Posted By: gymcandy1
Hump Day - 07/01/15 12:48 AM
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)
```````````````````````````````
WHAT WE LEARN FROM THE MOVIES
-- It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting.
-- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
-- If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
-- Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
-- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-- After a person suffers a massive blow to the head, they will still be surprisingly good looking.
-- No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-- Partnering police officers with their total opposites will always, eventually, lead to buddy teams who share unbreakable bonds and gruff affection.
`````````````````````````````````
WINDERS 8
MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.
It reads WINDERS 8 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
Also note:
Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
Other features:
Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff that does stuff
documents = stuff I done done
Also note that winders 8 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to winders 8:
tiperiter................A word processor
colering book............a graphics program
addin mershene...........calculator
scratch paper ...........notepad
jupe-box ................CD Player
inner-net................Microsoft Explorer
pichers..................A graphics viewer
IRS......................M/S accounting software
IRS2.....................M/S accounting software with hidden files
coon dog.................American kennel club records
fishin...................Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA......................National Rifle Association
shot gun ................Remington Arms price list
riffel...................Winchester price list
pisstel..................Smith & Wesson price list
truck....................Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code
house....................Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code
car .....................same as truck, just need two lists in Texas
cuzzins..................family history usually a 3 meg file
tax records..............usually an empty file
shells...................ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file
bud......................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
racin....................NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n' truck
Parts.......nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc .....................veterinarians by zip code
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Georgia edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.
`````````````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
My 6:30 deadline is almost upon me, and since I have another 3:30 wake up call, I'm in my usual panic to get this out for your reading pleasure.
On that subject, I can personally guarantee you will gain much pleasure from reading this (not the dribble I'm saying but the jokes), or I will refund your money, plus return postage.
Actually I may need to make an exception for Georgia readers, sorry. 
6:39.....
I hate pressure.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)
```````````````````````````````
WHAT WE LEARN FROM THE MOVIES
-- It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting.
-- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
-- If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
-- Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
-- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-- After a person suffers a massive blow to the head, they will still be surprisingly good looking.
-- No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-- Partnering police officers with their total opposites will always, eventually, lead to buddy teams who share unbreakable bonds and gruff affection.
`````````````````````````````````
WINDERS 8
MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.
It reads WINDERS 8 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
Also note:
Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
Other features:
Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff that does stuff
documents = stuff I done done
Also note that winders 8 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to winders 8:
tiperiter................A word processor
colering book............a graphics program
addin mershene...........calculator
scratch paper ...........notepad
jupe-box ................CD Player
inner-net................Microsoft Explorer
pichers..................A graphics viewer
IRS......................M/S accounting software
IRS2.....................M/S accounting software with hidden files
coon dog.................American kennel club records
fishin...................Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA......................National Rifle Association
shot gun ................Remington Arms price list
riffel...................Winchester price list
pisstel..................Smith & Wesson price list
truck....................Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code
house....................Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code
car .....................same as truck, just need two lists in Texas
cuzzins..................family history usually a 3 meg file
tax records..............usually an empty file
shells...................ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file
bud......................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
racin....................NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n' truck
Parts.......nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc .....................veterinarians by zip code
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Georgia edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.
`````````````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
My 6:30 deadline is almost upon me, and since I have another 3:30 wake up call, I'm in my usual panic to get this out for your reading pleasure.
On that subject, I can personally guarantee you will gain much pleasure from reading this (not the dribble I'm saying but the jokes), or I will refund your money, plus return postage.
Actually I may need to make an exception for Georgia readers, sorry. 6:39.....
I hate pressure.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Ana 
