted by: connie

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 07:15 AM

Good morning everyone. Sis will be here later this afternoon. She will probably stay until Saturday. Ana, hugs for your sis. Nan, your great granddaughter is a real cutie. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, BB Pancakes, French Toast and Muffins in the NC. spring
Posted by: soot

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 08:39 AM

Good morning Joe Haroula Sue Evelyne Gerry Gail Connie and the rest of the Diner Gang when you are up and at em for Wednesday

Joe, whatever you do today .. have fun

Connie, have a great day with your sister

Have a great walk Gail .. I enjoy my walks with L4L and our dogs on the weekends

Enjoy the day Gerry Sue and Haroula

Evelyne, not to worry as I am working too today .. hopefully work will be brisk and the day will go quickly

I'm off to garden and then it will be time to head for work .. take care everyone

L4L hearts


Posted by: flutist

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 08:43 AM

Good morning friends.

Got to go to Tar-jay and other places this morning. Then have to work on a photo I scanned and also some music I put on Finale. Busy day, me thinks.

Gotta go.

Posted by: venus

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 09:40 AM

Good morning, everyone. wave I'm off today, but this is still going to be a quick post since I have errands to run and singing to do before fiance gets home. smile Hopefully, tomorrow, I'll be able to stop and breathe a bit more. lol

Hope everyone here has a fantastic Wednesday! spring
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 10:02 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers, and I hope your Hump Day is hoppy too! chocobunny

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 10:26 AM

Joe enjoy your time off and just do the things you want to do!! Thanks for the laughs!

Haroula have a lovely time today at hubby's village!! happydance

Cailyn thanks for the coffee. I see you will be busy now for awhile. May the dogs adjust quickly!!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Evelyne enjoy the holiday but sorry you have to work. Hope your mom's taxes aren't as complicated as ours can be. She sure is a little cutie!! hearts

Gail enjoy a nice walk with the dogs and a good book for afternoon reading!!

Connie have a lovely visit!! Thanks, she sure is. Hope the weather is nice for the visit. Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Soot may work fly and go well. Have a nice day!

Bets sounds like a busy day.....have fun!!

Darlene may work fly and everything go smoothly! Have a nice day!

I am off to the surgeons office! If all goes well I'll see ya later. Have a lovely day!

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 10:41 AM

Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Tis supposed to be raining here, so not sure if I can time it right and get us all walked in between drops. I know there is laundry and bookkeeping in my future. Not sure what else will happen but for sure something will. wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 10:46 AM

Off to go hiking with Peter and sis. Rough night, a coyote killed a neighbors dog that roamed free and the sounds still haunt me. I hope I can shake it off today.

Nan, this is not the time to see the park. 3/4 of the park is still closed due to damage and flooding. Good luck at the surgeon! hearts Abbi Roze is a a doll!

Gotta run, happy day everyone!
Posted by: Gimli

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 11:42 AM

Hello again wave

Mum's taxes done (Nan: taxes here are difficult enough woozy).. and now it's supper time here and then I'am off to bed early.

Nan: all the best with surgeon appt. HUGS and kissy

Ana: I'am sorry you had to listen to such cruel sounds. Poor doggy too. I wish you and sis and Peter a nice walk! kissy

And I wish everyboomie a wonderful day and a relaxing evening with puppy and cat

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 12:26 PM

Evelyne, so glad you finished mum's taxes thumbsup

The doggies and I beat the rain, braved the wind, and got our walk in. I'm gonna feed the monkeys and then ice my achilles/leg. It is doing much better so don't want to fall backwards.

Ana, I hope you have a lovely time. We heard 2 what-we-think-were-gunshots last night while we were getting ready for bed. I reported to the police, and really hope it was fireworks. Our area has always been very quiet, so that was a little unsettling as we had the windows open and the fan running last night.

Posted by: Mike N

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 01:37 PM

Woh, Payday Friday!!!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 04:17 PM

Well I am home and sore and tired. lol But this shall pass. They told me it could be numb for eight hours and that is fine with me. Only drawback is I can't eat. think One way to drop a pound or two. lol

Ana have a lovely time hiking!!! Such a lovely place to hike at from the pics I've seen.

L4l glad you were able to get in a nice walk before the rain!!

Mike now that is something to look forward too. lol Have a lovely day!

Evelyne glad the taxes are finishe for another year!! Have a nice relaxing evening and sleep well.

Off with the taxi, but just dropping them off and coming home!

Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 04:26 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 04:40 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 04:48 PM

Nan, take care. wave

Quest, how's your day been?

Sweet dreams, Haroula sleep
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 06:25 PM

Hello everybody. wave

Just as soon as I got up this morning I saw a text from my buddy Shane. He wanted to go to his happy hunting ground and wanted to know if I wanted to go. Duh!! lol

So we went and I found 5 pieces including This Little Beauty . penguin

We were out there quite a while in hot sunshine and I am ..... tired

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 06:43 PM

Wow, Joe, that is beautiful puppy
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 07:03 PM

Thanks L4L. It's so thin I can't believe it survived all this time unbroken.....almost. It is missing the very tip. yes

Hello Mike. Haven't seen you in the diner before, so welcome.

Evie I keep missing you . I hope you are doing ok, and things are better with the parents. yes

Posted by: Midge

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 08:36 PM

Hi fellow boomies. I'm home from work and just hangin out in the diner for a few. Hey Gail, how many doggies do you have? I know you go dog walking but I don't think I've ever asked you what kind of dog do you have and if you have more than one? I still miss my Buddy. There is a hole in my heart where he used to be. sad Maybe someday I'll be able to afford another dog or a cat. Where I live it'll cost me an extra 50 dollars a month to own a dog, and 40 dollars a month if I want a cat. I can't afford either so far but I'm looking forward to owning another pet. It'll happen, I just know it. smile

Midgie hearts
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 10:38 PM

Just a quick tired fly by. I wish I could address everyone personally but am tired!! Had to be up in Coos Bay all day so very glad to come home and address the couch instead..... blush.. Have a good night everyone, sweet dreams and Happy Gaming in whatever order you prefer. sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 05/01/13 11:48 PM

Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!