Posted By: gymcandy1
Thump Day - 01/28/16 04:01 AM
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
—Steve Martin
``````````````````````
Funny Proverbs - According to 6 year olds
Mary taught first grade. She had a class of twenty-five adorable 6yr olds. One day Mary gave each child the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to write in the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these funny proverbs were actually written first graders. While reading the results, keep in mind that these are only first graders, just 6 years olds.
No news is............................impossible.
Love all, trust....................... me.
An idle mind is........................the best way to relax.
Strike while the.......................bug is close.
Better late than.......................pregnant.
A penny saved is...................... not much.
Don't change horses....................until they stop running.
A miss is as good as a ................... Mr.
Happy is the bride who......................gets all the presents.
Two's company, three's....................... the Musketeers.
Don't bite the hand that...................... looks dirty.
It's always darkest before......................Daylight Saving Time.
There are none so blind as .................... Stevie Wonder.
Where there's smoke there's ................... pollution.
The pen is mightier than the..................... pigs.
If at first you don't succeed...................... get new batteries.
When the blind lead the blind .................... get out of the way!
Children should be seen and not ..................spanked or grounded.
You can't teach an old dog new .............. ....math.
Don't put off till tomorrow what.................... you put on to go to bed.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll...................... stink in the morning.
You can lead a horse to water but .................. how?
Never underestimate the power of .................... termites.
You get out of something only what you ............... see in the picture on the box.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you.............. cry and you have to blow your nose.
``````````````````````
Funny Proverb - Savings
A Year 5 teacher was giving her Primary pupils a lesson in developing logical thinking.
'This is the scene', said the teacher.
'A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?'
A little girl raised her hand and asked, 'To draw out all his savings?'
````````````````````````````
More Funny Proverbs and Wise Sayings
Fools rush in where fools have been before.
It's called "take home" pay because you can't afford to go anywhere else with it.
Success is relative; the greater the success, the more relatives.
If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
You must have learned from others' mistakes. You haven't had time to think all those up yourself.
People like criticism; just keep it positive and flattering.
It's OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.
Worry kills more people than work because more people worry than work.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind, and narrowness of the waist, change places.
When you're getting kicked from behind, at least it means you're in front.
Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until the work is done.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
The one who snores will fall asleep first.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.
`````````````````````````
Out of the Mouths of Children
A number of primary schools were doing a project on 'The Sea.' Children were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the 'better' ones:
1. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea because I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher age 7)
2. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly age 6)
3. Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
4. If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)
5. I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kyle age 6)
6. A dolphin breathes through an (blip)-hole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8 )
7. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)
8. I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)
Children's Comments on Love
When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca age 8
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. Billy age 4
Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny age 7
Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. Bobby age 7
If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. Nikka age 6
Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day. Noelle age 7
Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy age 6
Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine age 5
I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones. Lauren age 4
``````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Did ya miss me?
Yeah I know, I didn't either.
I have a bird and two dogs in my lap that did though. It's kinda cramped here.
The little one got hurt tonight. She's been bouncing off the walls as usual. Very hyper. Well she jumped off the chair and landed awkwardly on her leg, and she just screamed in pain like her leg was broken. She kept screaming and I thought for a minute I was going to have to head to the vet. She finally quit crying, and she's been quiet all evening.
My lap is really hot though, and not in a, you know, a romantic sort of way.
My next child will NOT be a lap dog.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
—Steve Martin
``````````````````````
Funny Proverbs - According to 6 year olds
Mary taught first grade. She had a class of twenty-five adorable 6yr olds. One day Mary gave each child the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to write in the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these funny proverbs were actually written first graders. While reading the results, keep in mind that these are only first graders, just 6 years olds.
No news is............................impossible.
Love all, trust....................... me.
An idle mind is........................the best way to relax.
Strike while the.......................bug is close.
Better late than.......................pregnant.
A penny saved is...................... not much.
Don't change horses....................until they stop running.
A miss is as good as a ................... Mr.
Happy is the bride who......................gets all the presents.
Two's company, three's....................... the Musketeers.
Don't bite the hand that...................... looks dirty.
It's always darkest before......................Daylight Saving Time.
There are none so blind as .................... Stevie Wonder.
Where there's smoke there's ................... pollution.
The pen is mightier than the..................... pigs.
If at first you don't succeed...................... get new batteries.
When the blind lead the blind .................... get out of the way!
Children should be seen and not ..................spanked or grounded.
You can't teach an old dog new .............. ....math.
Don't put off till tomorrow what.................... you put on to go to bed.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll...................... stink in the morning.
You can lead a horse to water but .................. how?
Never underestimate the power of .................... termites.
You get out of something only what you ............... see in the picture on the box.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you.............. cry and you have to blow your nose.
``````````````````````
Funny Proverb - Savings
A Year 5 teacher was giving her Primary pupils a lesson in developing logical thinking.
'This is the scene', said the teacher.
'A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?'
A little girl raised her hand and asked, 'To draw out all his savings?'
````````````````````````````
More Funny Proverbs and Wise Sayings
Fools rush in where fools have been before.
It's called "take home" pay because you can't afford to go anywhere else with it.
Success is relative; the greater the success, the more relatives.
If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
You must have learned from others' mistakes. You haven't had time to think all those up yourself.
People like criticism; just keep it positive and flattering.
It's OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.
Worry kills more people than work because more people worry than work.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind, and narrowness of the waist, change places.
When you're getting kicked from behind, at least it means you're in front.
Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until the work is done.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
The one who snores will fall asleep first.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.
`````````````````````````
Out of the Mouths of Children
A number of primary schools were doing a project on 'The Sea.' Children were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the 'better' ones:
1. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea because I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher age 7)
2. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly age 6)
3. Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
4. If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)
5. I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kyle age 6)
6. A dolphin breathes through an (blip)-hole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8 )
7. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)
8. I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)
Children's Comments on Love
When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca age 8
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. Billy age 4
Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny age 7
Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. Bobby age 7
If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. Nikka age 6
Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day. Noelle age 7
Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy age 6
Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine age 5
I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones. Lauren age 4
``````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Did ya miss me?
Yeah I know, I didn't either.
I have a bird and two dogs in my lap that did though. It's kinda cramped here.
The little one got hurt tonight. She's been bouncing off the walls as usual. Very hyper. Well she jumped off the chair and landed awkwardly on her leg, and she just screamed in pain like her leg was broken. She kept screaming and I thought for a minute I was going to have to head to the vet. She finally quit crying, and she's been quiet all evening.
My lap is really hot though, and not in a, you know, a romantic sort of way.
My next child will NOT be a lap dog.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
She's on my lap now, and I think she's happy that ordeal is over with. 
with your drive. I have tinnitus too. Ring ring.
