Posted By: gymcandy1
TGIF - 08/07/15 04:01 AM
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.
Lucille Ball
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Here are some more of the top funny sayings
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
The revolution will not be televised.
The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.
The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some real good ideas!
The web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
There are 10 types of people, those who understand binary and those who don’t.
There are no short cuts to any place worth going.
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, [blip] Lies, and Statistics.
There are three types of people – those who can count and those who can’t.
There are two types of people – those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
There is no time like the pleasant.
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
They call it “pms” because “mad cow disease” was already taken.
They’re only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
Think much, Speak little, Write less.
This sentence contradicts itself — no actually it doesn’t.
This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it’s dimwit resistant.
This will be a memorable month — no matter how hard you try to forget.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
To err is human, to forgive highly unlikely.
To generalize is to be an idiot.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Today’s children would be less spoiled if we could spank grandparents!
Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
Too much of everything is just enough.
Tracers work both ways.
Trying is failing with honors.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.
Unix is user friendly – it’s just picky about it’s friends.
Veni, Vidi, Velcro – I came, I saw, I stuck around.
Veni, vedi, visa. I came. I saw. I did a little shopping.
Viewer discretion may be advised, but it’s never really expected.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
Wasting time is an important part of living.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Today was soooo hot!
"HOW HOT WAS IT JOE?"
It was so hot a demon came to my door to ask if I could spare some ice.
In typical Joe fashion I got out and mowed my lawn, and trimmed it.
I did it completely against my will, but not against my better judgement....obviously.
My better judgement is not a good judge of whats good for me,...............or bad for me.
If it's not putting me in hot water, it's sticking me out in the hot sun.
I'm saving up so I can trade my better judgement in for some better better judgement.
Gotta git now.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Lucille Ball
```````````````````````````````
Here are some more of the top funny sayings
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
The revolution will not be televised.
The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.
The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some real good ideas!
The web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
There are 10 types of people, those who understand binary and those who don’t.
There are no short cuts to any place worth going.
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, [blip] Lies, and Statistics.
There are three types of people – those who can count and those who can’t.
There are two types of people – those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
There is no time like the pleasant.
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
They call it “pms” because “mad cow disease” was already taken.
They’re only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
Think much, Speak little, Write less.
This sentence contradicts itself — no actually it doesn’t.
This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it’s dimwit resistant.
This will be a memorable month — no matter how hard you try to forget.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
To err is human, to forgive highly unlikely.
To generalize is to be an idiot.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Today’s children would be less spoiled if we could spank grandparents!
Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
Too much of everything is just enough.
Tracers work both ways.
Trying is failing with honors.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.
Unix is user friendly – it’s just picky about it’s friends.
Veni, Vidi, Velcro – I came, I saw, I stuck around.
Veni, vedi, visa. I came. I saw. I did a little shopping.
Viewer discretion may be advised, but it’s never really expected.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
Wasting time is an important part of living.
```````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Today was soooo hot!
"HOW HOT WAS IT JOE?"
It was so hot a demon came to my door to ask if I could spare some ice.
In typical Joe fashion I got out and mowed my lawn, and trimmed it.
I did it completely against my will, but not against my better judgement....obviously.
My better judgement is not a good judge of whats good for me,...............or bad for me.
If it's not putting me in hot water, it's sticking me out in the hot sun.
I'm saving up so I can trade my better judgement in for some better better judgement.
Gotta git now.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Joe. Sending cool air your way! 
Daughter and I are going shopping shortly, then the rest of the day is open. 
