Thump Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Thump Day - 07/11/13 12:51 AM

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies.

"Tch Tch!" said the passer-by to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help."

So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"

"Fishin', sir."

"Fishin', eh? Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"

The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar.

His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"

The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"

A man goes skydiving. After a fantastic free fall he pulls the rip cord to open his parachute but nothing happens. He tries everything but can't get it open.

Just then another man flies by him, going UP. The skydiver yells, "Hey, you know anything about parachutes? The man replies, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?"

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together.

They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT OR I'LL PULL YOUR WINGS OFF!!!!"

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.

The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."

The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"

Two old friends, who hadn't seen each other in fifteen years, met for lunch one day, to catch up.

"I got married and my husband just bought me a 24K gold necklace," said the first woman.

"That's nice," said the second.

"And he bought me a Mercedes sports car for our anniversary."

"That's nice."

"And he bought me a house along the beach for my birthday."

"That's nice."

"I heard you were married and went through a messy divorce - what did your husband get for you while you were together?"

"He sent me to finishing school."

"What did you learn at finishing school?"

"To say 'that's nice' when listening to a bore'"

Jimmy received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.

Every other word was an expletive; those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. Nothing worked.

He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.

Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior".

Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?"

Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

Good morning everyone. welcome

Your friendly neighborhood diner dude here. smile

I got home about two hours ago, and my sleeping pills are singing me a lullaby, so I'll make this short. tired

How do micro-organisms communicate with each other? grin

By micro-phone. penguin

Bodda-BOOM! dance

Have a happy day everybody. urock

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 01:17 AM

lol Hope it's not too early of a rise for you Joe.
Thank you for the chuckles. hearts

I hope you all have a wonderful day. Drop in and say hi in the corner. I have snacks. lol

Ana grin
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 02:29 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana and all who come in later. wave
Have a great day. happydance
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 02:46 AM

Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula,and all who arrive later waveCoffee is on to go along with Ana's snacks! Hello Gerry when you arrive waveI hope things are getting better for you heartsWishing you all a happy day! puppy
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 02:57 AM

I think it's time to go to bed, you all are starting up the coffee already. lol

Have a great day Haroula and Sue!

Ana hearts
Posted by: Gimli

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 03:54 AM

Good morning my friends

Sue is getting up and Ana is going to bed, almost at the same time: either Sue is very early or Ana very very late… crazy

We got up early too because in the bedroom we have temps around 80F; no good sleeping. In Europe AC’s are forbidden because of the resource (energy) wasting and the air pollution. So it’s suffering hot nights in hot bedrooms most of the summer summer . But we were waiting for this summer so long, better not complain.

Lotus: I’am sorry that Mum had to go to ER again. I hope she’s doing better with the meds. Hugs to you!

Nan: Thank you sweetie kissy !

L4L: I love to cook too! Have you tried Italian cooking recipes already? Yummy desserts in the Italian kitchen!

Joe: I hope that another few days of relax are ahead of you. I always shudder when I see your timetable of work.

To all coming in after me: you can find me and yummy Tiramisu in the corner, distracting Ana from work…

Have a super day all!

Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 05:16 AM

Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, Sue, and Gimli. You all are either up very late or very early! Sue things are getting better. Thanks for asking. It's been a difficult summer so far. Hope all is well with you. Wishing everyone a peaceful happy day! wave
Posted by: GBC

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 06:30 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, the skydiver joke really had me laughing this morning.

Ana, what kind of snacks do you have? lol

Haroula, good morning. Or is it your afternoon?

Sue, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Evelyn, eek Are you able to use fans?

Gerry, hearts Hope your day is good.

A walk with the dogs this morning then a trip to BJ's later. Wishing everyone a great day! wave
Posted by: connie

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 06:41 AM

Good morning everyone. Today will be a gaming and pool day after our walk. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Thursday. Danish, Apple Turnovers, Fresh Fruit, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 08:21 AM

Good morning Boomers. Have a great day.
Posted by: manxman

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 09:15 AM

Thanks for the laughs Joe, they were hilarious rotfl rotfl
Hope all gameboomers have a great day today. We are finally drying out here after the flooding wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 11:19 AM

Joe thanks for the laughs this morning. May work fly and all go well.

lol Ana and I thought I was up late last night. Oh snacks in the corner, no no be good!! Hope that the project is going well and moving right along for you!! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee. have a lovely day!

Evelyne not sure I would know what to do without the a/c. With the high humidity it makes it hard to breathe sometimes. At least we do cool down, here at night to around 50F! I'll see about sending some of our 'night cool' your way!! Have a lovely day!

Gerry glad that things are starting to mlook up for you! HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy the walk with the dogs and Happy Shopping!! Have a lovely day!

Connie sounds like nice plans for the day. Sit by the pool and game!! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!!

manxman glad things are drying out for you and hope no damage! Hasve a lovely day!

No plans so far but ya never know.

Posted by: Midge

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 11:48 AM

Good morning. I can still say good morning. Home from work....I filled in for another care giver. I wasn't supposed to work this morning but I can't say no when asked to fill in for someone.

It's pouring out there. Good day to stay inside and play a game. Maybe I'll finally finish one I started way back when. I don't have to be back at work until 5:00 later today. I hope you all have a good day.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: flutist

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 11:59 AM

Hi Midgie. wave What game are you playing?

Posted by: Gimli

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 12:34 PM

Hi again Boomers wave

Gail: we have a ventilator in the kitchen, but it is a noisy thingy, so we can't take it into the bedroom...

Nan: I would appreciate getting your night temps and thank you very much kissy !

Humidity is always high here in summer due to the sea that's practically on my doorstep. In addition: I have a phase of regular hot (times 1000) flushes. So I'am walking in my own water puddles all day long rotfl

Have to go cooking now. Oh no, nothing too hot. Only ravioli con borragine (borage). I wish all of you a cool and relaxing afternoon and evening. Love!

Posted by: luv2travel

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 02:13 PM

Good Thursday GBers!

Having a fine day here! Where's L4L? Hope all is OK with her and Soot and family!
Thanks for your birthday wishes everybody! Weatherman is predicting Tstms for later and it's hot and humid (for Phoenix) so I can believe it.

Andrea wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 02:14 PM

L4L is feeling under the weather today. She will be on as soon as she can.

Ana wave
Posted by: luv2travel

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 02:26 PM

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that, Ana! Hope she feels better soon! ((((HUGS)))) L4L!
Posted by: Midge

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 02:52 PM

Hi Bets hearts. I'm playing Mystery Case Files Escape from Ravenhearst Collector's edition. Great game.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 08:53 PM

Hello everybody. wave

We actually got a wee bit of rain here this evening. Very wee. razz

That's after our thermometer hit 105 degrees. scared

How much higher it went I'm not sure.

I'm watching a Potter movie and thinking about going to bed already. yes

The Ministry is interfering at Hogwarts and it's very tiring. I should be watching from bed. lol

I hope everyone is doing ok and having a nice evening. yes

L4L I hope you're feeling better. kissy

Posted by: Midge

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 10:08 PM

Joe I'm also watching the Harry Potter movie. I am so hooked on all of them. Saying good night now. Work early in the morning. See you then.

Midgiesleep hearts
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Thump Day - 07/11/13 10:40 PM

Good night Boomers. sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thump Day - 07/12/13 12:57 AM

Time here to call it a day. Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

L4l prayers that you are feeling better in the morning.

Andrea hope you had a wonderful birthday!!

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thump Day - 07/12/13 01:10 AM

Sweet dreams Nan, Space, Midgie, Joe and all. I'll be here a couple more hours.

Ana wave