Thump Day

Posted by: gymcandy1

Thump Day - 09/19/13 12:25 AM

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900), The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.

"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"

She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, "Nelson." The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?" She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.

She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying "On The Road Again" when the light turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying attention to the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.

"Idiot!" she yelled and, from the radio, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States George W Bush."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "APRIL FOOL!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and excitedly, exclaimed "I know I know, Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Darned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner.

The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?"

The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work."

The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ah, C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud...They're hookers!"

A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mommy, do the hooker ladies have any children?"

The mother replies, "Of course, Dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual
that happened during the past week.

Little Irving got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - " he
began.

"Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. "Is he all right now?"

"I think so." said little Irving. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Ya put your right foot in, Ya take your right foot out. Ya do the hokey pokey...

Trying to wake up here.

I'm very tired. I dreamed that I was dancing all night.

I lost 5 pounds.

I'll have to eat a bunch of Midge's blueberry pancakes to put the weight back on.

The girl I was dancing with invited me back to her place.

She said she had something to remedy all my pent up energy.

When we got there she said "You vacuum the living room, I,ll dust."

I'm very tired.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe
Posted by: Haroula

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 02:27 AM

Good morning boomers,have all a nice day. smile wave
Posted by: Kaki's Sister

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 04:43 AM

Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Cailyn I put the coffee on. Joe and Haroula enjoy your day! Wishing everyone a good one! dance
Posted by: connie

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 07:03 AM

Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thursday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and Muffins in the NC. summer
Posted by: GBC

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 07:08 AM

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, you crack me up!

Haroula, have a great day!

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Sue, I'll save you a cup.

Connie, thanks for the Danish.

Coffee, Danish, this is turning out to be a great morning! rah
Posted by: Midge

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 07:51 AM

Good morning. Joe I'll share my BB pancakes with you any time. After all you always have a stack of them anytime for me smile. Morning Haroula, Gerry, Connie, Gail, and all who come in today. Work later on for me. But for now, I'm just relaxing, having a cuppa tea, and eating a power bar. Have a great day.

Midgie hearts
Posted by: manxman

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 08:45 AM

Good morning boomers smile Hope everyone has an enjoyable Thursday. wave
Posted by: Darlene

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 09:59 AM

wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a great Thump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 10:59 AM

lol Joe! Good ones!! Enjoy your work free day!!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for starting the coffee! Have a nice walk and a lovely day!

Connie have a lovely day and thanks fior the danish!

Gail glad it is a good morning!! Have a nice walk with the dogs and a lovely day!

Midge enjoy the BB pancakes! May work be fun later on!! Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly today! Have a lovely day!

No plans here yet! Have a lovely day everybody!!

wave
Nan
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 11:24 AM

Good morning boomies...Off to the docs to get more scans. Please send positive thoughts my way. hearts
Posted by: Gimli

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 11:50 AM

Hello my friends, quick quick, the router light is flickering again.... I'am in Italy, in my house, without Internet till 3 minutes ago and I don't know how long it holds, so a quick "hello and how are you" for the time being.

Ana: scans? What's the matter? Please text me when you have time. Sending prayers your way!! And big hugs.

Hope to see you all soonest, when the router light is on green.

Love!

Evelyne
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 01:05 PM

Evelyne, so gald you got on for a few minutes anyway.

Ana, luck

My last lazy day here for awhile. Enjoying it immensely puppy
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 03:44 PM

Ana sending HUGS and Prayers your way that all is well with the scans!! HUGS!!!!!

Evelyne glad you have made it safely to Italy!! Enjoy your stay and hope the 'net' works for you!!

L4l enjoy the relaxing day!!

wave
Nan
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 03:57 PM

Thanks for the jokes Joe. thumbsup
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 04:18 PM

hearts Thanks for the support! I was a crazy pacing lady this morning. lol I ended up with an ultrasound after more scans and thankfully I am all cleared. I thought I was cleared last week until last night when they found something. I am still trying to destress, I am such a baby. lol

I'm going dancing with Sam tonight and then I have to do some serious corner sitting.

I hope you all are enjoying the day. Life is good.
Posted by: gymcandy1

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 04:32 PM

Hello everybody. wave

I was dreaming this morning that I was in some mountain town near a river, and finding arrowheads in the river.

When I got up I checked my phone, and had a message from my friend Shane wanting to know if I wanted to go to Soper today and hunt arrowheads. I jumped right on that offer of course, but I found nothing out there. It's been super dry here, so there's not much being washed up. sad

My friend found one, but it was broken. duh

Maybe next time. yes

It was still so hot that I was soaking wet, and had the sweat keep falling down off of my head on my glasses lenses. UGH!!!

Ana my Dr's assistant was calling me for four days about the results of my other test, and when I finally made contact she said "The Dr wanted you to know your Xrays were clear." lol

She could have just said so in a message, but I guess they have to be 100% positive that I get the results. duh

I'm so glad that you are cleared too. hearts

I hope everyone is having a great day. I have a 5:00 day tomorrow so I'm getting everything ready for an early evening. tired

joe
Posted by: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 05:23 PM

Joe, I am thrilled got your results too and they are good. woot I was cleared last week when the doc looked at mine while I was there but then saw something after going over the images. I swear the stress is kill me if nothing else will. rotfl

I thought I would find some heads down at the river today since we had a torrential downpour of two inches last evening but I had no luck either. I am glad you got out though. It's good to get fresh air and double good if sharing with a friend.

Nan, will you be babysitting now? Congrats to your GD!
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 08:19 PM

Joe glad you made it hunting but sorry you didn't find anything. Glad your tests were OK!!

Ana glad that your scans and ultrasounds were good also!! Have fun dancing tonight but watch the sky. I see some nasty storms headed your direction. Not the ones that went thru here this afternoon as they went on up to Canada!! lol

I might get a chance to do some babysitting, but there are so many that want to get in line to do it I don't know. lol I think she is liked. duh We only have to cover her every other week as one week she is with her mom and the other week she is with her dad. I am all set though. grin

Space have a nice relaxing evening and only one more till the weekend!!

wave
Nan
Posted by: Space Quest Fan

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 08:30 PM

Good night Boomers. wave
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 08:35 PM

WooooHoooo Joe and Ana....glad the news was good!
Posted by: Lotus777

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 09:27 PM

Fast and very tired hello. So glad to hear your tests yielded positive results, Ana and Joe. Enjoy tonight Ana! Glad youa re safe in Italy, Miss Evelyne. Hi Nan and Gail and Haroula and Connie and Gerry and Midgie and manxman and Darlene and L4L and space quest. I'm pretty much done in. Good Night Boomies sleep and Happy Gaming. wave
Posted by: Midge

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 10:28 PM

It's been a day, but I'm not complaining. I hope you all had a good day. See you all in the morning. Early shift tomorrow morning. Sleep well. God Bless.

Midgie hearts sleep"
Posted by: looney4labs

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 11:05 PM

Night guys, boys tomorrow so my quiet is at an end lol Sweet dreams sleep
Posted by: auntiegram

Re: Thump Day - 09/19/13 11:56 PM

Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan