Hump Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Hump Day - 05/29/13 01:53 AM

You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!
David Brent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Learning From Kids


For those with no children - this is totally hysterical...

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control...

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest)...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all Four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh" it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leaving College

You know you're out of college when...

1. Your salary is less than your tuition.

2. Your potted plants stay alive.

3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.

4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.

6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.

7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.

8. 8:00 am is not early.

9. You have to file your own taxes.

10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.

11. You're not carded anymore.

12. You carry an umbrella.

13. You learn that bachelor is a nice term for "jackass".

14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be.

15. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.

16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up and divorce instead of break-up.

17. You start watching the weather channel.

18. Jeans, flannels and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.

19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.

20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

21. You stop confusing 401k plan with 10K run.

22. You go to parties that police don't raid.

23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you... and they're no longer "adults" - they are your peers.

24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.

25. Your car insurance goes down.

26. You refer to college students as kids.

27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon and rum.

28. Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.

29. You feed your dog science diet instead of taco bell.

30. Your idea of a rocking Friday night is scoring one of the new releases at Blockbuster.

31. Half your conversations with current college students start with, "When I was in college..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Oh happy day, happy day.
To have life's labors put aside for two whole days.
To unfetter your mind from the tyranny and yoke of the capitol agents.
To cast off the cloak of oppression so heavy on my shoulders.
To sleep in, pig out, and lay around slovenly all day. grin

I am a man with a plan uncharted.
A man with a goal undefined. crazy
A man with a mind unchallenged.
A man with his hair unkept. rolleyes

I do have one little quest to do.

My sister got Mom a coffee cup that says "Home is where your cat is" and Mom liked the play on words so much that I want to get her one too. happydance

I'm gonna try and find her one that says, "Home is where you hang your cat." cat

She'll be thrilled. bravo

Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup

joe


Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 02:02 AM

Good morning boomers,have all a happy day. smile wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 03:48 AM

Good morning Joe,Haroula,and all Boomers waveI'll get the coffee ready!Wishing you all a happy day!!
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 04:46 AM

penguin Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hope you get some play time on your days off. Haroula may the sun shine on your day. Cailyn thanks for having the coffee ready! Enjoy your day everyone! penguin
Posted by: GBC

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 06:39 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the laughs.

Haroula, happy day to you.

Cailyn, coffee? Yes!

Gerry, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day regardless of the weather. catrub
Posted by: connie

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 06:45 AM

Good morning everyone. Ana, birthday to Peter. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Cinnamon Buns in the NC. spring
Posted by: Midge

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 08:04 AM

Good morning. Ooh BB pancakes, Thanks Connie. You just made my morning. Thanks Joe for opening for us. Hi Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Gail, Connie, and all who follow me in the diner today. I have the day off yay broccoli taz dance tomato

Have a good day everyone. It's raining here. Bring an umbrella. Don't forget to exercise.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 10:01 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy Hump Day!

Hey, Ana! birthday to your Peter!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: flutist

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 10:05 AM

Good morning to everyone.

It seems like I haven't been here the past few days.

Vince came by and picked up the dogs on Monday. They had a good time in the Dominican.

Not much going on today. Have to go over to a clients house for a bit this afternoon and Bill is going to mow the yard before we start getting more rain.

Wishing everyone a great day.

Bets
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 10:57 AM

Joe enjoy the days off and thanks for the chuckles. Happy Hunting!!!

Haroula have a lovely day.

Cailyn thanks for the kcoffee. Have a lovely day!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail have a lovely day and hope the rain is gone!!

Connie thanks for the danish! Have a lovely day what ever you do! How is hubby feeling these days?

Midge hope you can enjoy the day off and don't have to head out in the rain. have a lovely day!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly! Have a lovely day!

Bets glad they are home safely and picked up the dogs. Yup good idea cause that rain sure seems to make the grass grow faster. lol

wave
Nan
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 11:32 AM

Good morning boomies! It's a bright sunny day today and summer should be peeking in again.

Nan, Bets, Darlene, Midgie, Connie, Gail, Gerry, Sue, Haroula and Joe I hope you all are enjoying the day.

I am off to the park with the dogs and then going to work until Insanity class tonight. yay Can't wait!

Have a happy day everyone! Life is good.

Ana wave
Posted by: Gimli

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 12:12 PM

Flyby day today....

birthday (belated, sorry) to Ana's son Peter!
We are here for you Ana!

Looney and Soot: safe travels!

Nan: kissy

Happy day to you all! wave

Evelyne
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 12:54 PM

Another lovely day here! Going for the morning walk. Gonna check out the transients again to see if they still have their 'blockade' of the walkway at the park. If so, I think it's the day I call the police and ask for some assistance. The park is for everyone, but these guys seem to be taking more than their fair share (not to mention the filth and disgusting stuff strewn all over). It's like walking through a dark alley on a stormy night and just waiting for someone to jump out and grab you Ugh ugh ugh! Park closes at 7 each night. I think my friend and I will make another trip after dark and see if 'they' are still there after it closes. Hope not or I'll be really upset with the local law.
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 01:15 PM

Ana birthdayto your Reter flowers
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 03:12 PM

Ana have fun at the park with the dogs!! lol I can not believe it.......we are in the 70's and I don't need my long-johns or jacket to walk with Sassy today! happydance It is expected to rain later though.

Have a lovely evening Evelyne!!!

Sorta have a nice walk!

wave Haroula!!

Well time to think about getting ready so the taxi may make a run! Have a lovely rest of the day! Ana if the bar were closer I would drop them off and join you in Insanity!! lol

wave
Nan
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 03:37 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. wave
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 03:45 PM

Had a fun walk to the park. The city crew was mowing and cleaning up. I stopped to chat with one of the guys about the transients blocking the sidewalk. He said THEY (the crew) had contacted the police several times and gotten NO help). He said they even tried cleaning all of the carts and stuff away twice (I saw it one day with tons of stuff in the trash) but to no avail. He said he would be thrilled if I called the police and I might have a bigger impact.

So we walked around to the far side by the restrooms and found, all 8 carts blocking the sidewalk, sleeping bags laid out, stuff all over and a huge metal pole leaning against the restroom building. Looked chromy shiny like one of the supports for a multi-shelf storage rack. Also leaning there was a 5 foot 'branch' from one of the euclyptus trees that was all nicely stripped and smoothed at the top to a 'knob'. Just then the guy who always say hi, and mentions something about our walking, came out of the restroom and explained about the stick and how he was making it for a buddy (walking stick) and was going to affix some of those Mexican charms to it. Just then he pulled a frying pan and a HUGE butcher knife out of his coat and said he had been doing dishes. Yup, scared me to death for a split second, but it was obvious he had been in the restroom doing the dishes. Ick!

Now I know that these people are ARMED even if they are using the knife for cooking or carving walking sticks, etc. Scary. I think I'll avoid that area from now on. Never know what mood they might be in. Probably should alert the police to the knife, but then again, I dunno. Even the local park users are allowed to carry stuff to BBQ and such. Sigh. No right answer to this one.

Praying for some solution, just don't know what.

FOUND my Alka-Seltzer Fruit Chews Antacids at Wally Mart. Stocked up on 2 large bottles just in case they don't go over well. Yummy and do the job. No crunching into that chalk stuff for awhile. Looking for coupons to appear and save me some bucks. Each tablet figures out to about 12 cents! scared
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 03:46 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 04:22 PM

Sorta, if you want action take pictures and take them to your local paper. They always like to do articles on things like that and the police will respond to it then.

be back...
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 08:38 PM

Hey everybody. wave

We have some storms just moving in with big lightning, and hopefully a LOT of rain. happydance

I'll probably lose my net.

Be back later.

Hope you're all enjoying your day/evening. yes

joe
Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 09:39 PM

Rain, rain and more rain with a little bit of sun thrown in as well as high winds. If someone locates summer, please let me know.

Hope all are having a great eve and will have a restful nite.

Ana, please check your PM. thanks
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 11:30 PM

Awesome Insanity class tonight. I'll sleep well. sleep

Sweet dreams all.

Trippy hearts
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Hump Day - 05/29/13 11:39 PM

Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams.

sleep
Nan