Posted by: gymcandy1

Tuesday's - 06/10/13 08:19 PM

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- Stephen Wright

African Meal

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, ''What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?''

The other missionary replied, ''I just peed in the soup!''

Sending The Bill
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

"Um, yeah..." the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch all the fish?"

Management Course

Lesson #1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, I'll give you $800 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, Who was that

It was Bob the next door neighbor, she replies.

Great, the husband says, did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson #2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, Father, remember Psalm 129?

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, Father, remember Psalm 129?

The priest apologized, Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson #3:

A sales representative, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, I'll give each of you just one wish.

Me first! Me first! says the administration clerk. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Puff! She's gone.

Me next! Me next! says the sales representative. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. Puff! He's gone.

OK, you're up, the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, I want those two back in the office after lunch.

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson #4:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy.

Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

BS might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I'm sitting here watching the two hour premier of Falling Skies, that I recorded last night, so I could get to bed early, and I'm running late getting there tonight.

I need to be at Taps-Lights Out by zero 20 hundred hours. That's 8:00pm for you civies out there. sleep

It's nice to be able to zip through the commercials.................that's when I remember I can zip through them. think

I really wish I could do like my dad did when he wanted to go to sleep. He had a trick to it. What he did was ......he closed his eyes man and he was OUT like a light. sleep lol

The man would just close his eyes and he was asleep.

I think that's the basic difference between myself, and a man with a clean conscience. evil

They say that ignorance is bliss. think

My sister sure seems to sleep ok. snicker

Hmm that's a tongue twister.

Have a happy day everyone.

Posted by: Midge

Re: Tuesday's - 06/10/13 09:59 PM

Thanks Joe for your openers. Still Monday night for me. I'm headed for bed now. Been a long day but I'll be here in the AM. I hope you all had a great night's sleep.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Tuesday's - 06/10/13 10:04 PM

Have a great Tuesday Joe and Midgie. thumbsup
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 12:42 AM

Good morning Joe, Midgie and SpaceQ. yay

Not sure what today is bringing but I'm sure whatever it is I'll make the best of it. hearts

Have a happy day all!
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 02:33 AM

Have a great Tuesday Joe,Midgie,Ana and all who come in later. happydance wave
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 03:53 AM

Good morning Joe,Midge,Ana,SpaceQ,Haroula waveCoffee is on Gerry for when you come in,more rain here smirkI'm headed back to the gym this morning I think I'm up to it after being sick.Wishing you all a great day puppy
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 04:34 AM

Good Morning Joe, Midgie, SpaceQ, Ana, Cailyn and Haroula. Joe I love Falling Skies. The new season is off to a great start! Midgie sleep well. SpaceQ enjoy! Ana I hope you have a stress free day. Haroula is the sun shining on your day? We have another rainy day. Cailyn glad you're feeling better, but it might be to soon to get back to the gym. I'm tired this morning. Thanks for the coffee. Take Care. Have a great day All! wave
Posted by: GBC

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 06:10 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, does your sister read your comments? lol

Midgie, good morning.

Space, wishing you a good day!

Haroula, happy day!

Ana, hope the day has a lot of fun in store for you.

Cailyn, glad you're feeling better. Enjoy the gym and thanks for the coffee.

Gerry, make the best of yet another rainy day.

Car still in the garage so I guess I'm stuck home today. It's also still raining so it's going to be a great gaming day. woot
Posted by: connie

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 06:58 AM

Good morning everyone. A target trip is in the cards for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. spring
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 08:35 AM

wow Joe, thanks for the laughs this morning. Great way to start the day! May work fly and those mowers sell for you.

Midge blueberry pancakes in the corner. Have a lovely day!

Ana no corner yet???? WooHoo!! Have fun at what ever pops up your way!!

Space and Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee. I'll have mine to go please as I have a busy day ahead. Teeth cleaning to start it out and then a friend has two doc appointments in Duluth and they don't driver there so I will be taking them and waiting!! Have a lovely day and enjoy the gym.

Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail rain and game always go together. lol Happy gaming!!! happydance

Connie have fun at Tarjay and I hope something fun jumps in the cart!! Thanks for the danish!

Off to walk Sassy before the rain drops fall. lol

Posted by: Darlene

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 09:53 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thank you for your openers! Toast to a terrific Tuesday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 10:40 AM

Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

It is soooooooooooooo humid here. You need a chain saw to cut through the air. This morning (6.a.m.) was the roughest walk we've had since we started back. It was walk 1/2 a lap, use the inhaler, walk 1/2 lap, use the inhaler and so one and so forth. For awhile there, I thought maybe it was empty but the counter swore it wasn't. I will for sure be staying in the AC the rest of the day.

Called the vet to ask if the humidity affects the dogs and found out that yes indeed it does. The vet said if the humidity is so high it is making it hard for me to breathe, it is making it hard for the doggies to cool down. I did not know that. But I don't know what else we can do unless we try going at midnight. Wish we had a pool but I can't imagine trying to keep a pool clean with 4 dogs using it. Well, 3...I don't think Seagy would come within a mile of it.

Made a truly smooth smoothie this morning. Hubby left, fed me, fed the dogs. Got the dogs their "treat" and was gathering ingredients for smoothie for son when Lil Soot launched himself at Skywalker cos Skywalker got too close to his treat crumbs. eek

Well, let me tell ya...that is so not going to fly around here. So I pulled Soot off Sky (who was running for cover going MoM! Help me), flipped Lil Soot on his side and he spent the next 20 minutes there while I dropped treats around him and let the other dogs eat them. Miss Seagy very calmly came over and stood next to me watching LiL Soot for the whole time. When I finally let him up, he immmediately growled at Sky so down he went again. When I let him up that time he decided perhaps he didn't want to be the boss, and the kitchen did not really belong to him after all. I think we've been letting him get by with some "grumbling" by rationalyzing that he is just talking. No more....that little one is going to shape up! I am so not having an aggressive dog...sweet babies only in this house.

So, my morning has been eventful to say the least.

Joe, must say I dragged my feet on the DVR forever and now only watch tv that's recorded so I don't have to wait on commercials. rotfl I used to fall asleep like your dad, and then I had kids. Have a great day!

Midgy, how are you?

Quest, what's up for you today?

Ana, I'm sure you will as you always do. How is Merlin?

Haroula, any beach in your day?

Cailyn, how was your gym visit?

Gerry, did you not sleep well?

Happy gaming, Gail!

Connie, have fun at Target wave

Nan, you are an angel bravo

Happy skooshing, Darlene.

Off to make son a smoothie as he is on his way out the door.
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 12:11 PM

Gee L4L you have so much fun with your dogs. rotfl I guess it's a bit like herding cats which I am oh so good at.

Today I wait for the yard kid to appear. He came yesterday (you never know when he will show up) and I had a full day away from home planned so I told him to come back today. Any bets on if I ever see him?

Finally caught up on the 'Falling Skies' series 1 and 2. I'd never watched them but got hooked on a marathon over the weekend. So I went out and bought 1 and 2 and watched them BOTH in 2 days. Then I recorded the season 3 opener last night and will watch that today. Lots of 'seat' time around here.

Rags, the Outdoorsie LONG haired mom cat has a corkscrew tail. She curls it twice around instead of letting it just hang out there. It's really adorable. Only seen one other cat around here like that. Dunno if it's a 'breed' thing or just in that bloodline. I gave the other one (a tiny kitten which I really wanted to keep but had way too many already) away to a good home. SHE had the corkscrew tail and was pure white with an actual Question Mark on her back with the curled part by her tail and the 'dot' on her head. Awesome cat. They named her, Enigma. So cute.

So on Rags and her long fur stuff and her tail, consequently, the lower half gets knotted and tangled and occasionally get pooped on by her. What a mess. Her big 'winter' clumps all over are coming out nicely. I find them all over the yard, but that tail is awful. I tried to cut some of the tangle off yesterday, but she's an 'untouchable' so I only got a tiny bit before she screamed and ran just out of reach. I'll try again when my reflexes are tip top and she's hungry enough to ignore me.

No yard kid yet. He will probably arrive while I'm on my morning walk.

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 12:53 PM

Yep Sorta, ya gotta love it, but they will not win. There is only one big dog at home right now, and it is not Lil Soot!

Rags sounds adorable, but I can imagine cutting the snarls out is hard. Keoki, who is easy to do anything lets us cut out his snarls in his long tail fringe, but he is not happy anytime someone is touching his tail.

I bet you'll only see your yard boy is you didn't pay him yesterday. :lucK:

So, just spent the last 2 hours trying to get the boys to pick up and put away stuff from their floor. We've been doing it all week and they've been really good, but not today. "I'm too tired to clean." "I don't care...just throw it all away." Etc. So after a couple of hours trying to get them to cooperate, I went down and got a 30 gal garbage bag and whatever was on the floor is now in the garbage.

They will "rest" on the couch until their mom arrives and they will not play any form of video entertainment in this house for next weekend for sure, and most likely longer. This is a rebellion that will be squashed quickly or they will be some bored little boys. Interesting how this behavior did not pop up until they knew they were going home today.

I had planned a park trip and some fun things for the day, but can't reward them for such behavior.

My plans for the afternoon are not yet formed...will have to see what inspiration brings. wave
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 01:52 PM

Gosh L4L, at one time I had 3 doggys -one of which was that 110 pound and most intimidating Alaskan Malamute and never was there a fight because she set the rules and everybody obeyed, cats, dogs and people. It made life much simpler that way.

A beauty morning today so I cut some blood weed in the front and back. My yard(?) is a nightmare but for the kits it is a walk through paradise. And I'm allergic to it.

Video gaming woes -1. Stuck on Halo
2. Stuck on Splatterhouse
3. Kinda tired of Oblivion
4. Stuck on Chicken Invaders, The ultimate omelet Christmas edition
5. Dissapointed in Dragon's Dogma although it might improve later on

Inspite of it all -on to the games!!
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 02:06 PM

Lol, Yankee...this is a relatively new behavior. I think Soot and and to a lesser degree myself have been cutting Lil Soot slack when we should have been stepping on that behavior. Moments like that are why I'm glad all my monkies are in the same weight range. Nobody gets hurt before I can break it up. Nobody in the house messes with Seagan, but every now and again the younger ones go yadayadayada against each other. Moon must be full as the Soot was fractious (though he's been a real sweetie the rest of the day) and the 2 legged ones were twits. wave

I keep going back and forth between play/read/play/read, but I think read is going to win. wave
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 02:38 PM

Yard boy didn't show. Doubt he will. It seems I can only find him when HE wants money and isn't doing anything else. Oh well. Let the weeds grow, it will just make more work for him when I finally corral him.

I am now in a funk and decided to make my awesome oatmeal cookies. Unfortunately, my funk caused me to double the recipe. But that's not the problem, I doubled the already DOUBLED recipe by mistake. Oh well. 8 dozen yummy oatmeal cookies in progress. I can hardly wait. I'll probably eat the first dozen right off the pan. rotfl
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 02:44 PM

On top of the poundage Wuuku looked like a wolf and she had big feet and teeth. That "take advantage of the boss" attitude is universal isn't it. No behavour probs this summer because it's already so hothothot all they do is sleep. And we had your humidity on Saturday.

I've sent off -Amazon- for a Stephen King book, Dark Skies No stars, a 5 short stories book. My daughter gave it to me while in Dallas and I started it but of course I forgot to bring it home. Gotta get behind some of these games befor it arrives.

Forte all
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 03:03 PM

Freeze 'em Sorta...they will keep really well, or else distribute them to the neighbors...it can be your random act of kindness today.

Yankee, have fun. Can I send the humidity back to you please?

Off to read ;o)
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 03:47 PM

L4L, you have had a hectic day so far! I hope it's all peaceful now.

I took the dogs to the river and then my days plans went south and I have been trying to calm Merlin down since we came home. He was under the weather before we left and I thought he was just having a bad arthritis day but he's been throwing up since we got home. duh :sigh: Wish they could talk and tell us what is wrong. sad
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 04:11 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 05:41 PM

Ahhh Ana, hugs to both you and Merlin...that is hard. Hope he is better soon.
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 06:18 PM

I'm with you Ana about animals talking to us in humanspeak. When cats feel ill they invariably throw up all over, and urinate in the middle of my bed OR on my lap. Sure sign something is wrong and I get the message. Yuk! Too bad the message is unclear.

Yard kid finally showed up. He said he could stay as long as I needed him so I put him to work with a written list. He needed a pen to mark off finished items so I gave him another black marker. The other one 'accidentally' got taken by him last time I made a list. Guess what was missing after he left today? Uhhuh.

So I went over the list, told him to do them in order (I figured it for the least trouble and walking around etc. Again, he's all over the place. AND the last on the list (which I strongly said to do LAST) was planting 3 baby hedges to fill in out front. Sooo I go inside to take a batch of cookies out and come back and he's already planted all 3! All this in 2 minutes. I'm not kidding. I hope they survive.

He needs constant supervision, I was on my feet for 2 solid hours giving directions and then he got a phone call and suddenly had to leave. Yup. The old I've gotta go bit. Well, when he hung up I heard him say, "I love you", so I'm assuming it's the woman he lives with who he used to call his mom. It's actually his step brother's sorta wife and they have one child. Well brother is gone now and I'm pretty sure that the gal (who is 20 years older than him, is putting him to good use. He showed up last month with her name tattooed on his entire forearm. What a mess. He barely turned 21 in May and was 17 when the brother left her. Not a good situation, but it's his life. I don't discuss anything like that with him.

Just wish he was more reliable, but am happy to have several yard chores finally done. Still some left but I'll work on those myself. I might not see him for weeks and weeks. Gave him a dozen cookies to eat (he said he hadn't eaten today) and some Pepsi and water. And some sweatshirts and nice towels I was going to give to the thrift store. He always asks if there is anything I'm donating. It saves me a trip. He's now coming with a 'want' list. Very funny. I gave him about 30 bottles of shampoo and conditioner that I didn't use anymore and he asked if I had any more. How fun.

Off to rest. I'm exhausted. Way too much standing and directing and sweeping up things he left, etc. Gonna sit under the fan for the rest of the day.
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 06:52 PM

Hello everyone. wave

Once again I got home and quickly donned my survival gear and headed for the creek. The water is still a little too muddy to see the bottom well, so it was a fruitless trip. duh

Once again I have a early start tomorrow, so I'm getting ready for going to bed already. sleep

I see some of you have had very demanding or busy days. yes

Soot God bless you buddy. You have more patience and tolerance than I. praise

Ana I haven't even seen any snakes in the last few trips to the creek, and I'm certainly not complaining. thumbsup

Gail I don't think my sister can even read. wink

Have a nice evening everybody.

Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Tuesday's - 06/11/13 09:04 PM

Wow!!! eek And I thought I had a hectic day! lol Hope everybody's day has mellowed and they are relaxing now. I think that is what I shall do.

We made it to 82F today eek So I just had to put the A/C in and now my back is not happy with me but I just had to cool this place down or I lwould not be able to sleep tonight.

wave L4l, Yankee(and I am glad you can still game), Sorta(silly lawn boy but glad he showed up), Ana(HUGS!!!!! to you and to Merlin. Hope he is better soonest), and Space!!!