Posted By: gymcandy1
Sip & Surf Sunday - 12/21/14 06:00 AM
Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannise their teachers.
Socrates
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A very well endowed young lady went to the doctor for her annual check up. The doctor told her to remove her clothes and get up on the examining table.
Shyly, she said to him, "Oh doctor, I just couldn't undress in front of you."
"Ok. I'll turn off the lights for you, you undress, then tell me when you're ready," the doctor said.
A few moments later, she called out, "I've undressed, doctor. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Just place them on the chair, on top of mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John had just finished having his yearly medical examination and was waiting for the doctor to return to his office with the test results. When the doctor finally returns, he has a very sad look on his face.
"Well, doc, what's the word? How does everything look?" asks John. "John, I really don't know how to tell you this. The news is bad. Very bad," says the doctor.
"What is it doc?" a worried John asks. "I really am having a difficult time with this, John. I just don't know how to tell you," the doctor replies.
"Ok, doc, let's stop beating around the bush. Just tell me what you know. I can take it," John says.
"Let me put it this way. I think what you should do is go to Arkansas and visit the hot springs there for a nice, relaxing mud bath. Just spend some time soaking in the mud," the doctor tells him.
"I get it, I need to relax a little, right? Will that cure me?" asks John.
"No, not really, John. It won't cure you, nor will it help you to relax. What it will do is get you used to being covered in dirt."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A drunk walks into a bar, sits down and demands a drink.
"Get out" says the bartender. "I don't serve drunks here".
The drunk staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist and demands a drink.
"I just told you to get out, didn't I? Now LEAVE!".
The drunk gets off his stool, stumbles out the side door and, comes back inside through the back door. Once again, he sits at the bar and loudly asks for a drink.
The bartender, now glowing mad, looks at the drunk and yells "I TOLD YOU, NO DRUNKS ALLOWED, NOW GET OUT!!!".
The drunk looks up at the bartender and slurs "How many bars do you work at, anyway?".
~~~~~~~~~~~
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a giraffe in heat.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends repeatedly that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees, and lower back.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcahol may maak yu tink you kan tipe real gude.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At 8 years old....you put milk in your glass
At 18 years old....you put beer in your glass
At 80 years old.... you put your teeth in your glass
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are the names of the some romantic countries in the world.
H.O.L.L.A.N.D Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
I.T.A.L.Y. I Trust And Love You.
L.I.B.Y.A. Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
F.R.A.N.C.E. Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
C.H.I.N.A. Come Here….. I Need Affection.
B.U.R.M.A. Between Us, Remember Me Always.
N.E.P.A.L. Never Ever Part As Lovers.
I.N.D.I.A. I Nearly Died In Adoration.
K.E.N.Y.A Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
C.A.N.A.D.A. Cute And Naughty Action that developed into attraction
K.O.R.E.A. Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every adversity.
E.G.Y.P.T. Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!!
M.A.N.I.L.A. May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
P.E.R.U. Phorget (Forget) Everyone... Remember Us.
T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D. Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.
They must be really good at Scrabble.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
How's the coffee in this place? I've heard it's the bomb.
Maybe what I heard was if you drink it, your insides will explode.
It was something explosive anyway.
I like fireworks. Bring me a whole pot.
Big Bodda Boom
I may have to do something today..........if I get out of bed that is.
Well now that that decision is made, I'll have that pot of coffee served in bed please.
Could I have some pancakes with that too please?
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Socrates
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A very well endowed young lady went to the doctor for her annual check up. The doctor told her to remove her clothes and get up on the examining table.
Shyly, she said to him, "Oh doctor, I just couldn't undress in front of you."
"Ok. I'll turn off the lights for you, you undress, then tell me when you're ready," the doctor said.
A few moments later, she called out, "I've undressed, doctor. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Just place them on the chair, on top of mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John had just finished having his yearly medical examination and was waiting for the doctor to return to his office with the test results. When the doctor finally returns, he has a very sad look on his face.
"Well, doc, what's the word? How does everything look?" asks John. "John, I really don't know how to tell you this. The news is bad. Very bad," says the doctor.
"What is it doc?" a worried John asks. "I really am having a difficult time with this, John. I just don't know how to tell you," the doctor replies.
"Ok, doc, let's stop beating around the bush. Just tell me what you know. I can take it," John says.
"Let me put it this way. I think what you should do is go to Arkansas and visit the hot springs there for a nice, relaxing mud bath. Just spend some time soaking in the mud," the doctor tells him.
"I get it, I need to relax a little, right? Will that cure me?" asks John.
"No, not really, John. It won't cure you, nor will it help you to relax. What it will do is get you used to being covered in dirt."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A drunk walks into a bar, sits down and demands a drink.
"Get out" says the bartender. "I don't serve drunks here".
The drunk staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist and demands a drink.
"I just told you to get out, didn't I? Now LEAVE!".
The drunk gets off his stool, stumbles out the side door and, comes back inside through the back door. Once again, he sits at the bar and loudly asks for a drink.
The bartender, now glowing mad, looks at the drunk and yells "I TOLD YOU, NO DRUNKS ALLOWED, NOW GET OUT!!!".
The drunk looks up at the bartender and slurs "How many bars do you work at, anyway?".
~~~~~~~~~~~
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a giraffe in heat.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends repeatedly that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees, and lower back.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcahol may maak yu tink you kan tipe real gude.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At 8 years old....you put milk in your glass
At 18 years old....you put beer in your glass
At 80 years old.... you put your teeth in your glass
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are the names of the some romantic countries in the world.
H.O.L.L.A.N.D Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
I.T.A.L.Y. I Trust And Love You.
L.I.B.Y.A. Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
F.R.A.N.C.E. Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
C.H.I.N.A. Come Here….. I Need Affection.
B.U.R.M.A. Between Us, Remember Me Always.
N.E.P.A.L. Never Ever Part As Lovers.
I.N.D.I.A. I Nearly Died In Adoration.
K.E.N.Y.A Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
C.A.N.A.D.A. Cute And Naughty Action that developed into attraction
K.O.R.E.A. Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every adversity.
E.G.Y.P.T. Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!!
M.A.N.I.L.A. May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
P.E.R.U. Phorget (Forget) Everyone... Remember Us.
T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D. Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.
They must be really good at Scrabble. ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
How's the coffee in this place? I've heard it's the bomb.
Maybe what I heard was if you drink it, your insides will explode.
It was something explosive anyway.
I like fireworks. Bring me a whole pot.
Big Bodda Boom I may have to do something today..........if I get out of bed that is.
Well now that that decision is made, I'll have that pot of coffee served in bed please.
Could I have some pancakes with that too please?
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
joe
