Saturdiner

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
~~~~~~~~~~~~

22 Things Not To Say To A Cop

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

5. Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

8. Bad cop! No donut!

9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

10. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

11. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?

12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

14. I pay your salary!

15. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

16. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

17. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.

22. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar slowly getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey,why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?”
The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So what happened that is so horrible?” the man asked.
The farmer then decides to try an answer, “Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.”
“That’s not so bad,what’s the big deal?”
The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So what happened?” the man asked again.
The farmer relenting, continued, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over.”
“Again?”
The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So, what did you do then?” the man asked, intrigued.
“I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”
“Wow, you must have been pretty upset!” but that’s no reason to just sit here getting all depressed.”
The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So then what else did you do?” the man asked again.
“Well I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. That’s when my pants fell down and my wife walked in…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,

"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's a smarty butt when he's drunk and stoned."

Brian from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!!!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A priest, gets a haircut in a Washington barbershop,
he then asks how much he owes.

"No charge, Father"... the barber said..."I consider it
a service to the Lord."

The next morning, the barber finds two dozen small
prayer booklets on his stoop.

Two days later, a police officer comes in for a cut and
asks..."how much do I owe you?"

"No charge, officer"...the barber says..."I consider it a
service to my community."

The next morning the barber finds a dozen doughnuts
on his stoop.

A few days later a Senator walks in for a haircut..."how
much do I owe you?"...he asks.

"No charge"...the barber replied.."I consider it a service
to my country."

The next morning the barber arrives at his shop only to
find a dozen Senators waiting on his stoop!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.


Welcome to the weekend!


I hope you're ready to have some fun.


I'm already having fun. I'm watching the Cowboys beat the snot out of the Eagles........again........for the 5th time.


What a gift!


I never get tired of that.


In case you can't tell, I dislike the Philismelphia Eauglies a little.


Sorry, my adolescent immaturity is frothing over.


I'd better go clean my face up now.


Have a happy day everybody.



joe

Glad you are enjoying your game Joe! WAtching reruns?

Have a wonderful day everyone! It's a free day for me so the skies the limit!

Ana

Good morning Joe,Ana and all who follow later.
Breakfast and then to the carouzels.
Have all a happy day.

Work whoosh time. Have a great Saturday, everyone.

Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula,Venus Coffee is ready! Wishing you all a Sunny Saturday

Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, venus and Sue. Joe keep smiling. Ana enjoy your free time. Maybe pup time

too. Haroula have fun. Venus don't work to hard. Sue thanks for the coffee. Happy Day All!

Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Bacon and Eggs, and French Toast in the NC.

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy the weekend.

Ana, yay for you. Hope you find some fun things to do today.

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Venus, have a good day.

Sue, thanks for th coffee.

Gerry, hope your day is fun.

Connie, Danish sounds great this morning.

Grocery shopping this morning. Wishing everyone a super day today!

Good morning Boomers.

Joe Too funny! Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

WooHoo Ana!! A free day. May you find all kinds of fun things to do on your free day! Have a lovely day!

Haroula enjoy the carousels!! Have a lovely day!

venus may work be fun and go well today! Have a lovely day!

Sue thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Gerry have a nice walk and a lovely day!

Connie have fun whatever you find to do. Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail hope you can get an early start to that grocery shopping to avoid the crowds! Have a lovely day!

Space welcome to the weekend!! Have a lovely day!


Nan

Super Saturday ya'll

We had a great time yesterday. God kindly held the rain til we were finished. It started raining as we left the park. The temps were also fantastic. It's usually much, much colder but last night I barely needed a jacket. Per and Soot enjoyed a game of chess on a giant outdoor chess board.

This afternoon we are going taking the crew to the new Hobbit movie. Probably home to collapse after that. I'd like to wash the dog-ones, but will see. However, I started taking a script of predisone today so will be hit by a burst of energy tomorrow, just in time to power through some Christmas prep.

What a glorious day today!!!!! The vultures are back!!!! I love to watch them, so graceful in flight but the other when stationary. Anyway they build a nest of sticks and leaves and who knows what in my old German barn and raise 2-3 birdies. But it always means the days are getting longer -how do they know and where do they stay through late summer and autumn. Do they migrate or just hide, plenty of places here to do that. They don't know how much I "Good Will" them do they. Or do they.

ShemerBaby decided to pish-water the stove top this morning and the back door is wide open and he has 13.89 acres to do that. well, nothings sacred around here. Just more work for me -I tell them I work my fingers to the bone but they ignore.

Chores ho

Good morning boomies! I'm going to brave Best Buy today to get Peter a new phone. It's going to be a madhouse!

Not sure if we are going to have a white Christmas here. I actually rode my bike yesterday. It was cold but nice!

Off to shower and start my day! Have a good one!

Oh, Dear, Yankee, I wonder if ShemerBaby is sick?

Yankee, are the vultures Turkey Vultures?

Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a great Saturdiner!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Daughter and son-in-law were over last night for a visit. What a fabulous time we had!! We are blessed!

A little shopping to do today, then easy peasy....

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!

I'm going to try to go to Wally Mart today. Probably not a good idea but I have coupons which are expiring tomorrow for stuff I use. Wish me luck!!!!!!

Good morning boomers. Hope everyone is having a super Saturday

OK Ana, I did some vulture schoolwork and these most likely are turkey. According to the web the black vulture also nests here. And here's the difference besides being different families the turkey is larger and white underneath the wings but black has pronounced white just on the wingtips. Both migrate short distances and that's why they are scarce in summer, around here anyway. T vultures are from New York then down east coast and all way through South America.

L4L -don't worry about ShemerBaby as he's in good hands. He appeared 2 years ago as a starved skinny bleached out and dried out stray. All worried and scared of everything. Much coaxing and good food and now he's a 16 pound whopper and haaaandsooome bugger. He was at least 2 and then neutered and that explains some of his uncivilized behavior. The other night, beddy-by time I plunked my head down on a brand new pillow and ............wet!!! Shemer!!!!!!!!!!!! And there he was asleep and smiling on the heated matress pad. Pillows wash and dry just fine. But I will watch him.

We have lots of Turkey Vultures here, they are pretty awesome. I had one just miss me on a bike trail this summer. Birds were chasing it and he came right at me.

Ana

Yankee, we had cats that eventually started eliminating where they should not and it turned out they had stones and had to be put on special food. We just thought they'd lost their minds. The vet said he'd never seen a case where 2 cats came down with FUS at the same time. But as long as they stayed on their special food, problem was solved. Hope Shemer behaves.

Edit: We love, love, loved the movie!

Good night Boomers.

Thanks L4L, maybe I should take him in -just in case. He is a most affectionate cat.

Good night, sweet dreams

Sweet dreams L4L and SpaceQ.

Ana

Good night, everyone.