Posted By: gymcandy1
Take Tuesday - 08/27/13 05:04 AM
We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh.
Agnes Repplier (1855 - 1950), Americans and Others, 1912
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift.
The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers". "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him.
The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy."
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also.
The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked.
"No," said the little girl.
So she tasted it again. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"Noooo," replied the little girl, "It's a puppy."
~~~~~~~~~~~
A philosophy professor stands in front of his class and fills a
mayonnaise jar with rocks that are about 2" in diameter.
The professor asks the class if the jar is full...they agree that
it is.
The professor then takes a handful of pebbles and adds them
to the jar, shaking it so the pebbles fill the cracks and asks if
the jar is full and again the class agrees.
The professor produces a small bag of sand and proceeds to
add it to the jar, shaking it so it fill the cracks and asks the
class if the jar is full and for the third time they agreed it is.
"Now"...the professor says..."I want you to use this jar full of
sediment as a way of looking at your life...the rocks represent
the things that are most important to you, your family, your
partner and your health... things that are the cornerstone of
your life."
"The pebbles represent things like your money, your job or
your dwelling,things that are important, but can be replaced."
"The sand represents the small things in your life, for instance,
what you wear, who you are seen with or where you eat."
"You'll find, if you put the sand in the jar first, you won't have
enough room for not only the pebbles, but most importantly
the rocks."
"The same thing goes for your life, if you spend too much time
and energy on the small issues, you focus less on the things
that really matter."
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness,
play with your children, take your spouse out on a date and find
time for that medical checkup, in essences, set your priorities...
you must take care of the rocks first, then let the pebbles and
sand fill your jar."
As the professor finishes, he receives a standing ovation for his
presentation, but through the crowd, comes a pupil from the
back of the room wearing a backpack.
He goes to front of the class, takes a bottle of beer out, opens it
and pours it into the professor's jar.
The student asks the professor..."would you say the jar now full?"
The stunned professor could only watch as the student answered
his own question..."then we must conclude, that no mater how full
your life is...there's always room for beer!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When NASA first started sending up astronauts,
they discovered that their ball point pens would
not work in zero gravity.
To overcome this small problem, NASA scientists
spent three years and $7 million to develop a pen
that would write in zero gravity, upside down, on
almost any surface and at any temperature.
The Russians used a pencil.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A drunk, staggering down main street, somehow
manages to make it into a cathedral.
A priest watched him, as he crashed from pew to
pew, finally making his way into the confessional.
The priest, thinking the man needs his assistance,
proceeds to his side of the confessional.
His attention was rewarded with a lengthy silence,
followed by bodily gas being released.
The priest, battling extreme stench, finally asks...
"may I help you, my son?"
"Dunno"...came a slurred voice from the other side
..."you got any toilet paper?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida,
his wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email,
unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address,
he did his best to type it from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an
elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor,
let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint, at the sound,
her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen.....
DEAREST WIFE...
JUST GOT CHECKED IN...
EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW...
P.S.
SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If...
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If, however, it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff,
eats your food,
uses your telephone,
takes your money, and
never appears to have noticed that
you actually set it free in the first place,
You either married it or gave birth to it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Who ya gonna call?
Remember Ghost Busters?
I dismember it well.
My kids were.............kids.
Anyway I'm watching it now. I loved the humor in it, especially Bill Murray's.
Such fine acting too.
You know I don't think I can remember seeing a movie where nearly everybody in it smoked.
Anyway I'm inspired, and I think this Halloween I'm going trick-or-treating as a Ghozer worshiper.
That reminds me. Be sure you all run down to your nearest neighborhood Lowe's, and stock up on your Halloween decorations before they're all gone.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Agnes Repplier (1855 - 1950), Americans and Others, 1912
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift.
The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers". "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him.
The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy."
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also.
The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked.
"No," said the little girl.
So she tasted it again. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"Noooo," replied the little girl, "It's a puppy."
~~~~~~~~~~~
A philosophy professor stands in front of his class and fills a
mayonnaise jar with rocks that are about 2" in diameter.
The professor asks the class if the jar is full...they agree that
it is.
The professor then takes a handful of pebbles and adds them
to the jar, shaking it so the pebbles fill the cracks and asks if
the jar is full and again the class agrees.
The professor produces a small bag of sand and proceeds to
add it to the jar, shaking it so it fill the cracks and asks the
class if the jar is full and for the third time they agreed it is.
"Now"...the professor says..."I want you to use this jar full of
sediment as a way of looking at your life...the rocks represent
the things that are most important to you, your family, your
partner and your health... things that are the cornerstone of
your life."
"The pebbles represent things like your money, your job or
your dwelling,things that are important, but can be replaced."
"The sand represents the small things in your life, for instance,
what you wear, who you are seen with or where you eat."
"You'll find, if you put the sand in the jar first, you won't have
enough room for not only the pebbles, but most importantly
the rocks."
"The same thing goes for your life, if you spend too much time
and energy on the small issues, you focus less on the things
that really matter."
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness,
play with your children, take your spouse out on a date and find
time for that medical checkup, in essences, set your priorities...
you must take care of the rocks first, then let the pebbles and
sand fill your jar."
As the professor finishes, he receives a standing ovation for his
presentation, but through the crowd, comes a pupil from the
back of the room wearing a backpack.
He goes to front of the class, takes a bottle of beer out, opens it
and pours it into the professor's jar.
The student asks the professor..."would you say the jar now full?"
The stunned professor could only watch as the student answered
his own question..."then we must conclude, that no mater how full
your life is...there's always room for beer!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When NASA first started sending up astronauts,
they discovered that their ball point pens would
not work in zero gravity.
To overcome this small problem, NASA scientists
spent three years and $7 million to develop a pen
that would write in zero gravity, upside down, on
almost any surface and at any temperature.
The Russians used a pencil.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A drunk, staggering down main street, somehow
manages to make it into a cathedral.
A priest watched him, as he crashed from pew to
pew, finally making his way into the confessional.
The priest, thinking the man needs his assistance,
proceeds to his side of the confessional.
His attention was rewarded with a lengthy silence,
followed by bodily gas being released.
The priest, battling extreme stench, finally asks...
"may I help you, my son?"
"Dunno"...came a slurred voice from the other side
..."you got any toilet paper?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida,
his wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email,
unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address,
he did his best to type it from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an
elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor,
let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint, at the sound,
her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen.....
DEAREST WIFE...
JUST GOT CHECKED IN...
EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW...
P.S.
SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If...
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If, however, it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff,
eats your food,
uses your telephone,
takes your money, and
never appears to have noticed that
you actually set it free in the first place,
You either married it or gave birth to it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Who ya gonna call?
Remember Ghost Busters?
I dismember it well.
My kids were.............kids.
Anyway I'm watching it now. I loved the humor in it, especially Bill Murray's.
Such fine acting too.
You know I don't think I can remember seeing a movie where nearly everybody in it smoked.
Anyway I'm inspired, and I think this Halloween I'm going trick-or-treating as a Ghozer worshiper.
That reminds me. Be sure you all run down to your nearest neighborhood Lowe's, and stock up on your Halloween decorations before they're all gone.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
I am loving the heat!
