Posted By: gymcandy1
Merry Monday Morning - 04/06/15 05:12 AM
Okay, so God made man first, but doesn’t everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?
~Courtney Huston
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our
relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'" - Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Women's Study
There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.
85% of women think their a*s has grown too big since getting married..
10% of women think their as* is just as big as it was when they got married..
The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ad seen in the New York Times...
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition.
$1,000.00 or best offer.
No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Needs
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.
But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."
The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.
And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.
The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.'
The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. "
The husband says, " no no no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.
" No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.
Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't
pout when I yell at them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible.
I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened.
She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation.
"That's okay, honey," I said. "You still have me."
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Male Bashing
Q. What did God say after creating Adam
A. I must be able to do better than that.
Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
A. They won't stop to ask for directions.
Q. Why does a [blip] have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.
Q. How are men and parking spots alike?
A. Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common?
A. They are all married.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I'm hoppy to see you all this morning.
There goes Peter Pinky Cottontail hopping back down the bunny trail.
Well, it rained here all day Easter. I doubt there were very many, any, egg hunts going on.
We closed at 6:00, but it seems every time we close early, we end up working even later, as was the case last night.
It also seems that there are people out there that think the world exist only to serve their needs, and retail employees do not deserve to spend time enjoying a holiday, or holy day, with their families.
Today is supposed to be 80 degrees after the 50s yesterday. I'm hoping we have sunshine along with it, and maybe Baby and I can attempt turning up some new heads.
We head hunters must keep our skills honed.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Courtney Huston
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our
relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'" - Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Women's Study
There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.
85% of women think their a*s has grown too big since getting married..
10% of women think their as* is just as big as it was when they got married..
The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ad seen in the New York Times...
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition.
$1,000.00 or best offer.
No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Needs
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.
But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."
The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.
And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.
The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.'
The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. "
The husband says, " no no no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.
" No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.
Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't
pout when I yell at them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible.
I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened.
She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation.
"That's okay, honey," I said. "You still have me."
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Male Bashing
Q. What did God say after creating Adam
A. I must be able to do better than that.
Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
A. They won't stop to ask for directions.
Q. Why does a [blip] have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.
Q. How are men and parking spots alike?
A. Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common?
A. They are all married.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I'm hoppy to see you all this morning. There goes Peter Pinky Cottontail hopping back down the bunny trail.
Well, it rained here all day Easter. I doubt there were very many, any, egg hunts going on.
We closed at 6:00, but it seems every time we close early, we end up working even later, as was the case last night.
It also seems that there are people out there that think the world exist only to serve their needs, and retail employees do not deserve to spend time enjoying a holiday, or holy day, with their families.
Today is supposed to be 80 degrees after the 50s yesterday. I'm hoping we have sunshine along with it, and maybe Baby and I can attempt turning up some new heads.
We head hunters must keep our skills honed.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and everyone. Coffee is ready. Wishing you all a stress free Monday! 
and get it in the envelope so I don't get distracted and not realize what day it is. Also doing laundry and some bits and pieces of den cleaning. Then I'll go cook. 