Posted By: gymcandy1
Thump Day - 01/07/16 03:51 AM
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
- Voltaire on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.
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Play with Words - Illogical, Yet Funny English Language
The market garden was designed to produce produce.
The city tip was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
In the boat, a row erupted amongst the oarsmen about how to row.
The nurse wound the crepe bandage around the wound.
Dessie decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Chloe was too close to the door to close it.
When Ted saw the tear in the painting he shed a tear.
How can I intimate my thoughts to my most intimate friend?
Sherrie shed her shoes in the shed.
In terms of weight lead is in the lead.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
Why do our noses run but our feet smell?
I did not object to the object.
Freddie filled in his form by filling it out.
Why do performers recite a play, yet play at a recital?
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
And then there are illogical 'Engrish' problems see opposite.
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Palindromes are interesting because they read the same forwards and backwards. While phrases are common, complete sentences are rare. The first palindrome that I saw was: Madam, I'm Adam, then I saw the longer: Madam, in Eden I'm Adam. Since then Will and Guy have put together ten of the best palindromes:
Live not on evil
Rise to vote, sir!
Do geese see God?
Lisa Bonet ate no basil
Dennis and Edna sinned
Murder for a jar of red rum
A man, a plan, a canal, Panama!
No, it never propagates if I set a gap or prevention
Tim made us sign it 'Lover'-a revolting issue, dammit!
Doc note: I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod.
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Sweating Like a Pig
Funny RSPCA story
The phrase "sweating like a pig" actually has nothing to do with the animal that you might find on a farm. Instead, it refers to iron "sows" and "piglets" made when smelting pig iron. In traditional iron smelting, liquid iron is poured into a mould shaped like one long line with many smaller lines branching off of it at right angles.
This looks similar to piglets feeding from their mother, so these pieces became known as pigs. After the pigs are poured into the sand, they cool, causing the surrounding air to reach its dew point and turn into moisture on the pigs, like they are sweating. When the pig is sweating, it's cool enough to be moved.
`````````````````````
Funny English Language - More Examples
There is probably a posh name for this clever crafting of the English language, but to Will and Guy these examples are just to be enjoyed without deep analysis, we hope that you feel the same.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I warned him about it, he reckoned he could stop any time.....
I went to the cemetery to lay flowers on a grave. I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin. Three hours later, they were still walking about with it. I thought to myself, 'They've lost the plot.'
At a cash point yesterday, a little old lady asked me to check her balance. Not being one to disappoint, I pushed the old dear over.
My son's been asking for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our pet shop and they were £70 each. I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, six out of seven dwarves are not happy.
Just heard there's been an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield;
3.1415927 dead.
Went to a friend's house today. His wife was there with their new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit cruel, so I gave it a dead leg instead.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to Myself, 'That guy's heading for a breakdown.'
```````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Is it Sunday or Wednesday? I'm not sure.
When I started working, I went through orientation. Now, I'm disoriented.
Not sure if I'm coming or going anymore.
Actually today it was neither. It was too cold, and too dark all day so I didn't go anywhere.
Well, that's not true. I went to the couch, and I went to the bathroom a few times.
and to the kitchen.
Now I'm going to bed.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
- Voltaire on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.
```````````````````````````
Play with Words - Illogical, Yet Funny English Language
The market garden was designed to produce produce.
The city tip was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
In the boat, a row erupted amongst the oarsmen about how to row.
The nurse wound the crepe bandage around the wound.
Dessie decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Chloe was too close to the door to close it.
When Ted saw the tear in the painting he shed a tear.
How can I intimate my thoughts to my most intimate friend?
Sherrie shed her shoes in the shed.
In terms of weight lead is in the lead.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
Why do our noses run but our feet smell?
I did not object to the object.
Freddie filled in his form by filling it out.
Why do performers recite a play, yet play at a recital?
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
And then there are illogical 'Engrish' problems see opposite.
````````````````````````
Palindromes are interesting because they read the same forwards and backwards. While phrases are common, complete sentences are rare. The first palindrome that I saw was: Madam, I'm Adam, then I saw the longer: Madam, in Eden I'm Adam. Since then Will and Guy have put together ten of the best palindromes:
Live not on evil
Rise to vote, sir!
Do geese see God?
Lisa Bonet ate no basil
Dennis and Edna sinned
Murder for a jar of red rum
A man, a plan, a canal, Panama!
No, it never propagates if I set a gap or prevention
Tim made us sign it 'Lover'-a revolting issue, dammit!
Doc note: I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod.
```````````````````````````````
Sweating Like a Pig
Funny RSPCA story
The phrase "sweating like a pig" actually has nothing to do with the animal that you might find on a farm. Instead, it refers to iron "sows" and "piglets" made when smelting pig iron. In traditional iron smelting, liquid iron is poured into a mould shaped like one long line with many smaller lines branching off of it at right angles.
This looks similar to piglets feeding from their mother, so these pieces became known as pigs. After the pigs are poured into the sand, they cool, causing the surrounding air to reach its dew point and turn into moisture on the pigs, like they are sweating. When the pig is sweating, it's cool enough to be moved.
`````````````````````
Funny English Language - More Examples
There is probably a posh name for this clever crafting of the English language, but to Will and Guy these examples are just to be enjoyed without deep analysis, we hope that you feel the same.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I warned him about it, he reckoned he could stop any time.....
I went to the cemetery to lay flowers on a grave. I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin. Three hours later, they were still walking about with it. I thought to myself, 'They've lost the plot.'
At a cash point yesterday, a little old lady asked me to check her balance. Not being one to disappoint, I pushed the old dear over.
My son's been asking for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our pet shop and they were £70 each. I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, six out of seven dwarves are not happy.
Just heard there's been an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield;
3.1415927 dead.
Went to a friend's house today. His wife was there with their new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit cruel, so I gave it a dead leg instead.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to Myself, 'That guy's heading for a breakdown.'
```````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Is it Sunday or Wednesday? I'm not sure.
When I started working, I went through orientation. Now, I'm disoriented.
Not sure if I'm coming or going anymore.
Actually today it was neither. It was too cold, and too dark all day so I didn't go anywhere.
Well, that's not true. I went to the couch, and I went to the bathroom a few times.
and to the kitchen.
Now I'm going to bed.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
