Posted By: gymcandy1
Sip & Surf Sunday - 03/08/15 05:02 AM
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ban On Dihydrogen Monoxide
A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater
Idaho Falls Science Fair on January 26.
In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict
control or total elimination of the chemical 'dihydrogen monoxide'.
And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:
1. Cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. It is a major component in acid rain
3. It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. Accidental inhalation can kill you
5. It contributes to erosion
6. It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. It has been found in tumours of terminal cancer patients.
He asked 150 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
- One hundred forty-three said yes.
- Six were undecided.
- Only one knew that the chemical was... Water! (H2O)
The title of his prize winning project was, 'How Gullible Are We?' He
was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists
practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our
environment. The conclusion is obvious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who is Your Role Model for 2015?
This is an honest evaluation of who your Role Model is in 2015.
This is fun. I promise you will laugh when you find the identity of your role model.
NO CHEATING!
I was really surprised to find out the name of my role model.
Don't scroll down yet.
To find the identity of your personal role model, do the mathematics below..
Then scroll down to find your hero or heroine.
It is crazy how accurate this is!
NO PEEKING!
1.) Pick your favourite number between 1 - 9
2.) Multiply by 3
3.) Add 3
4.) Then again multiply by 3... I'll wait if you need a calculator
5.) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number
6.) Add the digits together
NOW SCROLL DOWN
And with that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:
1. Einstein
2. Oprah Winfrey
3. Ernest Hemingway
4. Mother Teresa
5. Bill Gates
6. Gandhi
7. Mozart
8. Nelson Mandela
9. Joe Lilley
I know, I know, it's my happy attitude to life. I just have that special effect on people!
P.S. Stop picking different numbers!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two old guys, one 70 and one 75, were sitting on a park bench one
morning.
The 75-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of
breath.
The 70-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to
have so much energy. The 75-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It
keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home the 70-year-old stopped at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want five loaves."
She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf,
it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this stuff but me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach h
er a lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She said, "Are you nuts? You're almost 74 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week," I told her.
She fainted!
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Something for seniors to do to keep those "aging" grey cells active!
1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May.
...What was the third child's name?
2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers
....What does he weigh?
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered,
...what was the highest mountain in the world?
4. How much dirt is there in a hole
...that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
5. What word in the English language
...is always spelled incorrectly?
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.
....How is this possible?
7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.
...Why not?
8. What was the President's name
...in 1975?
9. If you were running a race,
...and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
10. Which is correct to say,
... "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,
...how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Here are the Answers
1. Johnny 's mother had three children. The first child was named April The second child was named May. What was the third child 's name?
Answer: Johnny of course
2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?
Answer: Meat.
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You're not very good at this are you?]
4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.
5. What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly?
Answer: Incorrectly
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere
7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?
Answer: You can 't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.
8. What was the President 's name in 1975?
Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama
9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.
10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?
Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.
Impossibilities in the world
1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.
Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
You have received this e-mail because I didn't want to be alone in the idiot category. SENIOR TEST
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
olguu8rstuhokplkgok ...Sorry, there was a hair on my keyboard.
This has been like a very long day, starting at 4:15am, and I am purty tard.......pardner.
I'm gnna find a nice warm pile of hay in the barn and bed down.
Moo.....I mean good night.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
- George Burns
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ban On Dihydrogen Monoxide
A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater
Idaho Falls Science Fair on January 26.
In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict
control or total elimination of the chemical 'dihydrogen monoxide'.
And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:
1. Cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. It is a major component in acid rain
3. It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. Accidental inhalation can kill you
5. It contributes to erosion
6. It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. It has been found in tumours of terminal cancer patients.
He asked 150 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
- One hundred forty-three said yes.
- Six were undecided.
- Only one knew that the chemical was... Water! (H2O)
The title of his prize winning project was, 'How Gullible Are We?' He
was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists
practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our
environment. The conclusion is obvious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who is Your Role Model for 2015?
This is an honest evaluation of who your Role Model is in 2015.
This is fun. I promise you will laugh when you find the identity of your role model.
NO CHEATING!
I was really surprised to find out the name of my role model.
Don't scroll down yet.
To find the identity of your personal role model, do the mathematics below..
Then scroll down to find your hero or heroine.
It is crazy how accurate this is!
NO PEEKING!
1.) Pick your favourite number between 1 - 9
2.) Multiply by 3
3.) Add 3
4.) Then again multiply by 3... I'll wait if you need a calculator
5.) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number
6.) Add the digits together
NOW SCROLL DOWN
And with that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:
1. Einstein
2. Oprah Winfrey
3. Ernest Hemingway
4. Mother Teresa
5. Bill Gates
6. Gandhi
7. Mozart
8. Nelson Mandela
9. Joe Lilley
I know, I know, it's my happy attitude to life. I just have that special effect on people!
P.S. Stop picking different numbers!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two old guys, one 70 and one 75, were sitting on a park bench one
morning.
The 75-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of
breath.
The 70-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to
have so much energy. The 75-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It
keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home the 70-year-old stopped at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want five loaves."
She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf,
it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this stuff but me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach h
er a lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She said, "Are you nuts? You're almost 74 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week," I told her.
She fainted!
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Something for seniors to do to keep those "aging" grey cells active!
1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May.
...What was the third child's name?
2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers
....What does he weigh?
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered,
...what was the highest mountain in the world?
4. How much dirt is there in a hole
...that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
5. What word in the English language
...is always spelled incorrectly?
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.
....How is this possible?
7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.
...Why not?
8. What was the President's name
...in 1975?
9. If you were running a race,
...and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
10. Which is correct to say,
... "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,
...how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Here are the Answers
1. Johnny 's mother had three children. The first child was named April The second child was named May. What was the third child 's name?
Answer: Johnny of course
2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?
Answer: Meat.
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You're not very good at this are you?]
4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.
5. What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly?
Answer: Incorrectly
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere
7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?
Answer: You can 't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.
8. What was the President 's name in 1975?
Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama
9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.
10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?
Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.
Impossibilities in the world
1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.
Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
You have received this e-mail because I didn't want to be alone in the idiot category. SENIOR TEST
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
olguu8rstuhokplkgok ...Sorry, there was a hair on my keyboard.
This has been like a very long day, starting at 4:15am, and I am purty tard.......pardner.
I'm gnna find a nice warm pile of hay in the barn and bed down.
Moo.....I mean good night.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
seems like its taken for ever 
Thanks for sharing! Venus enjoy your day off. 
Karen good news you are starting dialysis. I'm sure it will help you feel better. I'm thinking of you. 
Oooo Ahhh! 
Haroula for reminding us!