Posted By: gymcandy1
Saturdiner - 01/09/16 07:26 AM
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
- Mark Twain.
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We are collecting amusing examples of other funny figures of speech, but let us start with amusing collective nouns.
An exaggeration of fishermen
A decanter of publicans
A ponder of philosophers
A nucleus of physicists
A portfolio of stockbrokers
A flush of plumbers
A corps of anatomists
A bodge of DIYers
A scoop of journalists
An expectation of midwives
```````````````````````
Examples of Funny Words Making Clever Phrases
...(v3r)
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone, it is two tired.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
```````````````````````````
Many a Funny Word - Spoken in Jest
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is 'screeched.'
Los Angeles's full name is 'El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula' and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, 'L.A.'
The name for Oz in the 'Wizard of Oz' was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence 'Oz.'
The longest common word that you can type with just the left hand is probably 'Stewardesses', however there is the obscure but longer: 'Aftercataracts'. With the right hand the longest word is Phyllophyllin. (Lolypop comes close, but as Groucho Marx would say: 'no cigar')
The combination 'ough' can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all 'A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.'
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning 'containing arsenic.'
Amusing Words
There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, 'therein' the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
The word 'set' has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
'Underground' is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters 'und.'
```````````````````````````
Randy, a Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Glen, an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, 'Oh yeah. We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.'
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Glen shows off his herd of cattle. Then Randy immediately says, 'We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.'
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field and so he asks, 'And what are those?'
'Glen', the Aussie replies with an incredulous look, 'Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas.'
```````````````````````
Oxymorons
Dry lake
Fuzzy logic
Living dead
Free gift
Numb sensation
Same difference, once again
Stand down
Metal woods (Golfers)
Books on tape
Crash landing (As a result of friendly fire from a peacekeeping missile?)
Detailed summary
Anarchy rules!
Park drive
Stationary orbit
Jumbo shrimp, followed by vegetarian meatballs, and for desert, grape nuts.
Cruel Examples of Oxymorons
Pretty ugly
Punk music (Live recording)
Civil servant
Gourmet pizza, served by a fast waiter.
Airline food
User friendly
Non-working mother
Microsoft Works on a Vista operating system
Political Co-operation (Political science)
Work party
Loners club
Labour Party (or Conservative Party or Liberal Party)
Silent women, at least not in married life
French resistance
Swiss navy
Greater Cleveland (In UK - Greater Manchester)
California style
``````````````````````````````
Over-the-top Oxymoron Example
I can picture my friend 'Barking' Eddie, it's a pretty ugly sight. I see him half naked, sipping non-alcoholic beer from his plastic glass. Then from time-to-time he nibbles on his cold hotdog, which is smothered in hot chili sauce. For pudding Eddie will be having freezer burnt, white chocolate, ice cream, with a plain fudge topping.
Next week Eddie is organizing a working party for Hell's angels. This is a new tradition, they will be spending a whole half-day on the top floor of his low-rise office. They are hoping to watch a live recording of a programme about turning green oranges into non-stick glue.
Ten Examples of Oxymoron Phrases
A stripper's dressing room
Click the start button, and shut down
First strike defence
Former President-for-life (Haiti)
Alone in a crowd
Xenophobic Foreign Secretary (Xenophobic = hates strangers)
Personalized form letter
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else!
An oral contract isn't worth the paper its written on
The comedian was seriously funny
````````````````````````
Another Batch of Amusing Oxymorons
Freezer burn, caused by liquid gas, created an anxious patient
Open secret - clearly confused
Found missing - minor crisis averted
Tight slacks - Pretty ugly
We climbed down into a blocked drain
Soft rock, as shown on educational television
Monopoly (Mono Poly?) And why is there only one monopolies commission?
Head butt
``````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
It is 12:25, so I'm just going to wish you all a good night, and a happy day.
joe
- Mark Twain.
```````````````````````````````````
We are collecting amusing examples of other funny figures of speech, but let us start with amusing collective nouns.
An exaggeration of fishermen
A decanter of publicans
A ponder of philosophers
A nucleus of physicists
A portfolio of stockbrokers
A flush of plumbers
A corps of anatomists
A bodge of DIYers
A scoop of journalists
An expectation of midwives
```````````````````````
Examples of Funny Words Making Clever Phrases
...(v3r)
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone, it is two tired.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
```````````````````````````
Many a Funny Word - Spoken in Jest
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is 'screeched.'
Los Angeles's full name is 'El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula' and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, 'L.A.'
The name for Oz in the 'Wizard of Oz' was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence 'Oz.'
The longest common word that you can type with just the left hand is probably 'Stewardesses', however there is the obscure but longer: 'Aftercataracts'. With the right hand the longest word is Phyllophyllin. (Lolypop comes close, but as Groucho Marx would say: 'no cigar')
The combination 'ough' can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all 'A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.'
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning 'containing arsenic.'
Amusing Words
There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, 'therein' the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
The word 'set' has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
'Underground' is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters 'und.'
```````````````````````````
Randy, a Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Glen, an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, 'Oh yeah. We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.'
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Glen shows off his herd of cattle. Then Randy immediately says, 'We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.'
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field and so he asks, 'And what are those?'
'Glen', the Aussie replies with an incredulous look, 'Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas.'
```````````````````````
Oxymorons
Dry lake
Fuzzy logic
Living dead
Free gift
Numb sensation
Same difference, once again
Stand down
Metal woods (Golfers)
Books on tape
Crash landing (As a result of friendly fire from a peacekeeping missile?)
Detailed summary
Anarchy rules!
Park drive
Stationary orbit
Jumbo shrimp, followed by vegetarian meatballs, and for desert, grape nuts.
Cruel Examples of Oxymorons
Pretty ugly
Punk music (Live recording)
Civil servant
Gourmet pizza, served by a fast waiter.
Airline food
User friendly
Non-working mother
Microsoft Works on a Vista operating system
Political Co-operation (Political science)
Work party
Loners club
Labour Party (or Conservative Party or Liberal Party)
Silent women, at least not in married life
French resistance
Swiss navy
Greater Cleveland (In UK - Greater Manchester)
California style
``````````````````````````````
Over-the-top Oxymoron Example
I can picture my friend 'Barking' Eddie, it's a pretty ugly sight. I see him half naked, sipping non-alcoholic beer from his plastic glass. Then from time-to-time he nibbles on his cold hotdog, which is smothered in hot chili sauce. For pudding Eddie will be having freezer burnt, white chocolate, ice cream, with a plain fudge topping.
Next week Eddie is organizing a working party for Hell's angels. This is a new tradition, they will be spending a whole half-day on the top floor of his low-rise office. They are hoping to watch a live recording of a programme about turning green oranges into non-stick glue.
Ten Examples of Oxymoron Phrases
A stripper's dressing room
Click the start button, and shut down
First strike defence
Former President-for-life (Haiti)
Alone in a crowd
Xenophobic Foreign Secretary (Xenophobic = hates strangers)
Personalized form letter
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else!
An oral contract isn't worth the paper its written on
The comedian was seriously funny
````````````````````````
Another Batch of Amusing Oxymorons
Freezer burn, caused by liquid gas, created an anxious patient
Open secret - clearly confused
Found missing - minor crisis averted
Tight slacks - Pretty ugly
We climbed down into a blocked drain
Soft rock, as shown on educational television
Monopoly (Mono Poly?) And why is there only one monopolies commission?
Head butt
``````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
It is 12:25, so I'm just going to wish you all a good night, and a happy day.
joe
A captured portal? That sounds like a science fiction plot. 
Hopefully, it won't be cancelled again. 
Our first cold blast of the winter. Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!
