Posted By: gymcandy1
TGIF - 05/08/15 01:51 AM
It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
Laurence J. Peter
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Why does moisture destroy leather? When it’s raining, cows don’t go up to the farmhouse yelling, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! We’re going to ruin the whole outfit here!”
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A lion comes across two men, one reading and the other writing. The beast pounces on and devours the reader but ignores the writer. Why? Because, as everyone knows, a writer cramps while a reader digests.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.
Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tired of waiting in the back of the line to get on Noah’s Ark, a flea jumps from one animal to another as she moves closer to the front. She leaps and leaps until she lands on the back of an elephant. The pachyderm turns to its mate and says testily, “I knew it! Here they go with the pushing and shoving!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m nervous as a cat.”
Collie: “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?”
Poodle: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear that NASA has launched several cows into orbit?
It was the herd shot around the world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. He takes out an ad in the newspaper, but two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt. “What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks. “ ‘Here, boy,’ ” he replies.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Well as I sit here typing, my house is rumbling and shaking from another storm that's fixing to hit.
I neeed to get to bed. Getting up at 3:30, and I hope Baby lets me sleep.
Anyway it's lightning here and there, to and fro, hither and......
....everywhere. 
I'm going to go to sleep, and dream I'm in a coma.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Laurence J. Peter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does moisture destroy leather? When it’s raining, cows don’t go up to the farmhouse yelling, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! We’re going to ruin the whole outfit here!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lion comes across two men, one reading and the other writing. The beast pounces on and devours the reader but ignores the writer. Why? Because, as everyone knows, a writer cramps while a reader digests.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.
Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tired of waiting in the back of the line to get on Noah’s Ark, a flea jumps from one animal to another as she moves closer to the front. She leaps and leaps until she lands on the back of an elephant. The pachyderm turns to its mate and says testily, “I knew it! Here they go with the pushing and shoving!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m nervous as a cat.”
Collie: “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?”
Poodle: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear that NASA has launched several cows into orbit?
It was the herd shot around the world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. He takes out an ad in the newspaper, but two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt. “What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks. “ ‘Here, boy,’ ” he replies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Well as I sit here typing, my house is rumbling and shaking from another storm that's fixing to hit.
I neeed to get to bed. Getting up at 3:30, and I hope Baby lets me sleep.
Anyway it's lightning here and there, to and fro, hither and......
....everywhere. I'm going to go to sleep, and dream I'm in a coma.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Midgie, Haroula and everyone. Joe and Ana we could use some of your rain. Getting very dry here. Haroula enjoy your day. Coffee is ready. Happy Day everyone! 
