Posted By: gymcandy1
Hump Day's - 03/05/14 06:56 AM
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
Mark Twain
~~~~~~~~~~
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did.
Somebody got angry about this, because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!
~~~~~~
3 men were walking home to there house one summer. They all lived right next to each other. All 3 of them had a large swimming pool. They were just getting ready to dive into the pool, when a genie popped out in front of them.
"It's your lucky day!" said the genie. "Just jump and say whatever drink you want, and the pool water will turn into it."
The first man jumped and said "Budweiser!" and he jumped into a pool of Budweiser.
The second man jumped and said "Coke!" and he jumped into a pool of Coke.
The third man jumped and said...
"Weeeeeeeee!!"
Umm, I'm guessing he jumped into a pool of wee?
~~~~~~~~~~
Who Reads the Newspapers?
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the
country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
country.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country
but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however,
like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running
the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to
leave LA to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the
country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure
who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can
get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's
running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous,
preferably while intoxicated.
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure
there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is,
they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions
if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who
also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as
they are Democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another
country but need the baseball scores.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the
grocery store.
~~~~~~
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling self- deprecating tales.
In one situation, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris. When a taxi pulled up, he placed his suitcase in the car and took a seat next to it.
"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?" asked the taxi driver.
Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he knew him by sight.
"No, sir, I have never seen you before."
The puzzled Doyle asked him how he knew he was Conan Doyle.
"This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi-stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you're a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. And so, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."
Doyle remarked, "This is truly amazing. You are a real-life counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes."
"There is one other thing," the driver said.
"What is that?"
"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."
~~~~~~~~~~
A young boy and his doting grandmother were walking along the sea shore when a huge wave appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to sea.
The horrified woman fell to her knees, raised her eyes to the heavens and begged the Lord to return her beloved grandson.
Lo, another wave reared up and deposited the stunned child on the sand before her.
The grandmother looked the boy over carefully. He was fine.
But still she stared up angrily toward the heavens. "When we came," she snapped indignantly, "he had a hat!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Just started my two days off, YAHOO! But I've had a long day and I'm very tired.
Oh yeah, there was that sleeping pill thing too.
Also I'm all talked out......
I hope you all have a happious maximus day.
joe
Sleep.....sleep......need sleep.....sleep....sl
Mark Twain
~~~~~~~~~~
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did.
Somebody got angry about this, because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!
~~~~~~
3 men were walking home to there house one summer. They all lived right next to each other. All 3 of them had a large swimming pool. They were just getting ready to dive into the pool, when a genie popped out in front of them.
"It's your lucky day!" said the genie. "Just jump and say whatever drink you want, and the pool water will turn into it."
The first man jumped and said "Budweiser!" and he jumped into a pool of Budweiser.
The second man jumped and said "Coke!" and he jumped into a pool of Coke.
The third man jumped and said...
"Weeeeeeeee!!"
Umm, I'm guessing he jumped into a pool of wee?
~~~~~~~~~~
Who Reads the Newspapers?
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the
country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
country.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country
but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however,
like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running
the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to
leave LA to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the
country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure
who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can
get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's
running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous,
preferably while intoxicated.
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure
there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is,
they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions
if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who
also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as
they are Democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another
country but need the baseball scores.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the
grocery store.
~~~~~~
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling self- deprecating tales.
In one situation, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris. When a taxi pulled up, he placed his suitcase in the car and took a seat next to it.
"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?" asked the taxi driver.
Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he knew him by sight.
"No, sir, I have never seen you before."
The puzzled Doyle asked him how he knew he was Conan Doyle.
"This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi-stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you're a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. And so, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."
Doyle remarked, "This is truly amazing. You are a real-life counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes."
"There is one other thing," the driver said.
"What is that?"
"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."
~~~~~~~~~~
A young boy and his doting grandmother were walking along the sea shore when a huge wave appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to sea.
The horrified woman fell to her knees, raised her eyes to the heavens and begged the Lord to return her beloved grandson.
Lo, another wave reared up and deposited the stunned child on the sand before her.
The grandmother looked the boy over carefully. He was fine.
But still she stared up angrily toward the heavens. "When we came," she snapped indignantly, "he had a hat!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Just started my two days off, YAHOO! But I've had a long day and I'm very tired.
Oh yeah, there was that sleeping pill thing too.
Also I'm all talked out......
I hope you all have a happious maximus day.
joe
Sleep.....sleep......need sleep.....sleep....sl
But couldn't get back to sleep,so I put the coffee on I'll keep it hot!Happy day all 
Today, I'm off for yet another work whoosh in the freezing cold. 
