Posted By: gymcandy1
Surf & Turf Saturdiner - 02/21/15 07:10 AM
WARREN BUFFETT
Quote: "Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jason, an eighty-eight year old millionaire married a young girl Janie. After a few months, he went to see his doctor and told him that his wife was expecting a baby.
Dr. Smith simply said to him, "I want to share a story with you. A guy who was absent minded went hunting. Instead of his gun, he carried a walking stick to the jungle where he was attacked by a lion. He pointed his walking stick at the lion and shot it, killing it instantly."
"But that's impossible," said old Jason, "Someone else must have shot the lion."
"Exactly my point, " said Dr. Smith.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Jacksons were getting their house painted. While Mr. Jackson was in office, Mrs. Jackson was supervising the paint job at their home.
Mr. Jackson came home from work and leaned against a freshly pained wall.
The next day, Mrs. Jackson said to the painter, "Let me show you where my husband put his hand last nite."
Painter Joe nodded his head in disgust and said, "Listen lady, I have a whole day of work ahead of me. I really don't want to get into any kinky stuff with you. Do you mind making some coffee for me instead?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Priest James Asher was retiring and there was a dinner hosted in his honor. Politician Ron Craig who had grown up in that locality was chosen as the chief guest who would make a speech at the occasion. Since the politician was late, Priest James Asher decided to say a few words to the gathering while they waited for the politician to arrive.
Priest James began, "I want to share something with all of you. When I came to this parish for the first time, I had a negative impression after the 1st confession that I heard. The first person who came to the confessional told me that he was a thief. He had stolen gold ornaments from several households, but was able to bribe his way through the police , to avoid being jailed. He had several affairs, visited women in the night, had maimed and killed people. He had even smuggled and traded in drugs. I was so shocked to learn that one person could be involved in so many crimes, that I feared that my time here would not be a comfortable one. But as the days and weeks passed, I learned that people in this parish were not that bad, and I would get to like them."
Just as Priest James Asher finished talking, politician Ron Craig arrived and apologized for being late.
He started his speech by saying, "I remember the first day when Priest James Asher arrived. In fact, I had the privilege of being the first one to enter his confessional."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Memories of an elder sis
Anyone who has an elder sis will relate to all the below:
- you have been the object of her experiments. She has tried hairstyles, eyeliners, mascara on you
- she has played the teacher and you have been the pupil
- you have been beaten in the pursuit of control of the tv remote
- you have assisted her in experiments in cooking
- she has decided what you are going to be when you grow up
- she made you believe that your parents adopted you
- she has confined you to a room or a bathroom
- if you have been her partner-in-crime, she has taken all the reprimands & bestings for you
- you have felt a sense of security in school with her around
- you can't forget the excitement on you face when someone asked who was elder between the two
- all permissions to be taken from parents was her responsibility
- you would get sadistic pleasure by irritating her
- she was and will be your bestest friend in the world
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Ludwig called his patient Thomas and said, "I need to share two things with you. I am afraid the first bit of information is not good news. I will find it even harder to break the next bit of information to you."
Thomas braced himself and said to the doctor, "Okay, tell me, how bad is it?"
Doctor Ludwig said, "You have less than 48 hours to live."
Thomas exclaimed, "What??!! I can't believe this! What could we worse than this?"
Doctor Ludwig sighed and said, "I haven't been able to get through to your phone since the day before yesterday."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dora had always been scared of technology and was never good with gadgets. She had a talent for mixing up instructions. Within a week of her marriage, her hubby bought her a brand new state-of-the-art automatic coffee maker.
The salesman explained in details how that thing worked. Plugging it in - setting the timer. He explained to her that she can go to bed and when she wakes up, the coffee will be ready for her.
A couple of days later, Dora went to visit the store. When the salesman asked her how was the coffee maker working, Dora replied, "Oh, it's great! But there's one thing that I wanted to ask you. Why do I have to go to sleep every time I want to make coffee for my husband and me?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mr. Pereira went to see a shrink about his son's problem.
He said to the shrink, "I am very anxious about my son's condition. He thinks he is a duck."
The shrink asked him, "Since when has he been displaying such behavior?"
Mr. Pereira replied, "Almost 6 months I guess."
The shrink exclaimed, "My god, why didn't you see me earlier about this problem?"
Mr. Pereira replied, "I am ashamed to say this, but his mother and I were really enjoying the eggs."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
It's midnight right now, and I have another very long day tomorrow, so this will have to be a hit and run.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Quote: "Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jason, an eighty-eight year old millionaire married a young girl Janie. After a few months, he went to see his doctor and told him that his wife was expecting a baby.
Dr. Smith simply said to him, "I want to share a story with you. A guy who was absent minded went hunting. Instead of his gun, he carried a walking stick to the jungle where he was attacked by a lion. He pointed his walking stick at the lion and shot it, killing it instantly."
"But that's impossible," said old Jason, "Someone else must have shot the lion."
"Exactly my point, " said Dr. Smith.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Jacksons were getting their house painted. While Mr. Jackson was in office, Mrs. Jackson was supervising the paint job at their home.
Mr. Jackson came home from work and leaned against a freshly pained wall.
The next day, Mrs. Jackson said to the painter, "Let me show you where my husband put his hand last nite."
Painter Joe nodded his head in disgust and said, "Listen lady, I have a whole day of work ahead of me. I really don't want to get into any kinky stuff with you. Do you mind making some coffee for me instead?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Priest James Asher was retiring and there was a dinner hosted in his honor. Politician Ron Craig who had grown up in that locality was chosen as the chief guest who would make a speech at the occasion. Since the politician was late, Priest James Asher decided to say a few words to the gathering while they waited for the politician to arrive.
Priest James began, "I want to share something with all of you. When I came to this parish for the first time, I had a negative impression after the 1st confession that I heard. The first person who came to the confessional told me that he was a thief. He had stolen gold ornaments from several households, but was able to bribe his way through the police , to avoid being jailed. He had several affairs, visited women in the night, had maimed and killed people. He had even smuggled and traded in drugs. I was so shocked to learn that one person could be involved in so many crimes, that I feared that my time here would not be a comfortable one. But as the days and weeks passed, I learned that people in this parish were not that bad, and I would get to like them."
Just as Priest James Asher finished talking, politician Ron Craig arrived and apologized for being late.
He started his speech by saying, "I remember the first day when Priest James Asher arrived. In fact, I had the privilege of being the first one to enter his confessional."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Memories of an elder sis
Anyone who has an elder sis will relate to all the below:
- you have been the object of her experiments. She has tried hairstyles, eyeliners, mascara on you
- she has played the teacher and you have been the pupil
- you have been beaten in the pursuit of control of the tv remote
- you have assisted her in experiments in cooking
- she has decided what you are going to be when you grow up
- she made you believe that your parents adopted you
- she has confined you to a room or a bathroom
- if you have been her partner-in-crime, she has taken all the reprimands & bestings for you
- you have felt a sense of security in school with her around
- you can't forget the excitement on you face when someone asked who was elder between the two
- all permissions to be taken from parents was her responsibility
- you would get sadistic pleasure by irritating her
- she was and will be your bestest friend in the world
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Ludwig called his patient Thomas and said, "I need to share two things with you. I am afraid the first bit of information is not good news. I will find it even harder to break the next bit of information to you."
Thomas braced himself and said to the doctor, "Okay, tell me, how bad is it?"
Doctor Ludwig said, "You have less than 48 hours to live."
Thomas exclaimed, "What??!! I can't believe this! What could we worse than this?"
Doctor Ludwig sighed and said, "I haven't been able to get through to your phone since the day before yesterday."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dora had always been scared of technology and was never good with gadgets. She had a talent for mixing up instructions. Within a week of her marriage, her hubby bought her a brand new state-of-the-art automatic coffee maker.
The salesman explained in details how that thing worked. Plugging it in - setting the timer. He explained to her that she can go to bed and when she wakes up, the coffee will be ready for her.
A couple of days later, Dora went to visit the store. When the salesman asked her how was the coffee maker working, Dora replied, "Oh, it's great! But there's one thing that I wanted to ask you. Why do I have to go to sleep every time I want to make coffee for my husband and me?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mr. Pereira went to see a shrink about his son's problem.
He said to the shrink, "I am very anxious about my son's condition. He thinks he is a duck."
The shrink asked him, "Since when has he been displaying such behavior?"
Mr. Pereira replied, "Almost 6 months I guess."
The shrink exclaimed, "My god, why didn't you see me earlier about this problem?"
Mr. Pereira replied, "I am ashamed to say this, but his mother and I were really enjoying the eggs."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
It's midnight right now, and I have another very long day tomorrow, so this will have to be a hit and run.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
