TGIF

Posted by: gymcandy1

TGIF - 07/11/13 11:13 PM

The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121 AD - 180 AD),
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of Americans are touring Ireland. One of the women in the group is a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining: "The bus seats are uncomfortable, food is terrible, too hot, too cold, accomodation is dreadful..."

One day, the group arrives at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone," their guide says. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."

"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouts. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."

"Well now," the guide says, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."

"And I suppose you've kissed the stone?" the woman scoffs.

"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide responds. "But I have sat on it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

"I can't do that, occifer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."

"Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."

"Can't do that either, occifer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."

"Alright, we could get a blood sample."

"Can't do that either, occifer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."

"Fine then, just walk this white line."

"Can't do that either, occifer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say,..."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. I can hear better now than I ever could."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks?

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I normally don't like to use the F word when I'm working on Saturday, but what the heck.

IT'S FRIDAYYYYYY!! smile

I'm happy for everyone who isn't working.

shame no

L


O


L... lol

It puts me one day closer to Sunday when it will indeed be sunny, and I will be off & trying to avoid being out in it for 1 fleeting day off. razz

oops I used another F word.

If I keep using the F words I'll have to change the name of this place to The Dirty Diner. blush

Have a happy day everyone. dance


Edit;

Oops, yeah it's still me........joe
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 07/11/13 11:31 PM

You know you give me gray hair some days Joe. lol

I am glad you are getting closer to your day off. yay I'll be in the corner. I'm running out of snacks so feed me please. rotfl I had a smoothie for breakfast and dinner yesterday because I had no time to make anything to eat.

Have a wonderful day!

Ana wave
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: TGIF - 07/11/13 11:35 PM

Have a great Friday Joe, Ana, and all the my fellow Boomers.
Posted by: Haroula

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 03:08 AM

Have a great Friday Joe, Ana, S.Q.F and all who follow later. smile wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 03:19 AM

Have a great day also SpaceQ and Haroula.

Ana wave
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 04:57 AM

Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana, and Haroula. Boy you all are up late. Coffee is ready. Have a great day everyone! wave
Posted by: venus

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 06:08 AM

Hello and goodbye. wave
Posted by: connie

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 06:44 AM

Good morning everyone. L4L, I hope your feeling better this morning. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, Omelets, Waffles, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer
Posted by: GBC

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 07:04 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope work turns out enjoyable today. lol

Ana, wishing you an easy corner day.

Space, good morning.

Haroula, good day.

Gerry, I'm in need of coffee. Thanks.

Venus, good day wished at work.

Connie, Danish sounds yummy this morning.

Hard to make plans around here lately. Sun shines then it rains then the sun shines again. It's a fifty-fifty chance on the weather. woozy
Posted by: Darlene

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 10:01 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Friday goes easy peasy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: MsMercury

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 10:06 AM

Hello Boomers! Hope you are all keeping well!

Another hot and clammy day here, don't really want to complain as the last couple of summers have been a complete washout but I can't tolerate this heat...good news is it's to be a few degrees cooler over the weekend and into next week which will suit me fine as I have to start baking again!

Trying to decide what to have for tea, definitely something no-cook...probably settle for cold chicken wraps with salad.

Have a great day guys!

Mary hearts
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 10:30 AM

Well I must be off and running this morning. Have a funeral and dentist appointment and they might over lap but no biggie!!

Joe only one after today!! Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana you surely are running on little sleep. Hope the corner is kind!

Haroula, Space, Gerry, Connie, Gail, venus, Mary and Darlene may you have a lovely day and everything go smoothly!!

wave
Nan
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 10:49 AM

Nan, sorry you have a double dose of bad things today. sad Hope both go well.

Mary, I will gladly trade you heat for the mild summer we are having. I actually miss the hot days.

Darlene, safe whooshing!

Gail, I hope today is nothing but sunshine for you!

Connie, how is hubby doing?

Venus, have a great day!

Gerry, hope all is well by you. hearts

Sue...missing you! Did I scare you in the corner this morning?

I am escaping for an hour today with the dogs for some much needed walking and fresh air. Other than that, it's a corner day.

Ana
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 12:04 PM

New day new fun. The 'for rent' sign on the house that was suddenly empty is down now. Was up, then down, then up again and now down again. Might see some action over there soon. Hope the new people are good neighbors.
Posted by: Gimli

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 12:08 PM

wave

Hot hot hot summer

Cold Melon and cold ham for supper duh and then sleep

Sorry, it's too hot to talk thumbsdown

L4L. I hope you feel better today kissy

kissy for you all

Evelyne
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 12:30 PM

Wow, the sun is actually shinging here today. happydance
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 12:42 PM

Joe!!! You definitely need that day off!! Aww Ana, I hope you can get caught up and have some time out, outside where you like to be!! Hi Space and Haroula, hope you both have a great day. Hi Gerry and venus and thank you for the goodies Connie! Hi Gail, my family has been telling me about the weather in New England.....hope it will clear up soon for some Summer fun! Have a great work day Darlene. Hi Mary, hope things do cool down soon for you. 'Morning sweet Nan, hope things go smoothly for you today. hearts Sorta, it never ends in your neighborhood!! Hi Evelyne, from one extreme to another..hope it cools off soon!!! cool Are you on vacation, Space? I thought you said the sun was singing and I rather liked that idea!! I worked my fanny off yesterday and hope to game some today and cook....not in the mood for that but can't be helped!! Happy Gaming everyone!!! wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 03:38 PM

Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Thanks for the good wishes. I am feeling better today...still a bit wonky but much much better than yesterday.

Hubby has Fridays off for awhile. Nice to have him home.

We slept late. Keoki had to go for a shot, so we took everyone and on the way home checked out the creek park. We hadn't been there is a very long time. That was where we spent Solo's last day and I just haven't been able to go back. But, today was a good day to do it. It was too hot to walk the dogs at our current park. We were able to soak the dogs on every lap which made it much safer to walk them in the heat.

Then home to clean up and make smoothies and cut watermelon. Smoothie and watermelon are my favorite go-to when I'm drenched from the heat.

Now Soot is out doing errands and as soon as I post, I'll be heading back to the kitchen to work on supper. Hubby loves pimento cheese sandwiches and I found a recipe that sounds good and I have homemade bread, so I'm making some which we we will have with gazpacho tonight.

We will most likely watch a movie tonight, but we shall see. Depending on cooking time, I think I'll brush dogs. I swear I should just shave them all.

Son just popped home for a nap between shifts, so I'll make him a smoothie for work before I start on the pimento cheese. If hubby can find pasteurized eggs, I want to make mayo...but I don't trust the raw eggs nor do I trust the methods I've found to pasteurize at home.

If anyone is cold, come on down to AL...we are just happy not to be in the 90's....which I'm sure we shall be soon. wave
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 04:29 PM

Wel just popping in to say I am off with the taxi!! lol

L4l glad you are feeling better and were able to have a nice walk by the creek. HUGS!

Ana hope the corner is being kind and moving right along for you! Have a nice hike.

Have a lovely afternoon and evening all. I'm running late. lol

wave
Nan
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 05:42 PM

Bye, Nan, be safe and have fun! wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 05:52 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: soot

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 06:16 PM

Night Haroula .. sleep well!

Hello everyone .. enjoying the day off and loving it .. hmm, I should take every Friday off from now on think

I wish...

Take care all .. have fun and stay safe!

wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 06:17 PM

Night, Haroula sleep

Soot, kissy
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 09:39 PM

Taxi home!!! Had a good time.

Night Haroula sleep well.

Soot glad you are enjoying the extra day off!!

L4l hope you are feeling better! HUGS!

wave
Nan
Posted by: luv2travel

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 09:53 PM

Hi GBers!

Here are some new puppy pics!

Andrea wave

PS Ana I sure don't know how to do this from Photobucket.
Posted by: Midge

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 09:56 PM

Oh Andrea Don't show these to MaG...she'll want one. rotfl

Night all.

Midgie sleep
Posted by: aserID

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 10:49 PM


Looney4labs- flowers

I just signed on and read
where you've been feeling ill.
It's no picnic being sick. I
hope you're much better now.

Take care,

Aser wave
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: TGIF - 07/12/13 11:25 PM

Good night Boomers. sleep
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: TGIF - 07/13/13 12:24 AM

Hope you feel better soon L3L. Oh My!!! Andrea, he is Adorable!! I can't believe that face. I think I'm in love!!
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: TGIF - 07/13/13 12:30 AM

Lotus, how is your mom?

Andrea, he is such a cutie! puppy

I have to get bed, it'll be another short night. sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: TGIF - 07/13/13 01:34 AM

Andrea what a cutie!!!! Thanks for sharing!!

Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: TGIF - 07/13/13 12:41 PM

Thanks Aser and Lotus, that's sweet! wave

Andrea, Remi is too adorable. Why don't you send him to Auntie L4L's for a bit? Puppies can be so much trouble and he can play with my gang. whistle