Posted By: gymcandy1
Tuesday's - 09/30/14 12:15 AM
A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.
Chinese Proverb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jails and Nursing Homes
Here's the way it should be:
Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.
This would correct two things in one motion:
Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.
They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.
All meals and snacks would be brought to them
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education...and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally
recognized entertainment artists.
Simple clothing - ie., shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal aid would be free, upon request.
There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost.
They would receive daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.
The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.
As for the criminals:
They would receive cold food.
They would be left alone and unsupervised. They would receive showers once a week.
They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000+ per month.
They would have no hope of ever getting out. "Sounds like justice to me!"
(If You agree, pass this on!)
~~~~~~~~~~~
What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”
Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn’t it?”
And thus began Frank's life of celibacy...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
Fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling my roadside service provider is not an option... I WILL win.
______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed
and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do.
So, for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find things like exotic cheeses or tofu. For all
I know, they are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.... Though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports, or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
And, if you're feeling amorous afterwards, then I will certainly
remember the name and recommend it to others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine.
I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too... either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it.
Everything looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2011, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden
with a beer in my hand, wondering what to do.
(This has been a public service message for women
to better understand men, they may never, but they should try)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I had a day and a half Monday. I got to work and had over 18 pallets of freight to put up by myself.
I got home and had to call the people who have the dumpster that we rented to come and pick it up, then I suddenly remembered that I haven't gone through all the cabinets. I was pulling out drawers and carrying them out to the dumpster and throwing everything in the trash. Going through cabinets, and the refrigerator and pulling out everything that I didn't want to keep. WHEW!!!
I couldn't do any painting, because now it's time to get to bed so I can get up at 3:30.
Tuesday is another day.
Gee this pace is looking so nice, and clean, and new I really don't want to leave now.
This place has been really lived in for thirty years. It's been a lot to get cleaned up.
Having the whole place to myself has me soooo spoiled.
Ah well, when I win the lottery I'll have a place big enough for a whole herd of Longhorn steers.
I won't have any steers. Just a place big enough for a herd of them.
I'm afraid Baby would get kicked in the face chasing them.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Chinese Proverb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jails and Nursing Homes
Here's the way it should be:
Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.
This would correct two things in one motion:
Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.
They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.
All meals and snacks would be brought to them
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education...and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally
recognized entertainment artists.
Simple clothing - ie., shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal aid would be free, upon request.
There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost.
They would receive daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.
The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.
As for the criminals:
They would receive cold food.
They would be left alone and unsupervised. They would receive showers once a week.
They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000+ per month.
They would have no hope of ever getting out. "Sounds like justice to me!"
(If You agree, pass this on!)
~~~~~~~~~~~
What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”
Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn’t it?”
And thus began Frank's life of celibacy...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
Fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling my roadside service provider is not an option... I WILL win.
______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed
and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do.
So, for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find things like exotic cheeses or tofu. For all
I know, they are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.... Though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports, or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
And, if you're feeling amorous afterwards, then I will certainly
remember the name and recommend it to others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine.
I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too... either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it.
Everything looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2011, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden
with a beer in my hand, wondering what to do.
(This has been a public service message for women
to better understand men, they may never, but they should try)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I had a day and a half Monday. I got to work and had over 18 pallets of freight to put up by myself.
I got home and had to call the people who have the dumpster that we rented to come and pick it up, then I suddenly remembered that I haven't gone through all the cabinets. I was pulling out drawers and carrying them out to the dumpster and throwing everything in the trash. Going through cabinets, and the refrigerator and pulling out everything that I didn't want to keep. WHEW!!!
I couldn't do any painting, because now it's time to get to bed so I can get up at 3:30.
Tuesday is another day.
Gee this pace is looking so nice, and clean, and new I really don't want to leave now.
This place has been really lived in for thirty years. It's been a lot to get cleaned up.
Having the whole place to myself has me soooo spoiled.
Ah well, when I win the lottery I'll have a place big enough for a whole herd of Longhorn steers.
I won't have any steers. Just a place big enough for a herd of them.
I'm afraid Baby would get kicked in the face chasing them.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
