The Diner Sunday Edition

Posted by: gymcandy1

The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 01:12 AM

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.

"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity.

"Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.

"Go see if that was a duck, will you?"

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" asked Mr. Smith.

"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

"Mr. James, your records and your heroic behaviour indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry."

Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, 'I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.'

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, 'Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?'

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.

The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"

The Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."

"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

YEE HAW good morning everyboomie. penguin

Day one of my weekend has begun. yay

It's only a one day weekend, but I'll cross that draw bridge when it starts up. Uh huh... thumbsup

Today I am swinging through the jungle down the Amazon river with my trusty side kick Baby. dance

It sounds better than walking through the woods down the Rock Creek doesn't it? wink

You've heard of Jungle Jim?

I'm Jungle Joe.......his younger, but handsomer brother. snicker

Jungle Joe is starting to smell like jungle rot, so he is going to post this diatribe and head for the waterfall. taz

Well it's more of a rambling than a diatribe, and I'm headed for the shower, but that just doesn't sound as romantic now does it? grin

Have a happy day everyone.

Posted by: Haroula

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 02:21 AM

Have a great Sunday everyone happydance wave
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 03:41 AM

summer Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Joe we should call you "Mighty Joe Young"! Haroula enjoy your Sunday. Cailyn the coffee's on! A peaceful Sunday wished for everyone! summer
Posted by: cailyn

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 05:40 AM

Good morning Joe,Haroula,Gerry wave Thanks for getting the coffee going Gerry, fatherto you Joe! Enjoy the day all puppy
Posted by: connie

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 06:32 AM

Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and a trip to Sam's today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. father to Joe and all our Diner Dad's. Danish, Bacon, Eggs, Hash Browns, and Toast in the NC. summer
Posted by: GBC

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 07:05 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day swinging through the trees.

Haroula, happy day!

Sue, enjoy whatever the day brings today.

Gerry, coffee is needed here.

Connie, enjoy Sam's. Thanks for the Danish.

Church this morning then a nice quiet day.

father to all the Boomer Fathers.
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 08:13 AM

Good morning Joe, Sue, Gerry, Connie, Haroula and Gail.
Posted by: flutist

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 10:03 AM

Good morning everyone.

Been raining off and on here.

Susie called yesterday afternoon and invited us to dinner today. I think Vince is grilling ribs. Yum. Not much else going on today otherwise so guess I'll go play something for a bit.

Have a wonderful day everyone and Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 10:38 AM

Good morning Joe, Bets, SpaceQ, Gail, Connie, Sue, Gerry and Haroula.

It's a bright and beautiful day here and I am slugging until it's time for Insanity class. Then I may run the dogs and do some more work in the house.

I hope you all have a fantastic fathers day! yay
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 12:49 PM

father To all you dads out there!!!

Joe glad you didn't fall asleep under the waterfalls! lol Have a happy hunting day down the Amason River with Baby!!! Thanks for the laughs.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry you were up early. eek Thanks for the coffee. Have a nice day!

Cailyn glad you could sleep in some. Have a lovely day!

Connie enjoy breakfast and have fun at Sam's!! Thanks for the treats and have a lovely day!

Gailenjoy church and have a lovely relaxing day. Hope you are still feeling good. HUGS!

Space have a lovely day!!

Bets a BBQ sounds nice, enjoy. How is Susie feeling?? Happy Gaming!!

Ana how DO you keep going and going and going??? lol Some how I just can NOT picture you slugging. lol Have a great class and a wonderful day!

Posted by: looney4labs

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 02:03 PM

Super Sunday ya'll puppy

I slept in a bit (but not as late as yesterday) and then Soot and I headed out to walk the doggies. The park was pretty deserted but a few folks came out while we were there. As we were finishing up some folks brought a darling curly-haired little girl...maybe a year to 18 months old. She loved dogs so each time we'd pass she'd get a big "oh" face on and they'd start taking pics. On our last lap we stopped so they could finish up their pictures. Doggies were hot and tired and glad of the break. It is a nice day, though of course it's hot. Soot and I came home soaked to the skin and the doggies were all ready to rest.

After we cleaned us up, we cleaned up the kitchen....twice. Then made smoothies for everyone. Talked to Va son who called to wish his dad a happy Father's Day. Now I need to clean the kitchen yet again. Then I'm not going in there again til time to cook supper.

Son and friend and all the kids are watching Goonies. Such a good movie. We are trying to find a time to go to the new Superman, but it's hard coordinating son's and hubby's schedule. This is hubby's busy time and his schedule is not flexible.

I do not think that "slug" is in Ana's vocabulary. That means I have to slug twice as much as I normally would to keep the world in balance rotfl

Everyone have a wonderful day. Back later wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 02:23 PM

Nan, next run for me is the 9 mile Spartan Race in a month. Super Spartan Race I have to get out of my comfort zone and do something that will test my limits. lol
How are you feeling? hearts

Off to the river with the dogs now.

EDIT: Sorry L4L, when I refreshed the page you were there. Shows how long I took to write the post. rotfl
Hope you can get your schedules coordinated to get in your movie!
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 03:59 PM

Woke up to the sump pump on the rentals running constantly. Supposed to only empty when full and runs for 7 seconds.

Checked circuit breaker and then went down to tenant's house. Found son in yard and told him I needed to check the pump (it was constantly on).

He took off the heavy cover and I listened. Empty tank, motor running constantly. So I unplugged it and it stopped. Tried a few times hoping it would stop on its own. No luck.

KNEW that the problem was a stuck 'float' in the down position. Tried wiggling wires, got a long pole and tried to dislodge it (not easy since you can't see IN the tank). Had no luck there.

Called plumber. Still waiting after 2 1/2 hours when they said 1 hour. I know it's a holiday and busy so I'm not worried.

Went to tenant mom and asked about kleenex in the toilet. Nope. We had this discussion last time it clogged. Then she said the toilet got clogged last night but they cleared it. Uhhuh.

So I mentioned Baby Wipes. THIS time she admitted that they used Baby Wipes! All the times before she said no nope not nada. So now I know the stuck float has been Baby Wipes all along (suggested by the plumber twice now).

So I have to go down every 10 minutes or so to plug in the pump so it won't overflow the tank. If it does, it will be a nasty soggy mess for the plumber. Can't afford that. So I ask the son to run it after running any water.

I go to check, I find the pump RUNNING and plugged in. I ask the son, he says he did that 5 minutes ago. Arrrraaaghhh! I tell him again how to plug and unplug AFTER water is run, and it takes only 7 seconds. Don't leave it plugged in. He seems to understand. I'm still not sure.

This lovely family just doesn't seem to understand things, but they are nice people, been here 30 years (me 35) so we are friends and neighbors, almost like family.

Gonna keep checking while waiting for the plumber to save me.

OH, and they are going to have a Father's Day party any minute now. This should be fun since they will have to make sure nothing runs down the drain/toilet while the plumber is working in the tank.

Any bets on that going right? rotfl help insane
Posted by: Haroula

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 04:00 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: Yankee Clipper

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 04:24 PM

Sorta, how do you do it? You have alot of patience. My daughter in Tulsa, OK has 2 rental houses so 2 sets of tenants however her husband is big and muscular -ex fireman- so I bet they listen to him when he barks.

All prepared to make a frittata yankee clipper style and alas ShemerBaby is sound asleep on the stove, of all places. Can try it tomorrow.

Laundry all done and foldedfoldedfolded and put away...I did pets' beds and my clothes and can do my bed maybe tomorrow. And did some housework but no cooking today, it's too hot anyway.

Sleepy now... nap attack
Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 06:42 PM

Evening; been a long hot week end. Temps in the high 80's. Something else I was going to post but lost it somewhere in the canyons of my mind...

Have a great eve and great start to the week.
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 07:36 PM

I have been washing walls since I got back from the river and I am exhausted. Hubby is coming home from golfing and I have nothing ready for dinner. sad I need another pair of hands.
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 07:37 PM

Ana hope the run with thedogs was fun, fun, fun!! Doing good, just a little sore. Good luck on the next adventure! lol You must like playing in the mud.

Me and Sassy had a good run today! Took a walk and all of a sudden the bottom fell out. Man did we head for home fast. lol We made it though without getting too wet. Poor Sassy has been sleeping since.

Sorta hope the plumber shows up soon for ya!! Oh and the tenents listen. lol

Trippy we were in the 80's then the clouds came and rained. The temp dropped. The clouds left and the temp back up. More clouds and rain and the temp went down. That cleared out and the sun warmed it up again. Been doing that all day. lol Sassy is hiding cause she dose not like the thunder.

Yankee you left kitty sleep and not cook???? Verrrrry interesting. lol

Night Haroula sleep well.

L4l you and Soot had a nicely interesting walk in the park. lol Hope son and Soot can coordinate their hours so you may see the movie!!

Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 08:14 PM

Plumber finally arrived 3 hours late. Actually it was going to be 5 (per the call back I got). Thankfully they called back in 15 minutes and he was already at my door earlier than expected. Whew.

Wonderful, talented, personable, guy. Knew everything, listened to me rant, followed my directions. Figured everything out and fixed it great. It WAS Baby Wipes! We found 4 of them coating the float. Probably from last night so the pump probably ran all night with not much water.

I had several discussions with the Mom, and the Son about Baby Wipes. THEN I asked the plumber guy to put them in a ziploc bag, gave it to the Son, told him to look and then show his Mom. Uhhuh. I'm done with telling them that Baby Wipes (or personal wipes if you please) do NOT go into the sump pump. They don't seem to understand.

Dunno why they don't understand simple stuff, like please use the water and toilet, BUT go out and plug in the pump after you do for about 10 seconds and then unplug it. Well I go down and the Son says I did that about 5 minutes ago, so I go out and Voila, the pump is STILL plugged in and running. Back to Son to explain again. Driving me nuts.

Then after the cleaning of the pump the float switch wasn't working! Yup, we think that it being held down so long caused something to go wrong. Not sure, might just be a fluke, but since the pump never overflowed, put together with the toilet clog last night and the baby wipes...well, I'm pretty sure it ruined the float switch.

So luckily I had another switch (from the old pump) and that one is working fine. Double whew. Cost me another 150 on top of the 250 estimate to get it all done.

Loved that plumber kid. Wow! Never had such a smart guy who worked so well and knew his job and didn't gouge me on the prices. Well, actually he first quoted me 695. and I just said, "nope, that won't fly, call your boss". They negotiated the 250 which was much more reasonable. Too bad the float was dead too or it would have been better for me.

So now I'm exhausted, spent the entire day dealing with a sump pump. Better not be another 'incident' like this with Baby Wipes or there will be a nice rent increase to cover my costs. Yup, gonna not even warn them, they will know why. Hope it doesn't happen.

Gads, for 400 bucks I could have bought a huge flat screen TV!
Posted by: Midge

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 09:21 PM

Hi guys. I'm checking in after a long and hard day. I worked a split shift today. I don't think I sat down for very long. I'm just unwinding now and trying to relax. Sorta I could read your posts all day.Never boring at your place.

I have another early shift but it should be a little easier in the morning. Night all. kissy

Midgie hearts sleep father
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 09:26 PM

Hello everybody. wave

My day off is winding down, and I am ready for bed , cause Ahm Tard . tired

I made my trip over the river and through the woods. I found one point that is missing one third of it. duh

By the time I got back home I was soaked, and flushed, and skeeter bit. shocked

I spent the rest of the day convalescing. grin

I hope you all had a great day. thumbsup

Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 09:37 PM

Good night Boomers. sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: The Diner Sunday Edition - 06/16/13 11:59 PM

Night all!! Hope all the dad's out there had a wonderful day!

Sleep well everybody and pleasant dreams!!