TGIF

YAHOO!!


In the end, everything is a gag.
Charlie Chaplin (1889 - 1977)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wife Jokes

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming...

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

- Patrick Murra
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

- Nash
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

- Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

- Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

- Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

- Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'

Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

- Anonymous
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Windows Messages

The following are new Windows messages that are supposedly under consideration for the planned Windows 7...

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."

To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"

BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

User Error: Replace user.

Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"

Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
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Wise Thoughts
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.


Life is sexually transmitted.


Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet
and they won't bother you for weeks.


Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't
help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...


Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut
saves you thirty cents?
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Women And Dogs

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

Dogs don't cry (unless they have to pee).

Dogs love it when your friends come over.

Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.

Dogs think you sing great.

A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.

Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.

The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you

Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

Dogs are excited by rough play.

Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.

Dogs understand that passing gas is funny.

Dogs love red meat.

Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.

Anyone can get a good-looking dog.

If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

Dogs don't shop.

Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.

A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.

Dogs never need to examine the relationship.

A dog's parents never visit.

Dogs love long car trips.

Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.

When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.

Dogs like beer.

Dogs don't hate their bodies.

No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.

No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

Dogs never criticize.

Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

Dogs never expect gifts.

It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.

Dogs don't worry about germs.

Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.

Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.

Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.

You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.

Dogs don't borrow your shirts.

Dogs never want foot-rubs.

Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.

Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

Dogs can't talk. Dogs aren't catty.

Dogs seldom outlive you.



HOW DOGS AND WOMEN ARE ALIKE

Both look stupid in hats.

Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.

Both tend to have "hip" problems.

Neither understand football.

Both look good in a fur coat.

Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.

Neither believe that silence is golden.

Both constantly want back rubs.

Neither can balance a check book.

You can never tell what either of them is thinking.

Both put too much value on kissing.



HOW WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS

It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.

Women look good in sweaters.

Women leave the room to pass gas.

Though they only have two, women's breasts are far more interesting.
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Good morning everyboomie.


I'm like totally off for 24 hours, but totally wiped out from the week.


I need a few days off instead of one. Like 92.....no....94 would be ok.


In the mean time I'm on the verge, and you know what I'm like when I'm on the verge.


I make little sense.


Ok no jokes about how I must 'always' be on the verge.


Have a happy day everyone.


joe







the verge of WHAT?

Good morning Joe and all who come in later.
Have a happy day everyone.

Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Coffee is ready . Joe hope you have a stress free day! Haroula enjoy the sunshine. Wishing All a Happy Day!

Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish and Waffles in the NC.

Good morning and have a terrific day Joe, Haroula, Gerry, Connie and all who come in after me.

Well, it's time for another work whoosh. It's a skimpy week for hours, but luckily the next two weeks look a lot better. Hopefully, it will stay that way.

Okay, time to run. Have a great Friday, everyone.

Good Morning Boomers:

Joe, Joe, enjoy your day off.

Haroula, happy summer days.

Gerry, coffee sounds great!

Connie, have a super day!

Venus, have a nice workday.

Nan, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day. Hi to Sassy.

Going to take a nice morning walk with Nina. Got 2 year old granddaughter this afternoon and evening.

Good morning boomers. Hope everyone has a fantastic Friday

Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Enjoy your 24 hours!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's Friday!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!

Fantastic Friday ya'll

Slept in a little bit, but alas, that makes it too hot to take the doggies walking. The ball game last night was fun, and we even won

Son is home today. Apparently tummy is still not happy. Boys are supposed to go home this afternoon, but with son home, that may not happen.

Not sure what I'll do today...most likely depends on my noise tolerance

Joe enjoy your time off to the fullest!! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee. Hits the spot on this cold and rainy day! Have a lovely day!

Connie hope you are feeling better! HUGS! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

venus Happy Whooooooshing!!! Have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy your walk with Nina! Sassy says HI back at ya. Enjoy your granddaughter and have a lovely day! I had Abbi for a little bit yesterday!!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly and you have a lovely day!

L4l bet it felt good to sleep in though. Prayers that son feels better soonest! Have a lovely day!

Ana I hope the shoulder is feeling better, the corner is being kind and the puzzles are easy! Have a lovely day!


Nan

Eye much better today although my lid is droopy and this makes me look funny. Cleaning day cleancleanclean. Look out cat hair, here I come -like they care.

Got a problem with ShemerBaby and the coffee maker. The Jura is on a small freezer, which I don't use anymore, and Shemer jumps on the freezer then on the Jura and onto the top of fridge. Then he jumps down on the Jera and etc to the floor. But sometimes he jumps on the controls which are on top of poor Jura and messes up the keyboard. Explained to ShBaby how I love my coffee = no change. I must rearrange things so he misses controls but space is limited. Adversities can evolve to positive-ness because this AM I resolved to be Smarter -yeah, you go old lady!!! I'll show that cat!!!

Ana, heal up those discs -I remember my mother screeming in pain due to slipped discs. The discs are around your neck (?). That couldn't cause migranes somehow when inflamed could it.

Enjoy your day all

Yankee, so glad the eye is a bit better. Hope the droopy lid is better soon. Was the lid scratched?

Think of the Jura/ShemerBaby problem as a problem in an adventure game. Son's cat used to live on top of our 'frig, which meant nothing else could be up there.

Yankee, did you ever consider that ShemerBaby is deliberately trying to make some coffee? Perhaps he wants to help you out. Never understood cats and their need to 'rearrange' the house. Now that I am catless inside I find I can leave out breakable things, not have to 'guard' my food or drink, and don't gather fur on my clothes. Drinks were the best ones. Had to buy covers for all glasses. Didn't matter what was in them, the cats would either dip paws in, or stick their noses in and lick. Yuk. Didn't discover the licking until AFTER I'd been drinking my favorite stuff one day and caught the kitty licking when I came back in the room. I wonder how many times he'd done that and how much 'cat drool' I'd ingested over the years. Ugh!

NO Penelope yet this morning. Wow. I'm sure she will show up later. Maybe she got a better offer a few doors up the street? Raccoons accounted for, possums, Outdoorsie cats (except Orange who sometimes skips a meal). He will show up later. AND I spotted the interloper, unneutered gray male (who comes and clean the plates after my cats eat their fill) and saw that he crossed the road, went to the first house on the left where a very old man and woman live. Maybe he has a home there. He doesn't stay in my yard, only comes for breakfast and dinner. Interesting now that I know where his 'home' is.

Neighbor is back from Kentucky, hooray! She just called to ask what kind of Torpedo sandwich I wanted from our favorite Italian place. It's her day to eat out with her friends and she's going to bring me a torpedo. Yummy! She and I are fast friends, do little things for each other. Keep tabs on the neighborhood activity. We keep each other on our toes and call at least once a day to check to see if one of us has 'fallen and can't get up'. We both laugh about that, but it's a good thing when you live alone to have a neighbor who watches to see if your car moves or if you aren't picking up mail, etc. Good to have a friend next door.

New security camera working fine. A bit farther away on the picture, but clear and no glitching from the nasty neighbor's new 'electronic' frenzy installation. If he ever moves, I will redo the old wireless cameras. They are still working fine IF they don't have signals from surrounding homes. First time in many years this has happened on a continuous interfering. Usually it's just a passing car or someone on a Ham radio, etc.

Off to locate Peacocks and cats.

Good morning boomies! I'm off to run the dogs before it rains again. It's been a stormy week and I'm sure I'll be slip sliding in mud.

Yankee, I've had bad disks in my neck for ten years. It causes me a myriad of issues when they decide to act up. One wrong move and I have a month or two of pain. This too shall pass, in the meantime those around me must put up with an occasional case of Tourettes. Especially yesterday when I mowed the lawn. Every time I pulled the cord, there was a slew of words that I was thankful were drowned out by the lawnmower.

be back after I run the dogs.

L4L, RE: Shemerbaby and adventure games -I play shooters.

The cornea couldn't have been scratched because it healed so fast, perhaps inside of lid is, it's a fat lid. Anyway the releif is most appreciated. Years ago I read this about scratched corneas. At night when sleeping a scab forms over the scratch but upon awaking and when you 1st blink your lid removes the fragile scab and so we start all over. And that certainly hasn't happened with me today.

Hey Sorta, no indoorsies, what do you do with all that silence and home cleanleness? Whenever I find a cathair in my food i just pick it out and drop it in the floor. My cats have to drink their water from the dripping bathtub faucet now. And pet opossum doing fine. If a girl her name is smooch, if a boy it's mooch. I hope Penelope returns.
Touretts = creative cussing. Try playing DemonSouls video game and use those words for a cause.

Good night, Haroula, sweet dreams

Welcome to the weekend Boomers.

T.G.I.F.!!! Having a great day and I hope, everyone else is having just as great a day!!!

to GameBoomers and Joe's Diner MmeMoxie!
I am having a wonderful day thank you! How are you?

She's Baaaaack! Just as I gave up that Penelope the Peacock was gone forever, my tenant/friend comes up to show me his new faucet (for the sink he's installing) and I said, she's gone. He said who? I said the peacock. And he said, no she's not, she's right there on the roof where she always is. Arrraaaaghhh! Sure she was. Right there. I looked all over everyone's yard and roof, looked at my entire yard just 10 minutes before and she picks that moment to reappear making me look like a dumb dumb. Oh well. Tossed her a few grapes and we are back to normal.

Hello there MmeMoxie. Welcome to GameBoomers.

Hello everybody.

It's been a long day for me. I'm looking forward to going to bed and forgetting it.

I'm about to do just that after I get tomorrow's started.

I hope you all have a nice evening everyone.


joe

Good night Boomers.