Sip-&-Surf-&-Sleep Monday

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen
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FREE SEX WITH FILL-UP

There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up." Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".

Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".

As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give away free sex". The buddy replied, "No, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."
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SOLDIERS IN HEAVEN

Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?"

"Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?"

"There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards."

"Oh, that's because most men who go to Heaven get there by a close shave."
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ANY LAST WORDS?

A lawyer was trying to console a weeping widow. Her husband had passed away without a will.

"Did the deceased have any last words?" asked the lawyer.

"You mean right before he died?" sobbed the window.

"Yes," replied the lawyer, "they might be helpful if it's not too painful for you to recall."

"Well," she began, "he said 'Don't try to scare me. You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with that gun.'"
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IQ TEST

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready ? What is the time?

Start.

1) Some months have 30 days,some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________

2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________

3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________

4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?____________________

5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________

6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first? ____________________

7) A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear? ____________________

8) Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? ___________________

9) How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark? ____________________

10) If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburg to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what's the name of the driver? ____________________

Answers in the following article - no cheating now! GOOD LUCK!

____________________________________________________

Answers:
1) All of them. Every month has at least 28 days.
2) 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o'clock,then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o'clock,they will be taken in 1 hour.
3) 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between a.m. and p.m.
4) 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2.
5) 9 live sheep.
6) The match.
7) White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole.
8) 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
9) None. It was Noah, not Moses.
10) YOU are the driver.

Grading Scale (out of 10)

8+ Engineer
7 Student
6 High school pupil
5 Primary school pupil
4 Teacher
3 College lecturer
2 University lecturer
1 Member of Congress
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the third of June another sleepy, dusty, delta day.
I was out chopping cotton, and my sister was bailing hay.

Good morning everyboomie.

I love that song.

I was wondering when would be a good time to use it in an opening.

Then it hit me.

``

It's nice to be off again for two days.

This is the best week in my rotation. Sunday was Friday for me, and then Friday is Friday for me.

That means I have two weekends this week......and luckily I happen to be off for both of them.

I think I'll sit on the lawn under a sprinkler all weekend, change my title to Cabana Boy, change the name of this place to Margaritaville, and waste away.

My sister said we can play pin the tail on the donkey.

She doesn't get the concept of Margaritaville.

I said ok if you'll be the donkey.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

Good morning Joe,and all who follow Coffee is on!Have a great day everyone

Good Morning Joe and Cailyn. A quiet morning in the Diner. Hope you all have a great day!

Good Morning Joe,Cailyn,Gerry and all who come in later
Have all a nice day.

Good morning everyone. Off to the hospital for hubby's scan shortly. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, Omelets, and French Toast in the NC.

Good Morning Haroula and Connie. Haroula enjoy your day. Connie hope all goes well with Hubby's scan.

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, loved the openers today!

Cailyn, are you getting rain? It's pouring here.

Gerry, have a great day.

Haroula, happy day to you.

Connie, prayers out to you for hubby's scan to go well.

Wishing everyone a good day! Raining here so it looks like a gaming day is on the agenda.

Magnificent Monday ya'll

Hubby and I popped up bright and early and took the doggies to the park. Not many were there when we got there, but more folks came as we walked. It's a gorgeous day out there, and the dogs enjoy it much more when we get it done early when it's cool.

I will be heading out to do errands (vet, post office, groceries) in just a sec. After errands will be vacuuming and laundry is ongoing. If time allows, I'll watch some more Dog Whisperer so I can clean it off my dvr. And that is my day.

Connie Hope the report is fantastic.

Back later

Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and enjoy your days off!

Connie, prayers going up for your Hubby that his scan goes well!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!

Ahhh Back from the many errands. I had so much trouble with the self scanner at the grocery store. Every where I went was slammed.

Now bad weather is supposed to be rolling in. I need to vacuum, do laundry, and make up my pills for the month. After that I think I'll read until hubby gets home

Well, some of the to-do list is to-done. Other parts are still a work in progress. Off to vacuum so I can check that off.

Night, Haroula, sweet dreams

Well maybe not. I thought I was here but I don't see my post. It's not that I didn't have time though. Nice day in the upper 50's with a nice gentle breeze. the sun is running away now though.

L4l what do you mean by slammed??? Glad you were able to knock off some of the "to do's"!!

Connie prayers that the results of the scan are good, good, good, HUGS!!!

Hope everybody is having a good day. Joe thanks for the chuckles and I hope you are enjoying your day off!!

Ana may the corner be more kind to you today! HUGS!

I am going to head out shortly for a chance to "howler....BINGO!"!!!


Nan

Good mnorning, afternoon and soon to be evening.

I have run out of hours today, but I managed to take the dogs for a run at the river, went shopping at the mall and for groceries with Peter and now need a shower and head to SAlsa Funk night as soon as I finish dinner. Need more time!

Connie, positive thoughts!

Nan, hope you get to howl often! Slammed = busy busy busy. Long waits at the vet and the grocery store and even at the Post Office.

When does it normally get hot for you?

Ana, so glad you got a lot done. Have fun at Salsa Funk night.

I have just finished vacuuming Skywalker. Not his favorite thing, but it helps to vacuum as I brush. He still has a lot in there that needs getting out, but I'm done.

Time to sit for a bit

Thanks for the laughs Joe.

Hi Boomies. I've had a full day. I worked a split shift again. My clients are having best friends and family for a visit for a few days. It's wonderful to see them all. I have tomorrow morning off. I have to be at work for 5:00 tomorrow afternoon. Big dinner party then.

Ana you've extremely busy again. Tomorrow would have been my hubby and my 50th wedding anniversary. Hard day to get through.

Night all. See you in the morning.

Midgie

Hugs to you Midge.

Aw, Midge......HUGS!!!! Just remember that he has just gone ahead to prepare a place.

Howdy MaG!!

Night Space sleep well.

Oh I understand now thanks L4l. It usually starts to warm way before this. Actually it is nice about 20 miles inland from Lake Superior but right here we just can't seem to get a break from those east or northeast winds that blow in from off the lake making it as much as 30 degrees cooler then those inland.

My grandfather had Springer Spaniels and he vacuumed them every day. They always sat so nice for him. Sassy runs and hides when I take out the vacuum.

Well time here to think about heading for bed. Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!


Nan