Posted by: gymcandy1

TGIF - 05/02/13 11:58 PM

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.
Henny Youngman

Rejected Hallmark Cards

"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:...
-- What was I thinking?"

"Congratulations on your wedding day!...
-- Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful as you....
-- have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love...
-- After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...
-- I never believed in Hell until I met you."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
-- that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me...
-- Like the need for therapy."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!...
-- I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Before you go,...
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
-- You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married...
-- but not to you."

"You look great for your age...
-- Almost Lifelike!"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me...
-- Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend...
-- So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very long time...
-- What do you say we call it quits?"

"I'm so miserable without you...
-- It's almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
-- Did you ever find out who the father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
-- I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

Those were rejected? Some of those were great!! grin

Get Out Of The Car

(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida) An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A
little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do
you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing,
ballooning, or rock climbing ?"

"No, I don't," I said.

He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?"

"No," I said. "I've never done any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why the heck do you care if you live to be 80?"

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Happy TGIF, woot or Monday if you're a poor transplanted Texan in SE Oklacomatose. tired

Existing in this state does have it's advantages though.

I can sleep through the next three work days and no one will even notice. razz

They're quite used to me sleeping on the job, after almost 5 years of it.

It's actually the reason I have to take sleeping pills when I go to bed at home. eek

OH YES! Thank God for sleeping pills. My other way to get to sleep was giving me too many concussions. hardwall

The callouses were getting so thick on my forehead I was starting to look like a unicorn. cool

Have a happy day everyone. dance

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 12:05 AM

Joe, I hope you have a refreshing sleep and an equally wonderful day! hearts

I have an early deadline for one of the two projects I have so I will be up late. I have a two hour Salsa Funk MS fundraiser at night that's an hour away so I hope I have the energy.

Have a happy day everyone!
Posted by: Haroula

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 03:25 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana and all wave
Have all a nice day happydance
Posted by: cailyn

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 03:49 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula,and all who stop by later wave Coffee is ready wishing you all a great Friday!!! puppy
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 04:19 AM

chocobunny Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe how about some meditation to help you sleep! Ana good luck with your projects. Haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn I ready for that coffee. Thanks. Wishing All a great day! chocobunny
Posted by: GBC

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 08:08 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope you slept well last night.

Ana, wishing you an easy day with your projects.

Haroula, goo day to you.

Cailyn, how's the campground coming along?

Gerry, have a great day.

Girls have a half day at school so we'll do some shopping this afternoon. Wishing everyone a super day! spring
Posted by: SharonB

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 09:55 AM

Good morning all! 10 days and counting... Feeling pretty strong and like my old self now, Looney.

I don't know how you ladies manage with so many pets. I have one cat and she needs a lot of attention. I'm afraid I'm going home to a skinny cat... cat

I've got physical therapy next, then I can play on the computer. penguin happydance
Have a good gaming day!!
Posted by: Darlene

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 10:04 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope your TGIF is terrific!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's the weekend!! woot

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 10:11 AM

Good morning Sharon. Nice to see you in the diner again. Hope your PT goes well. wink

Good morning everybody. wave

It is an awesome day here, and I have to go to work. frown

I hate mid shifts (10 to 7), but then I hate closing even more, so I guess I should be happy. duh

My little Baby went out and tangled with a possum last night, and got a nasty gash under her eye. When she came back in she was bleeding pretty bad. sad

I got the bleeding stopped, and it looks much better this morning.

Night before last I let her out and she immediately went after the possum, and I had to grab her and take her back in the house. Unfortunately the possum comes around every night. smirk

She'll be ok, but I hope she's learned her lesson. puppy

I hope everyone has a super day today. yay

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 10:42 AM

Joe, Baby needs the vet. When my boys got into a scuffle with the raccoon they had to get a booster rabies and a deep cleaning of the wound. I am surprised the Opossum didn't faint. They just drop over in my yard when I let the dogs out. Maybe because my dogs are bigger?

I have to stay in the corner so I'll catch you all later. hearts
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 11:13 AM

Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Another gray day here. I'll be off to the park in a second to try to beat the rain with the doggies. Boys will be here 3ish. Son will race from work to home to trade cars, and then meet ex and then back here.

The wee ones were so cute at soccer last night. Most of them are pretty clueless though there was one dad putting a lot of pressure on his 5 year old rolleyes

I'll be starting a new audiobook for walking today. Finished The Spy yesterday...great book to walk by. I think I'll start Hard Magic today. I've never read this guy so we shall see.

I need to barricade myself in my bedroom and read. I had 5 books on hold at the library and I was way down the list on all of them. Well, in the last 2 days they have all popped. You have to pick them up within 48 hours of notification and you can only keep them for 2 weeks. Normally, that wouldn't be a problem but with daughter coming into town for the week next week, my reading time will be scarce. Cleaning must happen!

Joe, I'm with Ana...there is no telling what kind of infection Baby could have brewing from that fight. Silly dog! I hope she has learned her lesson too, but I wouldn't count on it.

Did I tell you my possum story? When I was a teen, I came home from school to find my German Shephard proudly carrying a possum all around the back yard. Now, you have to remember that I cried hysterically when my mom killed a lizard in the house, and had a funeral for my dog with a dead thing in his mouth was not a good sight for me. I couldn't make myself go out and get it, so I called my dad to come home From Work and get it before my dog ate it.

My poor dad comes home, goes out back, and then comes in with the dead possum swinging from it's tail. So I get more hysterical. And then he puts it's front feet on the ground and the Dead Possum wakes up and starts walking off. eek No holes, no blood. rotfl It truly had been "playing possum" for at least 45 minutes, and who knows how long before I saw it.

Ana, I hope you get to your Funk class and have a great time. I have faith that you will have the energy.

Haroula, how is your day?

Cailyn, thanks for the coffee. Is the park open yet?

Gerry, anything fun happening?

Gail, happy shopping wave

Woot Sharon, so glad you are feeling better. I know your kitty will be so happy to have you home. Who is taking care of her now?

Darlene, Happy skooshing!

See ya when I get back from the park puppy
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 11:43 AM

I love my possums. This year no babies appearing yet, but the older huge ones (probably mom and dad) were around until a few weeks ago. Now there is a 'juvenile' skinny, not too brave one feeding. I'm thinking the big guys are 'tending to newborns' and will be back soon to scare away the juvenile, who is probably from last year's litter. Oh so ugly but oh so cute.

HOT here today, but it is so nice. Humidity is 3%. Yep, 3%! Bad for fire danger but awesome for comfy day. Hot but sea breeze and low humidity makes you feel like you are wrapped in a warm towel after a shower. Ahhhhhhh!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 01:58 PM

Sorta, that is hysterical. We have 58% humidity, which is comfortable for here wave
Posted by: BobH

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 02:56 PM

Thanks for the openers Joe. I just love the old lady carjacker story.

Beautiful day today and rolling into an even better weekend. This will be our first taste of really nice sunny and warm weather in Seattle for this year. Expect lots of fish-belly white people out trying to get the start to a tan...not a pretty sight. smile
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 03:47 PM

I love the possum stories. That is so funny L4L...can just picture it!! I was once walking over to my Mother's and as I came out of the woods, there was a possum sitting on his haunches eating salal berries and he was actually making slurpy nom-nom noises. I surprised him and it was so funny as he looked at me and slowly fell over on his side with a slight snarl on his lips. I told him I knew he was faking it and he could leave and he did just that. It was probably the sound of my voice but ...funny moment. Hope everyone is having a great day and Happy Gaming!! wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 04:04 PM

Truth is Opossums do not fake it, they actually faint. It is an involuntary reflex when you scare them. lol They also release a dead smell when they faint so predators leave them alone unless they are the type that do not care if it's a fresh kill. Great preservation reflex! lol
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 04:05 PM

Just a quick HI for now as I must be off again with the taxi!! Friends hubby came home today, I went to the shelter to adopt a Chihuahua for my granddaughter and now time to head out.

lol Love the possum stories!!!

Ana you may not think you have the energy but once you get there I know will have a second wind. lol Hope the corner is being kind and moves right along.

Sharon you aren't excited are you????? lol Just kidding. Have fun at PT!!

Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 05:11 PM

Welcome to the weekend Boomers. happydance
Posted by: soot

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 06:58 PM

Whoop Whoop Whoop TGIF!!

Enjoy the weekend everyone wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 07:02 PM

Ana, that sounds like those fainting goats puppy
Posted by: Midge

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 08:15 PM

Hi everyone. Sorry i haven't been in the diner much lately. Been busy. Tomorrow I'm on my way to my Mom's for her birthday party. She's turning 94 on the 6th. birthday Mom hearts.

I'll let you know all about the day when I return. Can't wait. I hope you are all having a good day. Looking forward to the weekend. Hi Nan wave Can I borrow your BOA for my trip tomorrow? The traffic is gonna be brutal.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 08:22 PM

Mailman was LATE, but he came to my door with his arms loaded with boxes and packages. Seems everything I ordered arrived the same day. Wow. What fun, it was like Christmas in May!

So now I have 1000+ minutes on my TracFone, a new computer mouse, a new lighted keyboard, 100 bags of Stash English Breakfast Tea, 2 old style extension cords (the ones with 2 regular ends instead of the new ones with a multi end).

I'm having such fun!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 09:00 PM

I am home now but might be going out to run the taxi later as some didn't want to head home quite yet.

Midge absolutely!!! Prayers for the Band around you as you are traveling!! Have a lovely visit with your mom and tell her birthday for me.

Oh Sorta what fun!!! Enjoy all those new items!!

Space enjoy the weekend. Any fun plans??

Soot enjoy the weekend and I hope the to-do list is short!!

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 09:07 PM

Sorta, it is so much fun to get packages in the mail. Now, getting the bills for the packages is not quite so much fun.

I'm heading up with a book. Sweet dreams ya'll sleep
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 09:34 PM

Howdy everybody. wave

I went it to work at 10:00 this morning and discovered after I got there that my schedule was for 11:00. oops

Therefore I set my alarm for 6:00, and woke up and came home then, instead of at 7:00. grin

We had two other people there in my department anyway. They didn't need me.

Had a little drama here at home with my mom. Her Doctor, based on her age and her heart condition, advised her not to drive anymore, which we have taken to heart, but mom has not. frown

After she went to the store on her own two days ago, I disabled her car, and today when I got home she asked me to start her car. rolleyes

I told her I don't need to start it because I know it won't start, and she said "well I'll get a mechanic over here tomorrow." slapforehead

You try and talk to her, and besides being almost deaf, she tunes you out completely when she doesn't want to hear what you're saying, so I'm going to have to draft a letter for her to read. help

She's extremely strong willed, and stubborn. razz

I hope you're all having a nice evening.


Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 09:51 PM

Oh Joe, I know the agony of trying to stop a parent from driving when they become dangerous to themselves and others. I'll be sending you some good vibes that all goes well with your mom.

When my Dad got Dementia he crashed into a 'car club' of 9 classic Volkswagons that were stopped on a Freeway off ramp. He just failed to stop causing a chain reaction tail to front collision of all of them.

He didn't report the accident to DMV and lost his license, his insurance paid (thank goodness) but then cancelled his car insurance. Despite all this, he continued to drive.

We took his keys but he found others somewhere. Finally I told him he wasn't safe to drive and would cause injuries and damage. His reply was, "I don't care, I don't care if I kill them all". At that point, I knew my Dad wasn't in there anymore and we took the car so he couldn't get at it.

My mom, on the other hand, surprised us all by voluntarily giving us her keys when she knew she wasn't good to drive. Saved us a lot of heartache.

Hang in there with your mom, be vigilant and hopefully she will realize you are right. I'll be praying for all of you. hearts
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 11:05 PM

Sorta the last time my sister was in the car with mom driving, mom pulled right out in front of an oncoming car. The guy was able to avoid hitting mom, but was extremely angry. mad

Thanks for the good vibes. My sister is going to contact the mechanic tomorrow and fill him in, so we know he won't be coming to fix her car.

No problem as long as she doesn't find another mechanic. smirk

I have one set of her keys, and my sister had the other set which mom found by going through my sister's things. They were hidden in my sis's housecoat pocket. slapforehead

If I have to I'll put a lock on mom's car wheel. Then it ain't going anywhere for sure.

Thanks for the prayers and good vibes. wink

Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 05/03/13 11:28 PM

Aw Joe, Hugs!! That is a hard thing to go through. Gladly my mom made the decision herself and my dad died young so I didn't have to go through all of that. Prayers that she understands that it is in the best interest for all that she not drive anymore.

Sorta that surely was something to have to go through. Glad he finally stopped driving. Good for your mom!!

Well I am heading for my pillow. Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!

Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: TGIF - 05/04/13 12:38 AM

Good night Boomers. sleep