Joe's Sundiner

Whatever you are, be a good one. Abraham Lincoln



A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During world war II, I hid a refugee in my attic."

"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'

"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."

"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."

"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."

"What is that, my son?"

"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

*****************

The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaites him. St. Peter asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."

St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."

St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.

St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."

God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)

Jesus: "Yes father, what's up?"

God and St. Peter explain the situation.

Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."

Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.

Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"

*****************

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.

Susie said, "He was born in a manger."

Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."

Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it."

Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"

"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"

**************

A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.

He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard."

*************

It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Jim was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the men's tee, please!"

Jim was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up the men's tee!"

Jim had had enough. He shouted: "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"

**************

Joe still has no internet so you are stuck with me once again. Any complaints take it up with him when he comes back.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

JoeAna

Good Morning Ana and everyone. You sound like Joe Ana! I'll put the coffee and tea on.
Wishing you all a tranquil Sunday.

Good morning everyone. Thanks for filling in Ana. FSU won, one son happy one not so happy. Four sons four different Florida teams. It's a trip on game days. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Breakfast out and a bit of shopping today. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, and Toast in the NC.

Good morning Boomers.

Thanks for opening the diner Ana.

Poor Joe is going through GB withdrawal. He said its a monsoon this morning again and he still has no internet. He says hi!

Ana

Aw poor Joe!! Hope the rain goes away soon for ya!

Ana thank you for opening the diner again today!! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day! Are you free for a walk Friday?????

Gerry thank you for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie must be a hoot!!! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Space enjoy your Sunday and have a lovely day!


Nan

Good freezing cold morning to all! We are finally getting 'weather' here in San Diego. We had a little rain, a little wind, and now a little cold, and in the mountains 1/2 hour away we are getting a little snow. It's a major holiday for everyone when it snows here. People skip work, kids skip school. Happily there was even enough on this first little bit to make snowmen and snow angels and boogie board down hills (the runs were mostly mud, but who cares?). Lovely weather just in time for the Holidays.

Thanks for filling in for Joe, Ana. Santa will surely put an extra goodie in your stocking.

Poor Joe! Stay dry and hopefully your weather will ease up so you can get that GB 'fix' and be back soon.

Nothing happening around here. I'd write something in Sorta's Neighborhood, but it's been incredibly boring. Still waiting for the 'family' of the old guy to come out here and do something...anything with the house! Most of us in the neighborhood are now getting so angry we are thinking about taking the 'estate' to small claims for allowing this situation to go on so long for no good reason. I'm trying to hold them off. Don't think suing is the answer, but then again, if this isn't resolved by the New Year, I'm probably going to get on that train too. It's been since November of 2013 (actually 6 months before that) that all this started. You would think that someone, anyone could have figured this out by now. No for sale signs, still 3 men 'guarding' the house 24/7 even though the police are doing a fine job of 'extra patrol' and stopping by to spotlight it every night and look at it in the daytime. Nothing happens. 3 guys still there doing their 'thing'. No more obvious drug activity now and that's a biggie. Nice not to have all those people going in and out and parking in front of my house doing drugs in the open. Nobody seems scared of being caught. OH and the gal in the 'apartments' on the other side of me, who was constantly fighting with her boyfriend (physical stuff and yelling) and then started up her OWN drug sales, seems to be GONE. I think the police patrolling and following her to her apartment (I told on her too...uhhuh) maybe got the manager over there to kick her out or she just left. Haven't seen her for 3 or more weeks. Nice.

So off I go today to see if I can find something interesting to watch. If not, I'll just work on redoing, my wooden walkway to my shed. It's rotted out on the support rails and I have to take the entire thing apart and put it back together with new 2x4's so it will last another 15 or so years. Keeps me from having to walk in the dirt, or in mud when it rains to get back to my yard tool shed. I dismantled one section of fence down back (the empty lot barrier) yesterday and it wasn't all that bad. I have to be careful of black widow spiders and such, but I will survive. Hammer, saw, nails, and I'm good to go.

Nan, are you traveling through again? I'd love to walk with you. Starved Rock or local?

Super Sunday and May the Force Be With Ya'll

Warm day in Al. Windows open. Hubby in back yard building up the top of the neighbor's fence to keep the other neighbor's dogs from doing a triple fence jump. They jump to the yard behind theirs, into the yard next to ours and then into ours. So frustrating that the neighbor is not the one doing this, but better hubby should do it than their dog kills my dog in my back yard.

Son is talking about taking boys to the park. I'm doing "stuff" and thinking about getting the 4-legged ones out for a walk. We shall see

Oh Ana I would LOVE Starved Rock but won't have that much time. Probably like last year. We are heading to Mooseheart for the Tree Lighting and Christmas Program. Leaving here on Thursday so Friday would be the day!!

Sorta that much snow here don't make much of a difference since we are use to it. Have a lovely day!

L4l that is not nice that those people let their dogs jump their fence let alone two others. Have a lovely day!


Nan

Howdy ho, sweet JoeAna! Thanks for the openers and, once again, opening the Diner! Hope your Joe's Sundiner goes easy peasy for you!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Another easy peasy day planned today! We have had a lovely, lovely holiday weekend!

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!

Hi all.

Nan, I will make time for a walk with you. We can go in the woods across the street and hopefully the wildlife will cooperate. Look forwatd to seeing you!

Ahhh, just back from a walk with the doggies. It's HOT out there, so could only get asthma to cooperate for 1 lap. Windows open, fans running, thinking longingly of A.C.

Hey everyone

I am enjoying a nice hot cup of tea and wishing everyone a quiet Sunday evening

Thanks for keeping the Diner open Ana

Joe, keep smiling and on getting your internet back

Good night Boomers.

Hi all. Watching the Pats game. So far so good. Bit chilly out there. Glad I'm home. Thanks Ana for opening for poor Joe today. I'm getting ready to find my pillow. Hope you all have a good night. Connie I'll look for my fav breakfast tomorrow morning if I could.

Midgie

Hi Midge,

Everything okay now? Sorry about the Pats game.