Tuesday's

The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.
David Brinkley (1920 - 2003)
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Toy Store Fired

Some of the many reasons I was fired from working at the local toy store...

A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean.

Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all."

You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks.

Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stockboy" display.

You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer.

Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the new "Jerry Springer" edition.

The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling.

Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct.

Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.

Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the Giraffe.

Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you jackknifed a Big Wheel.

Your sales display, "Barbie's Struggle for Survival in Post-Nuclear Holocaust Malibu" was not exactly an overwhelming success.

Too many reports from people who swear they saw Geoffrey the Giraffe in a leather bar.

Regardless of the question, you answer, "Bite me, kid -- I'm on break."
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Trailer Trash

You know you're really trailer trash when...

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Someone in your family died right after saying "Hey, y'all watch this!"

Your Junior / Senior prom had a daycare.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

Ya' can't git married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a dang law against it.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
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Translating Personals

GUIDE TO TRANSLATING "PERSONAL" ADVERTISEMENTS

Independent Thinker . . . . . . . Crazy.

High-Spirited . . . . . . . . . Crazy, hyperactive, and throws things.

Free-Spirited . . . . . . . . . Crazy and irresponsible.

Ample . . . . . . . . . . . . . Large.

Huggable . . . . . . . . . . . . Large.

Zaftig . . . . . . . . . . . . . REALLY Large.

Fat and Sassy . . . . . . . . . Large and loudmouthed.

Slender . . . . . . . . . . . . Skinny.

Svelte . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anorexic.

Petite (I am). . . . . . . . . . Short.

Petite (you are) . . . . . . . . Size 2.

Dynamic . . . . . . . . . . . . Pushy.

Assertive . . . . . . . . . . . Pushy with a mean streak.

Excited About Life's Journey . . No concept of reality.

Moody . . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive.

Unpredictable . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and off medication.

Soulful . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and quiet.

Poetic . . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and boring.

Looking for Mr/Ms Right. . . . . Looking for Mr/Ms Rich.

Very Human . . . . . . . . . . . Quasimodo.

Uninhibited . . . . . . . . . . Lacking basic social skills.

Irreverent . . . . . . . . . . . Mean and lacking basic social skills.

Aging Child . . . . . . . . . . Self-centered adult.

Freedom-loving . . . . . . . . . Undependable.

Young at Heart . . . . . . . . . Over 40.

Youthful . . . . . . . . . . . . Over 50 and in major denial.

Chatty . . . . . . . . . . . . . Never shuts up.

Humorous . . . . . . . . . . . . Watches too much TV and never shuts up.

Financially secure (I am). . . . Has a job.

Financially secure (you are) . . Rich.
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True Meaning

Statement: "Im a Romantic."
True Meaning: "Im poor."

Statement: "Youre the only girl Ive ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasnt rejected me."

Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."

Statement: "Shes kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldnt kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
head might be necessary."

Statement: "I dont know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She wont sleep with me."

Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "Im insecure about my manhood."

Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who are you?"

Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and you might find out."

Statement: "Do you really love me?"
True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find
out sooner or later."

Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "Ive done something really stupid and someones on
their way to tell you by now."

Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."

Statement: "Ive been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "Youre not as attractive as when I was drunk."

Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "Youre ugly."

Statement: "Ive learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"

Statement: "Im on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."
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Good morning everyboomie.

I gotta make this short and sweet.

1. Someone needs this couch to sleep on, 2. I've been up since 3:30am, and 3. my dog is staring at me like, "CAN WE GO TO BED NOW HUH HUH CAN WE CAN WE??

I'm definitely ready for bed.........as if I'm ever NOT ready.

Have a happy day everybody.


joe

Have a happy day Joe and all who follow later.

Good morning Joe,Haroula Coffee is on wishing you all a great day!

Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Sue. Joe hope you get a good night sleep. Haroula have a sunny day. Sue hope all is well with you. Thanks for the coffee. Happy Day wished for All!

Good Morning Boomers:

Joe, sweet dreams and a good day wished when you arise.

Sue, coffee is appreciated.

Haroula, happy day!

Gerry, have a great day.

May everyone enjoy whatever the day brings today!

Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Tuesday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and Pancakes in the NC.

Well, I'm off for another work whoosh. Have a great Tuesday, everyone.

Good morning boomers. Hope everyone has an enjoyable and rewarding day

Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Sounds like you have a busy house! Hope all goes smoothly!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!

Good morning Joe, Darlene, manxman, Venus, Haroula, Gail, Connie, Sue and Gerry!
Lovely summer day here, hot and sticky.

I'll be taking the dogs for a swim/run after they get their nails trimmed at the vet. When I get home I will do a grocery run that is much needed.

Nan, arm is bad, but no longer shooting pain constantly. I have am appt tomorrow. Since it was not as bad yesterday I did not want to use up an emergency squeeze in appt in case I really do need him at a later date. I like to save my emergency requests so he will do it when really needed. Whatcha up to today?

Terrific Tuesday ya'll

Hot Hot Hot and Humid Humid Humid....doggies and I got our walk in but not going to lie, we didn't push and zigzagged our way shade to shade.

Then home to cool off and feed us all. I was salt hungry but got way too salt happy with my spinach...had to toss it, and that is super rare for me. Fed the doggies once they cooled off and Missy Girl yummed her food up (change from yesterday) so am very happy about that.

I will be leaving in just a bit for a routine doctor's appointment which, sadly, will take the rest of the afternoon. Will ask him about my head/sinuses...but really think something is in bloom as June has not agreed with my nose.

Joe, I'm always ready for bed too. I have to laugh at the dogs because as soon as I turn off my computer or push back from it at night, they all head up. Never have to call them.

Ana, did you fall in the mud run? I hope your arm improves soonest.

Boys will be here tomorrow for the rest of the week.

I gave up trying to catch Penelope Peacock. She's just too smart to go in that cage and if I am willing to spend a bit more time feeding the Outdoorsies in the morning, I can 'safeguard' them from her. She wants to eat too so I have to shoo her away while the scaredy cats eat. I'll work it out. She still is on HER schedule. Here at 8 am for breakfast, stays all day on my roof after eating my plants and some cat food. Then at 8 pm she wanders down the driveway and goes who knows where. Repeats the next day like clockwork. I will have to learn to live with this pretty bird and hope maybe she finds a mate someday. Called animal control to come get their cage/trap. Can't get her in it and afraid I'll hurt her if I force it. Call me the Peacock Lady. Ugh.

Went to Home Depot this morning early to get some sink stuff for the tenant and some electrical cord clips (the type you nail them to the wall with). Took me 45 minutes and finally got what I needed after asking 2 guys for help and neither one seemed to understand me. Duh. No customer service there. Only friendly people are the ladies in the nursery department. They are so nice. Totally different inside the store. Sigh.

Off to find lunch. Probably will fry up some WonTon.

L4L, noo, I can't claim any macho sports injury. I pinched a nerve in normal movement sadly. But I will say that when you have to climb over walls and pull yourself up some with ropes, it was quite the challenge with an arm that hurt so bad I was tempted to gnaw it off. I gave myself bonus points for sucking it up and getting through.
Good luck at the docs!

Sorta, I knew it would happen! Who else can say they have a peacock?

Hi Sorta, looks like you got yourself a new pet.......you have a kind and generous heart. You can be the peacock lady and I'll be the crazy cat lady. We should be neighbors. And any G'Boomers who wants to run their doggies around and about my 13.89 acres of wooded pasture are welcome. At 1 time I had 11 cats, all spayed and neutered, and I worked nights too. Maybe Penelope does some streetwalkin'.

Just back from getting a haircut -Ah!! so much better.

Hot and humid inside the house and outside and I like it that way. Kits all stretched out -longly- most longely- in deep summer sleep and one is running and another chattering in personal dreamland.

Lazy day today = game day

I must clarify something.......I was a chemist and medical lab tech and worked nights in a big medical reference lab in Austin, Texas. I did not do street walkin although I would have earned lots more money.

Yankee! And my dogs and I would love to come run around. I just need some cold water for the dogs to dip into if it's summer. They run hot.

Good afternoon Boomers.

Back from the docs. They were on time and fast...color me amazed. Then a stop to pick up Seagy meds and home to clean the kitchen. Now sitting and sipping and think there will be some napping.

Daughter called to tell me she leaves for Korea Monday...not sure how I feel about that. Glad the biopsy was normal (but then, so were all of Seagy's) but sad she will be gone for a year.

Sorta, I think you missed your calling. You need to open a petting zoo.

Yankee, glad you got your haircut and love it. I would love to let my dogs run around your 13 acres and they would love love love it. Your squirrels and chipmunks...not so much.

Ana, how goes the day?

Hi ya Space

SpaceQ,

L4L, so glad to hear the biopsy was okay for your daughter! I will send prayers for her safety in Korea. What are her duties?
The day is humbling for me. I went grocery shopping and sadly it took everything I had to get the grocery in and out of the cart. My arm is toast again.

Ana

Ana, my heart goes up to you my friend. You are someone special. . L4L that must be hard for you. Hugs my dear.

Tough shift at the Blisses tonight.Barbara still doesn't know the rules about when you drive the power chair to the kitchen table. You just lift your hand off the toggle to stop the chair from advancing forward any farther. Oh well. I stopped a mishap from happening. Tough night at the Blisses. Good thing I have tomorrow off.

See you in the AM.

Midgie

Oh how awful Ana. Last year when I had arthritis in my wrists..........the pain, the imparement...overwhelming at times. It will heal, it just takes it's own time. I wish you well. Does it interfere with your work?

Midgie, sorry your work is trying sometimes. Glad you were able to stop her before itv was too late.

Yankee, I can hold it in certain positions and it's okay, other movements are impossible. I rode 16 miles on the bike after dinner and no issues. I come home to switch loads in the wash, it hurts like the dickens.
Hopefully the chiropractor can fix me up tomorrow.
I remember when you were gone with the pain, we missed you! I'm so glad it's better now.

Nan, where you hiding?