Posted By: gymcandy1
Saturdiner - 08/31/13 04:43 AM
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject....Health Food
With today's adults looking for a healthier lifestyle,
food and stress are very important to them.
We will look first at what food can be added to our
diet that will help relieve stress.
The food in question, is chocolate. This overlooked
food is considered unhealthy, but let's take a look.
Chocolate is made from sugar and cocoa beans with
the bean known as a vegetable.
Sugar is derived mainly from sugar cane, this would
also be in the vegetable category, thus classifying all
chocolate as a vegetable.
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and
strawberries all count as fruit, and as you well know,
you are encouraged to eat as much fruit as you want!
To take this one step further, milk chocolate contains
milk, which is dairy, therefore, chocolate, in any form,
should be considered a health food.
so remember...STRESSED spelled backward is............. DESSERTS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The City Health Inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat to where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the Health Inspector nearly chokes when he see that he is not wearing a shirt. The chef then proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.
Appalled, the Health Inspector had barely finished writing up this infraction when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked and bewildered, the Health Inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen.
"That's nothing," said the manager, "you should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are three men in the woods. they are hunter, trapper, and stupid
guy. Hunter goes out and comes back an hour later with a bear. Trapper asks
"how did you get that?" Hunter says me find tracks, me follow tracks, me find
bear, me shoot bear, bear stop."
Trapper goes out and comes back an hour later with a deer. Stupid guy
asks "how did you get that?" Trapper says" me find tracks, me follow tracks,
me find deer, me shoot dear, dear stop."
Stupid guy goes out and comes back two hours later bruised and nearly
dead with broken limbs. Hunter and trapper ask "What happened to you?"
stupid guy says "me find tracks, me follow tracks, me find train, me shoot
train, train don't stop."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said,
"Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of
the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start
making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in, "Yes, some times I find myself on the landing
of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way
down."
The third one responded, " Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock
on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them "That's
the door, I'll get it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's the middle of summer and a Highway Patrolman pulls over a motorist
for speeding. While he's writing the ticket, flies keep buzzing around
his head, annoying him considerably.
"Circle flies sure are bad this year, aren't they?" says the motorist.
"Yeah," says the patrolman, "if that's what these are, you're sure
right. But I've never heard of a circle fly before. What's that?"
"Well," the motorist responds, "circle flies are a species of fly that
are particularly partial to horses. Specifically, they tend to circle
around a horse's rear end. That's why they call 'em circle flies."
The patrolman, catching the implication, replies, "You don't say. Well,
that's very interesting. But it strikes me that you might be trying to
call me a horse's ass. You wouldn't be making that kind of implication
about an officer of the law, would you?"
"Oh, no sir!" responds the motorist. "No, sir, not at all. I have the
utmost respect for law enforcement officers, and would never dream of
implying that one of them was a horse's ass. No, sir, I'm terribly
sorry if that's how it sounded."
"Yeah, I didn't think so," replied the patrolman.
"Yeah," the motorist continued, "but there's just no fooling those
circle flies, is there?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning Gameboomers.
Welcome to the weekend!
I'm famished this morning.......
......because I worked on this diner all night. 
Well, I must have cooked all night because I have all kinds of food. Fried eggs, scrambled eggs, poached eggs, with bacon, sausage, ham, or steak. I have biscuits and gravy, and I have waffles with strawberries and whipped cream. I also have pancakes of the blueberry persuasion for Midgie Poo, and you too if you like.
Come on in and bring your appetites.
I'm celebrating because yesterday I was, and today I'm not.
Yesterday I was on a diet, and today I'm not. WOO HOO!
No more celery.
No no, yesterday I was working, and today I'm not, of course.
I'm also celebrating because yesterday I was, and today I am too.
Yesterday I was late getting up, and believe you me I will be late getting up today.
Y'all have a happy day, ya hear?
joe
Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject....Health Food
With today's adults looking for a healthier lifestyle,
food and stress are very important to them.
We will look first at what food can be added to our
diet that will help relieve stress.
The food in question, is chocolate. This overlooked
food is considered unhealthy, but let's take a look.
Chocolate is made from sugar and cocoa beans with
the bean known as a vegetable.
Sugar is derived mainly from sugar cane, this would
also be in the vegetable category, thus classifying all
chocolate as a vegetable.
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and
strawberries all count as fruit, and as you well know,
you are encouraged to eat as much fruit as you want!
To take this one step further, milk chocolate contains
milk, which is dairy, therefore, chocolate, in any form,
should be considered a health food.
so remember...STRESSED spelled backward is............. DESSERTS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The City Health Inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat to where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the Health Inspector nearly chokes when he see that he is not wearing a shirt. The chef then proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.
Appalled, the Health Inspector had barely finished writing up this infraction when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked and bewildered, the Health Inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen.
"That's nothing," said the manager, "you should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are three men in the woods. they are hunter, trapper, and stupid
guy. Hunter goes out and comes back an hour later with a bear. Trapper asks
"how did you get that?" Hunter says me find tracks, me follow tracks, me find
bear, me shoot bear, bear stop."
Trapper goes out and comes back an hour later with a deer. Stupid guy
asks "how did you get that?" Trapper says" me find tracks, me follow tracks,
me find deer, me shoot dear, dear stop."
Stupid guy goes out and comes back two hours later bruised and nearly
dead with broken limbs. Hunter and trapper ask "What happened to you?"
stupid guy says "me find tracks, me follow tracks, me find train, me shoot
train, train don't stop."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said,
"Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of
the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start
making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in, "Yes, some times I find myself on the landing
of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way
down."
The third one responded, " Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock
on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them "That's
the door, I'll get it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's the middle of summer and a Highway Patrolman pulls over a motorist
for speeding. While he's writing the ticket, flies keep buzzing around
his head, annoying him considerably.
"Circle flies sure are bad this year, aren't they?" says the motorist.
"Yeah," says the patrolman, "if that's what these are, you're sure
right. But I've never heard of a circle fly before. What's that?"
"Well," the motorist responds, "circle flies are a species of fly that
are particularly partial to horses. Specifically, they tend to circle
around a horse's rear end. That's why they call 'em circle flies."
The patrolman, catching the implication, replies, "You don't say. Well,
that's very interesting. But it strikes me that you might be trying to
call me a horse's ass. You wouldn't be making that kind of implication
about an officer of the law, would you?"
"Oh, no sir!" responds the motorist. "No, sir, not at all. I have the
utmost respect for law enforcement officers, and would never dream of
implying that one of them was a horse's ass. No, sir, I'm terribly
sorry if that's how it sounded."
"Yeah, I didn't think so," replied the patrolman.
"Yeah," the motorist continued, "but there's just no fooling those
circle flies, is there?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning Gameboomers.
Welcome to the weekend!
I'm famished this morning.......
......because I worked on this diner all night. Well, I must have cooked all night because I have all kinds of food. Fried eggs, scrambled eggs, poached eggs, with bacon, sausage, ham, or steak. I have biscuits and gravy, and I have waffles with strawberries and whipped cream. I also have pancakes of the blueberry persuasion for Midgie Poo, and you too if you like.
Come on in and bring your appetites.
I'm celebrating because yesterday I was, and today I'm not.
Yesterday I was on a diet, and today I'm not. WOO HOO!
No more celery.
No no, yesterday I was working, and today I'm not, of course.
I'm also celebrating because yesterday I was, and today I am too.
Yesterday I was late getting up, and believe you me I will be late getting up today.
Y'all have a happy day, ya hear?
joe
That's quite a spread you put out! I hope you can sleep in with no interruptions and enjoy your day. Give Pepper and Baby a hug from me too. 
Morning Ana, Haroula, Gerry, Connie, Gail, and everyone who comes in for breakfast at Joe's Diner. Have a great Saturday. I'm working all holiday weekend.
It has been storming since zero dark thirty and it doesn't seem to want to go away. On the plus side, we got a ton of rain between last nights deluge and this mornings which we really needed. It was supposed to be sunny and lovely today. 
Enjoy your new tv.