Posted By: gymcandy1
Saturdiner - 07/27/13 12:50 AM
There is a harmony
In autumn, and a lustre in its sky,
Which through the summer is not heard or seen,
As if it could not be, as if it had not been!
Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792 - 1822)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The 75-year-old groom, with the young wife, caused a lot of
attention as he checked into the resort hotel.
The following morning, the old boy came strutting into the dining
room, lookin' great with a big smile on his face. He proceeded to
order an enormous breakfast.
He laughed and joked and was in obvious good spirits, whereas his
young wife, who came into the room a half hour later, looked worn
out. She ordered coffee in a voice so weak the waiter had to ask
her to repeat the order.
The old man finished his breakfast, excused himself and left for
their room. This gave the waitress a chance to ask the bride,
"Honey, I can't figure it out. The old geezer, your husband, looks
like a million and you look like two cents. What's wrong?"
"That guy double-crossed me," the bride said. "He told me he'd
saved up for fifty years! And all the time I thought he was
talking about money!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American tourist visited a small town in Spain.
The residents had never seen an American before, so he was treated as an honoured guest at the hotel.
Dinning for the first night, he asked the waiter what he recommended for dinner.
He suggested the "cojones".
The tourist asked what they were and the waiter replied, "Those are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today."
He was shocked but agreed to try them after being assured it was a delicacy reserved only for special guests.
The tourist found them to be very tasty.
The next night he again ordered them for dinner.
The waiter complied but somewhat reluctantly.
The tourist again found them to be very tasty but asked the waiter why they were so much smaller than before.
The waiter said, "You see, Senor, sometimes it is the bull that wins!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Boss, I've got to have a raise," the salesman said to his sales manager. "There are three other companies after me."
"Is that a fact?" the manager asked. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the phone company, and the gas company."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.
The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral and so the man said, "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce."
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest", the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and eat dinner with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon back up." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Nonsense, come on!" the farmer insisted. "Well, okay," the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "Why do you think your Pa would be upset with you?"
"Cause he's out there under the wagon."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians.
Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.
The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with,
"But, compared to his brother, he was a saint."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot."
"Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." George was brokenhearted.
After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too, George."
"I'm awfully sorry about this." George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.
"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister."
"Oh now don't you pay any attention to what he says son. He's not really your father."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Let's see this is either Tuesday, or Thursday for me.
I'm so confused.
That's ok though. You guys go ahead and enjoy your Saturday.
I'm going to get up at 4:30, I get to sleep late, and go in to work, and get off at 3:00.
I hope when I dream tonight, I dream that I'm sleeping.
While I'm hoping I may as well hope you all have a happy day.
Heck I may as well hope you all get rich today too.
When you get rich do you think you could spot me a couple of hundred?
Have a happy one everyone.
joe
In autumn, and a lustre in its sky,
Which through the summer is not heard or seen,
As if it could not be, as if it had not been!
Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792 - 1822)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The 75-year-old groom, with the young wife, caused a lot of
attention as he checked into the resort hotel.
The following morning, the old boy came strutting into the dining
room, lookin' great with a big smile on his face. He proceeded to
order an enormous breakfast.
He laughed and joked and was in obvious good spirits, whereas his
young wife, who came into the room a half hour later, looked worn
out. She ordered coffee in a voice so weak the waiter had to ask
her to repeat the order.
The old man finished his breakfast, excused himself and left for
their room. This gave the waitress a chance to ask the bride,
"Honey, I can't figure it out. The old geezer, your husband, looks
like a million and you look like two cents. What's wrong?"
"That guy double-crossed me," the bride said. "He told me he'd
saved up for fifty years! And all the time I thought he was
talking about money!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American tourist visited a small town in Spain.
The residents had never seen an American before, so he was treated as an honoured guest at the hotel.
Dinning for the first night, he asked the waiter what he recommended for dinner.
He suggested the "cojones".
The tourist asked what they were and the waiter replied, "Those are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today."
He was shocked but agreed to try them after being assured it was a delicacy reserved only for special guests.
The tourist found them to be very tasty.
The next night he again ordered them for dinner.
The waiter complied but somewhat reluctantly.
The tourist again found them to be very tasty but asked the waiter why they were so much smaller than before.
The waiter said, "You see, Senor, sometimes it is the bull that wins!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Boss, I've got to have a raise," the salesman said to his sales manager. "There are three other companies after me."
"Is that a fact?" the manager asked. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the phone company, and the gas company."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.
The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral and so the man said, "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce."
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest", the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and eat dinner with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon back up." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Nonsense, come on!" the farmer insisted. "Well, okay," the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "Why do you think your Pa would be upset with you?"
"Cause he's out there under the wagon."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians.
Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.
The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with,
"But, compared to his brother, he was a saint."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot."
"Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." George was brokenhearted.
After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too, George."
"I'm awfully sorry about this." George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.
"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister."
"Oh now don't you pay any attention to what he says son. He's not really your father."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Let's see this is either Tuesday, or Thursday for me.
I'm so confused.
That's ok though. You guys go ahead and enjoy your Saturday.
I'm going to get up at 4:30, I get to sleep late, and go in to work, and get off at 3:00.
I hope when I dream tonight, I dream that I'm sleeping.
While I'm hoping I may as well hope you all have a happy day.
Heck I may as well hope you all get rich today too.
When you get rich do you think you could spot me a couple of hundred?
Have a happy one everyone.
joe
I may not be rolling in money but I am rich. 
Hope everyone has a super saturday 
Karen
Enjoy!!
to your grandson!! Enjoy the party!!
Happy Gaming everyone!! 
Joe, I'm watching Harry Potter also. I guess I just can't get enough of HP. Love all of them. Night L4L. Sweet dreams to you Sweetie. Tell Soot we're all thinking of him.