Posted By: gymcandy1
Monday Mourning - 09/15/14 04:38 AM
Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.
Rick Polito, Marin Independent Journal's TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up." Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".
Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".
As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give away free sex". The buddy replied, "No, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
38 KINDER, GENTLER WAYS TO SAY SOMEONE IS STUPID
A few clowns short of a circus
A few fries short of a Happy Meal
An experiment in artificial stupidity
A few beers short of a six-pack
Dumber than a box of hair
A few peas short of a casserole
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box
The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead
One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl
One taco short of a combo plate
A few feathers short of a whole duck
All foam, no beer
The cheese slid off the cracker
Body by Fisher - Brains by Mattel
Has an IQ of 2 and it takes 3 to grunt
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
As smart as bait
Chimney's clogged
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash
Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor
Forgot to pay his brain bill
Her sewing machine's out of thread
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels
His belt doesn't go through all the loops
If he had another brain it would be lonely
Missing a few buttons on his remote control
No grain in the silo
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse
Receiver is off the hook
Several nuts short of a full pouch
Skylight leaks a little
Slinky's kinked
Surfing in Nebraska
Too much yardage between the goal posts
~~~~~~~~~~~
SIGNS YOUR CO-WORKER IS A COMPUTER HACKER
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"
4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons
2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPEN ON STAR TREK
The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered before.
The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists who are all perfectly all right.
The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.
The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a 'fuse'.
The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.
The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.
The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify with candy.
The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in no way connected with the 20th century.
Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, and some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny day
An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."
A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.
Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."
Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so"!
Picard walks up to a replicator and says, "Coke on ice."
Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.
Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! He's MINE!"
When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is entering visual range no one says "On screen."
Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails.
Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't done in "Deja Vu" then we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).
Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.
Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net).
The warp engines start acting up a bit, but then seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better than ever.
Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.
Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.
Data falls in love with the replicator.
Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode. [or even: Kirk (or Riker) meets an attractive woman and does not fall in love. -psl]
The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the tale.
Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1 consecutive episode.
Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt. (Or even, Kirk DOESN'T get into a fistfight...)
Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she doesn't sacrifice herself for him.
Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics
Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack by alien race/etc!! due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan physiology" and thus he cannot save the day.
The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eyebrow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Another long day is in the can.
Of coarse that means my weekend is over and I'm back at work.
Oh wait I worked today, never mind.
I had no weekend.
I guess I'll have one in a couple of more days.
I'm going to bed now and dream about how much work I have to do then.
Have a happy day everybody.
joe
Rick Polito, Marin Independent Journal's TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up." Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".
Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".
As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give away free sex". The buddy replied, "No, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
38 KINDER, GENTLER WAYS TO SAY SOMEONE IS STUPID
A few clowns short of a circus
A few fries short of a Happy Meal
An experiment in artificial stupidity
A few beers short of a six-pack
Dumber than a box of hair
A few peas short of a casserole
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box
The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead
One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl
One taco short of a combo plate
A few feathers short of a whole duck
All foam, no beer
The cheese slid off the cracker
Body by Fisher - Brains by Mattel
Has an IQ of 2 and it takes 3 to grunt
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
As smart as bait
Chimney's clogged
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash
Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor
Forgot to pay his brain bill
Her sewing machine's out of thread
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels
His belt doesn't go through all the loops
If he had another brain it would be lonely
Missing a few buttons on his remote control
No grain in the silo
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse
Receiver is off the hook
Several nuts short of a full pouch
Skylight leaks a little
Slinky's kinked
Surfing in Nebraska
Too much yardage between the goal posts
~~~~~~~~~~~
SIGNS YOUR CO-WORKER IS A COMPUTER HACKER
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"
4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons
2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPEN ON STAR TREK
The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered before.
The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists who are all perfectly all right.
The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.
The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a 'fuse'.
The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.
The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.
The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify with candy.
The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in no way connected with the 20th century.
Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, and some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny day
An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."
A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.
Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."
Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so"!
Picard walks up to a replicator and says, "Coke on ice."
Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.
Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! He's MINE!"
When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is entering visual range no one says "On screen."
Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails.
Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't done in "Deja Vu" then we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).
Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.
Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net).
The warp engines start acting up a bit, but then seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better than ever.
Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.
Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.
Data falls in love with the replicator.
Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode. [or even: Kirk (or Riker) meets an attractive woman and does not fall in love. -psl]
The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the tale.
Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1 consecutive episode.
Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt. (Or even, Kirk DOESN'T get into a fistfight...)
Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she doesn't sacrifice herself for him.
Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics
Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack by alien race/etc!! due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan physiology" and thus he cannot save the day.
The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eyebrow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Another long day is in the can.
Of coarse that means my weekend is over and I'm back at work.
Oh wait I worked today, never mind.
I had no weekend.
I guess I'll have one in a couple of more days.
I'm going to bed now and dream about how much work I have to do then.
Have a happy day everybody.
joe
Have a great Monday, everyone. 
Oh, well, I'll have my breakfast and either go back to sleep or find something to do, depending on how I feel. Have a great day, everyone. 
