Posted By: gymcandy1
Sunday Sunshine - 09/06/15 02:53 AM
“Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?” – Unknown
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1. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
2. I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
3. The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.
4. A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
5. What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.
6. What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!
7. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
8. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.
9. There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
10. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.
11. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
12. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.
13. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
14. Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
15. Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.
16. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.
17. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
18. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
19. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.
20. Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!
21. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.
22. What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
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1. Why did the superhero flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
2. How do you get a tissue to dance?
You put a little boogie into it.
3. What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
4. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein’.
5. What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
Nach-o cheese.
6. What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.
7. What time should you go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
8. What did one firefly say to the other?
You glow girl!
9. What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing. It just waved.
10. Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
11. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
12. What do you call two guys hanging on a window?
Kurt and Rod.
13. What kind of bees make milk?
Boo-bees.
14. How do you catch a whole school of fish?
With bookworms.
15. How do you find Will Smith when he’s lost in the snow?
You just look for fresh prints.
16. Why did the mushroom like to party so much?
Because he was a fun-guy.
17. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
Lack of concentration.
18. What did one tonsil say to the other?
Better get dressed. The doc’s taking us out tonight!
19. Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park?
They woke him up.
20. Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Stopwatch!
Stopwatch who?
Stopwatch you’re doing and open this door!
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Good morning everyboomie.
Hobo Joe here.
Not really.
I've been thinking about giving up my rich philanthropist life, and going on the road and living the simple life. You know.....getting back to nature.
It's a nice thought but can think of a couple of things I would miss to much for that.
I got off of work today at 2:00, and I am so tired after only 4 hours sleep last night.
My brothers and sisters are here for a reunion, as well as a lot of other relatives that I haven't seen in ages.
I met them all at a local restaurant for some food and fun. Tomorrow we'll all gather at the lake.
Baby will enjoy the lake, but I can't stay out too long. I have to get up at 3:30 Monday morning.
Also, we're getting back up to 100 degrees this week, so it ain't like the heat is letting up any around here.
I wish you all a very happy Sunday.
joe
`````````````````````````
1. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
2. I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
3. The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.
4. A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
5. What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.
6. What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!
7. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
8. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.
9. There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
10. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.
11. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
12. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.
13. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
14. Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
15. Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.
16. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.
17. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
18. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
19. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.
20. Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!
21. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.
22. What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
`````````````````````````````````
1. Why did the superhero flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
2. How do you get a tissue to dance?
You put a little boogie into it.
3. What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
4. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein’.
5. What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
Nach-o cheese.
6. What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.
7. What time should you go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
8. What did one firefly say to the other?
You glow girl!
9. What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing. It just waved.
10. Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
11. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
12. What do you call two guys hanging on a window?
Kurt and Rod.
13. What kind of bees make milk?
Boo-bees.
14. How do you catch a whole school of fish?
With bookworms.
15. How do you find Will Smith when he’s lost in the snow?
You just look for fresh prints.
16. Why did the mushroom like to party so much?
Because he was a fun-guy.
17. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
Lack of concentration.
18. What did one tonsil say to the other?
Better get dressed. The doc’s taking us out tonight!
19. Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park?
They woke him up.
20. Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Stopwatch!
Stopwatch who?
Stopwatch you’re doing and open this door!
```````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Hobo Joe here.
Not really.
I've been thinking about giving up my rich philanthropist life, and going on the road and living the simple life. You know.....getting back to nature.
It's a nice thought but can think of a couple of things I would miss to much for that.
I got off of work today at 2:00, and I am so tired after only 4 hours sleep last night.
My brothers and sisters are here for a reunion, as well as a lot of other relatives that I haven't seen in ages.
I met them all at a local restaurant for some food and fun. Tomorrow we'll all gather at the lake.
Baby will enjoy the lake, but I can't stay out too long. I have to get up at 3:30 Monday morning.
Also, we're getting back up to 100 degrees this week, so it ain't like the heat is letting up any around here.
I wish you all a very happy Sunday.
joe
, Haroula, and Gerry and all who come in the diner today.
