TGI-FRI

Words are a heavy thing...they weigh you down. If birds talked, they couldn't fly.
Sy Rosen and Christian Williams, Northern Exposure, On Your Own, 1992


Don't tell Pepper that. She'll laugh at you as she flies off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Doctor Says


"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it curse itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here..."
Since he hasn't the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.

"We'll see."
First I have to check my malpractice insurance.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I need the money, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

"I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor."
I hate those guys mooching in on our fees.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."
Since he hasn't the faintest idea of what to do, he is trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt.
(Proctologist also say this a lot.)

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is he's going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you're going to pay for it.

"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a 40% interest in the lab.

"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune.

"How are we today?"
I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.

"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit through their tongues.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?"
I can't remember your name, nor why you are here.

"This should fix you up."
The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.

"Everything seems to be normal."
I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.

"Why don't you slip out of your things."
I don't enjoy this any more than you do, but I've got to warm my fingers up somehow.

"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.

"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Gift
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note : romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstorm and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the note :

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love"

"PS The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Tooth Fairy

Dear _________________,

Thank you for leaving [ ] tooth/teeth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

( ) the tooth could not be found

( ) it was not a human tooth

( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny

( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor

( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash

( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you

( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails

( ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action

( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy

( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received

( ) the tooth is still in your mouth

( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit

( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit

( ) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing

( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:

[ ] string

[ ] pliers

[ ] gunpowder

[ ] hammer marks

[ ] chisel

[ ] part of skull attached to tooth

[ ] no dental care

( ) other reason

Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.

Sincerely,



The Tooth Fairy
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things Men Say
Find out what men really mean when they say...

"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner had great [blip]."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC"
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK"
Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.


It's Friday, and your weekend is just a day away.


I get to sleep in, and leisurely pass the first half of the day sitting on my cheeks, and then get up off my cheeks and go to work.


I luv my job.


I go to bed every night with eager anticipation of my next work day.


I also happen to eagerly anticipate going to bed.


Have a super day everyone.


joe

Have a great day.

Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Joe happy dreams. Haroula have a nice day. Coffee is ready Sue. Wishing everyone a wonderful Friday the 13th!

Good morning everyone. Please send prayers for my best friend Sandy. She is in the hospital to see if they can find out why her breathing is getting worse. She is on oxygen constantly and still has trouble breathing.. The lung Dr. says it's heart and the heart Dr. says it's her lungs. She had a valve in her heart replaced and has a pacemaker. She is also in AFIB. I'm very worried about her. To all here and all who follow, have a Great TGIF. Danish and Waffles in the NC.

Good Morning Boomers:

Joe, have a great day!

Haroula, enjoy whatever the day brings your way.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Connie, Prayers out to your friend Sandy. Hope the Docs find out the problem so they get to fixing it. Hugs!

Rainy day today = gaming day today. Any excuse to game will do.

Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your TGI-FRI is Fab!

Connie, prayers of healing and strength going up for your friend Sandy.

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's Friday!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!

Hi all. I'm at work with a little down time. Checking in. It's raining here also Gail. Good day to stay in. I'll be here at work until 2:00 this afternoon. Good thing I brought my kindle with me. Thanks Joe for opening for us Hope you have a good day.

Midgie

Sending prayers for your friend Connie. Hope the doctors find out what's wrong.

NO Penelope Peacock this morning. She KNOWS I'm trying to catch her. I heard her in the 'Roofer's' yard all morning honking and honking. Maybe THEY caught her? They like her as do all the neighbors but she's camping in MY yard and I'm so tired of all the poop. Pretty gal though. I'm almost resigned to having her around. Trying to let her get used to the open cage with bird seed inside before I actually 'set' the trap. I'll keep track today and see if she reappears on my roof. What a mess. Maybe someone will get a male peacock and they will live somewhere else happily forever?

Going out peacock hunting...

Connie, best wishes to your friend!!! Hope the doctors are able to help her!

Okay, it's take two of my "back again" phase. I'm going to try to stick around again, although it remains hard to post in the morning when I'm rushing around. Maybe I'll just have to become an afternoon poster.

Well, I'm off to see what else I've missed since I've been gone. Hope everyone is having a fantastic Friday so far.

Fantastic Friday ya'll

Been a busy day. Off to the vet this morning. Mr. Keoki has been declared ear infection free, so no ear meds for him

Then off to do errands and home to walk dogs. Pant pant, hot hot, but we got it done. Now time to sit and sip for a sec. Think I'll take the dogs and retire to the bedroom so son and the boys can have the den to themselves.

Connie, I hope the docs can get their act together soon.

I hate peacocks! She still hasn't appeared today after all our efforts to hunt, get a cage, buy birdfood to entice her. SHE is a no show today. AND a few minutes ago, the animal control guy who dropped off the cage, drove in and was hopeful when he saw the roof was empty (her favorite spot), but then I had to tell him she's roaming 2 doors over. Sigh. Keeping the cage for a week to see if she returns. I'm going to use a passive approach now. Guess Penelope has a play date with someone else for today.

AND of course it's Friday the 13th and a FULL moon! I shouldn't be surprised at anything.

Welcome to the weekend Boomers.

Friday 13 and full moon = double whammy. Drive carefully and all that.

I'm so glad you can't trap Penelope. Let's hope she finds a beautiful park and everybody likes her and all is rosy. I understand about the drops though. We have lotsa buzzards here and at times it's dangerous venturing out just to get the mail. They are ugly birds but so graceful in flight. One year a pair raised a family of 3 in my old German barn in the pasture and cutecutecute and then one morning they were gone.

I must get up real early tomorrow to take my trash into the pick up place in Lexington. The 2nd Saturday of every other month is trash day. Since I'm vegge there's not much trash and it's pretty clean and saves about 300$ a year. I recycle and compost everything i can.

Well I hope that everybody is having a lovely day! I was up early and hit the ground running. Went rummaging with a couple ladies from here and we took Sassy along for a nice ride. She loved it.

Now time to chill and relax.

Connie will most diffinetly keep your friend in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS!!!!

Ana hope the corner is kind and the puzzles are easy!!

L4l glad the ear infection is all better now!!


Nan

Howdy boomies! Apparently I never submitted my post this morning. I'm kind of tied up in the corner, but I did go for a nice walk with the dogs. Wishing you all a wonderful Friday!

Penelope the Peacock reappeared like magic. She has her favorite place on my back roof. I decided to make friends and put some of the bird seed on a plate and put it on the roof. The second I put the plate there, while I was still on the step stool looking over the roof and repositioning the plate, SHE approached, right up to my hand on the plate, 'said thanks' and dug in. Geez. How can I hate a bird who likes me? Waaaaaaa!

Connie I'm sending my prayers along with everyone else's for your friend.
I'm working on my books. I think I'm done though.
Still raining here. What a wet day it's been.

Midgie

Most excellent Joe...I'll bet Pepper was

Hola Cola everyone...I survived the work week and am looking forward to the weekend with great anticipation!

Wishing all of our GB friends and family a fantastic weekend

Just think Sorta, how many people can boast of having a peacock as a pet. What an honor. How I would love to have that bird here. I wish you well

Yankee, if I could catch that bird, I'd ship her FedEx right to you. It would be a better life than roaming from yard to yard, avoiding roaming dogs, kids and cars on the road. Poor Penelope. At least she's safe on my roof for now and maybe in a few days, she will listen to me and climb into the cage for a trip to some nice farm.

In other bird news: Walked out on deck to feed Outdoorsies, and was greeted by a half de-feathered pigeon (I think) lying right there in front of me. Freshly killed, no head, feathers plucked here and there. I thought maybe one of the cats caught it and dragged it to the deck, but after I 'bagged' it for disposal, a huge hawk (which must have been right above me in the tree) flew off. I'm sure he muttered something like 'hey, that was my dinner!'. It must have fallen from his grasp. Now I feel bad I've cheated the hawk from his dinner, and he will probably have to kill another pigeon. Oh well. Next time, I'll look UP before I bag the dead things.

Good night Boomers.

Good night Space and all!

Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!


Nan