Posted By: gymcandy1
Frumpy Friday - 10/10/14 05:50 AM
We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing.
R. D. Laing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two married men are in a pub discussing their love life when one says, "Have you ever tried playing doctor?"
His mate says, "No what's it like?"
The man replies, "It's amazing me and my wife were playing for the whole of last night must of been about 10 hours."
His mate, shocked says, "10 hours!? How the hell did you manage that long?"
"I just left her in waiting room for 9 and a half hours."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "what's the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Jewish boy asks his father if he can borrow fifty dollars.
His father replies: "Forty dollars, why do you need thirty dollars?!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Management Course
Lesson #1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, ???I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.??? After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ???Who was that????
???It was Bob the next door neighbor,??? she replies.
???Great,??? the husband says, ???did he say anything about the $800 he owes me????
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson #2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, ???Father, remember Psalm 129????
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, ???Father, remember Psalm 129????
The priest apologized, ???Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.???
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ???Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.???
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson #3:
A sales representative, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ???I'll give each of you just one wish.???
???Me first! Me first!??? says the administration clerk. ???I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. ???Puff!??? She's gone.
???Me next! Me next!??? says the sales representative. ???I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. ???Puff!??? He's gone.
???OK, you're up,??? the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ???I want those two back in the office after lunch.???
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson #4:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. ???I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree??? sighed the turkey, ???but I haven't got the energy.???
???Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings???? replied the bull. ???They're packed with nutrients.???
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
BS might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
It's nice to be off for 24 hours, but it's also midnight of a very long day.....again.
I'll leave to door open, and the light on for ya.
Come on in and make yourself at home.
Just call me Tom Bodett while you're at it.
Have a happy day everybody.
joe
R. D. Laing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two married men are in a pub discussing their love life when one says, "Have you ever tried playing doctor?"
His mate says, "No what's it like?"
The man replies, "It's amazing me and my wife were playing for the whole of last night must of been about 10 hours."
His mate, shocked says, "10 hours!? How the hell did you manage that long?"
"I just left her in waiting room for 9 and a half hours."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "what's the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Jewish boy asks his father if he can borrow fifty dollars.
His father replies: "Forty dollars, why do you need thirty dollars?!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Management Course
Lesson #1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, ???I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.??? After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ???Who was that????
???It was Bob the next door neighbor,??? she replies.
???Great,??? the husband says, ???did he say anything about the $800 he owes me????
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson #2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, ???Father, remember Psalm 129????
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, ???Father, remember Psalm 129????
The priest apologized, ???Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.???
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ???Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.???
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson #3:
A sales representative, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ???I'll give each of you just one wish.???
???Me first! Me first!??? says the administration clerk. ???I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. ???Puff!??? She's gone.
???Me next! Me next!??? says the sales representative. ???I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. ???Puff!??? He's gone.
???OK, you're up,??? the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ???I want those two back in the office after lunch.???
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson #4:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. ???I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree??? sighed the turkey, ???but I haven't got the energy.???
???Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings???? replied the bull. ???They're packed with nutrients.???
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
BS might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
It's nice to be off for 24 hours, but it's also midnight of a very long day.....again.
I'll leave to door open, and the light on for ya.
Come on in and make yourself at home.
Just call me Tom Bodett while you're at it.
Have a happy day everybody.
joe
I'll go into more detail tomorrow. 
Haroula enjoy your walk. 
Coffee is ready. Happy day All! 
is doing much better. 
