Posted by: gymcandy1

Saturdiner - 07/19/13 11:12 PM

I'm baaaack..... evil

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

Two guys were talking at work.

"I've got a problem," said the first one.

"What is it?"

"My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And I am fresh out of ideas. I mean it's HER mother, why can't she buy it?"

"What did you buy her last year?" the other one asked.

"Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery plot."

"Hmmmm, hard to top that one," said the other.

The two guys couldn't come up with anything. So the son-in-law didn't buy his mother-in-law anything for her birthday.

When the big day arrived the next weekend, she was a bit upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, "Thank you all for the wonderful gifts. Too bad my daughter and son-in-law weren't so thoughtful!"

Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!"

Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why did the foreman fire you?"

Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman."

The was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. . .

After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids showed up and they saw his sign: "Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."

Well the kids were bright and not about to risk another watermelon. They ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the sign that the farmer made.

The next day the farmer showed up to look over the field and he noticed to his delight that no watermelons are missing. He was perplexed, however, by a sign next to his. He drove his tractor up to the sign which read: "Now there are two!"

A businessman walks into a bar after a day at the office, sits down, and orders a drink. He grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he takes his first sip, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is that silk? The women must love you."

Wondering who would make such a strange comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone near him who could've been speaking to him. With a shrug, he finishes his drink & peanuts and orders another.

Next he hears a voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they Italian leather? They look grrrreat."

He whirls around to again see no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool. A little wierded out, he grabs another handful of peanuts and orders a third drink. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks fantastic. Is it an Armani? You are *SO* G.Q.!"

He immediately calls the bartender over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look -- What's up with that? Am I going crazy?"

"Oh," the bartender, nonchalantly replies, "those are just the peanuts."

"The peanuts?!?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

"Yeah," replies the bartender, "...they're complimentary."

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she tried to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure all over her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

It feels like a month of Sundays since I posted a diner. shocked

I guess it was that, and more, since there's only 4 Sundays in a month. snicker

I was trying to save Ana from more gray hairs. wink

No telling how many "F" words I might have used. grin

Like Fun, and Fantastic, and Frivolous, and Fruity tootie. snicker

That last one is the one my sister uses on me all the time. She has a thing for fruits and nuts. crazy

You should see MY gray hair. eek

Have a happy day everyone.

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturdiner - 07/19/13 11:28 PM

hearts Joe! It's so good to see you back. I have enough gray hair. It's only in the front though. rotfl

I guess it's back to work for you today, huh? I hope it's not too early of one.

Today is a corner day...

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Ana wave
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 12:00 AM

welcome back Joe. We missed you. bravo
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 12:12 AM

Have a great day SpaceQ!

Ana wave
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 02:52 AM

Welcome back Joe smile
Good morning everyone,have all a nice day. wave happydance
Posted by: cailyn

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 03:29 AM

Good morning everyone,Joe glad to see you back waveTemp is 78 right now,hopefully it breaks today and starts to cool off!Coffee is on wishing everyone a happy day summer
Posted by: connie

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 06:33 AM

Welcome back Joe. Today we're going on a Pontoon boat ride with Granddaughter and her boyfriend, then to lunch. It's her Birthday present from her boyfriend. I hope we don't see any Gators, just lots of other wildlife. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and French Toast in the NC. summer
Posted by: soot

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 07:54 AM

Good morning Joe, it's great to see you. Looks like we'll have a nice day in the mid-80s. I've got some maintenance on the dishwasher and refrigerator to tinker with today so that should keep me off the streets. But before I can get to that I've got to work in the Garden, listen to my music and enjoy the coffee, have a cinnamon bun and some french toast to get me going.

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana SpaceQF Haroula Sue Connie and the rest of the gang when you are up and at em.

Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 08:49 AM

Loved the jokes Joe. The birthday present was my favorite.

thanks to Ana for keeping the diner going while you were gone Joe. praise
Posted by: venus

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 09:25 AM

welcome back, Joe!

Hope your corner project goes well, Ana.

Enjoy your day, Space Quest.

Have a nice day as well, Haroula.

Cailyn, it's been in the nineties here, so 78 sounds nice and cool to me. lol Hope you get the weather you want soon.

Have fun on the Pontoon ride, and birthday to your granddaughter, Connie.

Have fun in your garden, and hope the dishwasher and refrigerator maintenance go well, soot.

I'm off today. Thorsgoats and I are going to have breakfast, and then I think I'll find a nice game to play. grin Possibly my new Face Noir. thumbsup

Have a great Saturday, everyone. summer
Posted by: GBC

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 09:42 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe welcome back. You were missed!

Ana, hope your corner day goes smoothly.

Haroula, good day to you also.

Sue, coffee sounds great. It's way too hot here but I have to have my hot coffee.

Connie, have fun. I love Pontoons.

Soot, enjoy being Mr. Fix It today.

Space, have a great day!

Venus, enjoy your day off.

Still in the 90's here. Hoping it changes today. It's been too hot for too long. woozy
Posted by: soot

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 09:57 AM

I agree SQF thanks Ana

woot Enjoy your day off Venus; I always do wink

Yes Gail, I hope you get a break in the heat too as it appears the SummerHotWeatherIsUponUsHeatedly wink


L4L hearts
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 10:02 AM

Super Saturday ya'll puppy

Slept like a log last night but seemed to have picked up a sore throat, a sore back, and a sore shoulder sometime while I was sleeping. I don't know what I did, but I sure hope I had fun doing it.

Hubby and I watched Red (the original one) last night. Such a fun movie. Now we are chomping at the bit to see the new one, but I expect we will see it when it comes out on dvd.

Mr. Keoki is doing great. Took him off his pain meds as he has gotten very frisky wanting to take off running when the kitchen gate is open. I wish I could explain to him Why we want him to stay down.

My chore of the day is to go through the myriad piles of stuff in the den (from the laundry room) so we can put the laundry room back together and reclaim the den. I do need to cook the books but can't do that until my brain joins my body in being awake.

But, before I start chores, I'm gonna sit and sip and surf for a sec. wave

Soot kissy
Posted by: manxman

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 10:29 AM

Welcome back Joe woot
Hope everyone has a great Saturday smile
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 10:55 AM

Welcome back Joe!!! Missed you! May work go well and the time fly! Thanks for the laughs, you're the best!! thumbsup

Ana may the corner be kind and may it move right along. Sorry you had to cancel your date night but glad that you are all safe! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn, Gerry, venus, L4l, Soot, Gail, and Connie, if I knew how to send our lake breeze, that has come up today, to all of you, I would. It is a nice 60 out there this morning. One nice thing about living so close to Lake Superior!!! lol

Cailyn have a lovely day and stay cool.

Connie have loads of fun on the pontoon ride and prayers no gators there. birthday to granddaughter. BTW did she get the pontoon or just a ride?? duh Thanks for the treats!

Soot hope the "mister fix it" projects go well and are simple and easy!! Have a lovely day!

L4l have fun sorting the keep and the throw items! Wonder what you were doing in your dreamland. lol I remember a movie from years ago about this guy and what he thought was his dream world was his actual world and what he thought was his actual world was his dream world. Both were so real. I think it stared Lloyd Bridges. Anyway prayers that the throat, back and shoulder fell better soonest!

Gail me hopes it cools down there for you. We had three days in the 90's this week and that hasn't happened in over 12 years. We get those type of days but not in a row like this so it is a pleasure when the wind decides to switch and come in off Lake Superior, like today!!! Have a lovely day!

No plans for the day yet. Granddaughter might be stopping by a little later and then I know daughter is stopping after work!

Have a lovely day all.

Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 11:44 AM

Good morning and thanks everybody for the welcome back. It's great to be back. yay

I have taken one more day off. I'll return to work tomorrow. I needed a "me" day. yes

My son and older sister have both left foe the Texas Panhandle. Home for my sister, and visiting his other grandmother for my son.

Other sister has gone to work, which leaves me. wink

It's going to be mid 90s again. I need to get out and do some mowing before we get there. happydance

I hope you all have a super Saturday. woot

Posted by: Darlene

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 11:59 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Good to see you back, opening the Diner! Glad to hear you're taking a 'me' day! Much needed, I'm sure. Hope your Saturdiner is easy peasy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Hubby and I have an investment luncheon at noon given by his colleagues, then we'll see where the day takes us!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 12:24 PM

Enjoy your "me" day Joe. happydance
Posted by: 3dobermans

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 03:36 PM

Welcome back Joe; glad you're taking a "me" day.

L4L, know what you mean about trying to keep a dog quiet when they hurt. Skye gets to frolicking to much and sore's herself up. When I won't let her out with the other 2 she just starts pacing. Sometimes have to give her half a Rimadyl which helps quite a bit.

Temp is 90 degrees and rising.

Off to surf a bit; have a great day all.
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 04:00 PM

sleep wave
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 07:01 PM

Good afternoon everybody! I've been working, took the dogs to the river, did a couple errands with hubby and then back to work. After dinner hubby and I will go for a bike ride and then once again back to work.

How is your day?

Ana wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 07:50 PM

Well, the day has been busy. Was just getting ready to make a Brown Sugar Apple Cake when the phone rang. It was the garage...our truck was ready and they left us just enough time to get there before they closed if we raced out as soon as we hung up. So we did.

Got back. Started getting stuff out for the cake. Phone rang. It was a friend with a husband in the hospital and a dog emergency. She doesn't use a vet with emergency services, so she didn't know what to do. Sent Soot running out the door to pick her up and take her to the next town where there is an Emergency Vet. They are still there as far as I can tell. I would have gone but I hate to drive and I have No sense of direction and can't drive at night, so she and I going together would have been a bad thing. I'm waiting to hear how Brody is.

Then back up to make the cake when I discovered that my baking powder is expired. I haven't baked much for years so when I started checking, most of my stuff was questionable. Tossed it all and will bake tomorrow. Can't go to the store to get more as I can't leave the Keoki man.

But, on the plus side, my baking cupboard will get restocked with all nice fresh ingredients. I think God was telling me to make Orange Sorbet for dessert rather than Brown Sugar Apple Cake lol
Posted by: Sorta Blonde

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 08:23 PM

Gee L4L, your 'ingredient' story reminded me of the massive clean out I did a few years back after I remembered that my spices and several other 'baking things' might need looking at. I had a full spice rack of everything you could imagine. Wellll, I guess spices don't last 30 years in good shape. rotfl I tossed them all, along with the baking powder and soda and cornstarch, molasses, salt/pepper, etc. Did you know that salt looses it saltiness after many years? Uhhuh. It does. So now I have only what I use frequently. Maybe 3 spices and the minimal sizes of the other stuff. I don't even have any flour in my house at the present time! Wow. And this from a gal who taught COOKING for years and years. True confessions.

STILL no yard kid. I've given up. He will appear when I least expect it. Let's hope I'm in a good mood that day. taz
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 09:49 PM

Hello everyone. wave

I had a very good day. I did some laundry, mowed the lawn, washed my truck, did some more laundry, washed some dishes, and so on bla bla bla.... lol

That was my day. How was yours? wink

Tomorrow I work from 7:00 to 4:00. happydance

I guess I'm ready.

I've been getting some bad bites on my leg, and couldn't figure out why until I found an itty bitty tick on me today. mad

The other bad thing that happened today was while I was mowing, I got stung on the cheek by a red wasp.

I'm at war now with the wasp. I will commit mass genocide on them tomorrow. evil

They will know pain.

I'm so excited I hope I can sleep tonight. lol

Off now to get another diner started. thumbsup

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 09:53 PM

Joe, the tiny ticks are deer ticks so please be careful because they are lyme disease carriers.
Use meat tenderizers on the wasp bite and it go away quick. It works on mosquito bites and any other kind too.

We have bad storms here so I will sign off a bit.
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 10:09 PM

Good night Boomers. wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 10:54 PM

Night guys, time to head off to bed. Sweet dreams sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Saturdiner - 07/20/13 11:52 PM

Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams. We are going down to 50F tonight so should be good sleeping weather! happydance

Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Saturdiner - 07/21/13 12:47 AM