Posted By: gymcandy1
Thumping Thursday - 02/11/16 05:09 AM
The baby is great. My wife and I have just started potty training. Which I think is important because when we want to potty train the baby, we should set an example.
—Howie Mandell
```````````````````````
Diana, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, 'Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?'
'I would love to do that,' replied Diana's husband, 'but she won't let me.'
``````````````````````
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from a hotel chain.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
``````````````````````
Mike and Pauline were relating their holiday experiences to a friend.
'It sounds as if you had a great time in Nevada,' the friend observed. 'But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Philadelphia?
'Well,' Mike interrupted, 'we changed our plans because, uh......oh........umm.'
Pauline spoke up, 'Come on, Mike, tell him the truth.'
Mike fell silent and Pauline continued, 'You know, it's just stupid. Mike simply won't ever ask for directions.'
`````````````````````
Magistrate: But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?
Motorist: I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.
``````````````````````````````
Andrea, with great alacrity, leaned over, took a deep breath, made a wish and threw in a penny.
Toby also decided to make a wish, but he leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned.
Andrea was stunned for a moment but then smiled, 'It really works!'
``````````````````````````
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
My mind not only wanders - it sometimes leaves me completely.
````````````````````````
(1) In a poll held in the USA, men and women were asked if they would marry the same person if they had it to do all over again.
80% of the men responded that they would marry the same woman.
Interestingly, only 50% of the women said that they would marry the same man. Oh dear!
(2) Gamophobia is the fear of marriage.
(3) 'When women hold back from marrying men, we call it independence. Yet, when men hold off marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.' Warren Farrell (American Psychologist)
```````````````````````````
My new wife Jenny told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending $75 on makeup. So I asked, how come I had to give up stuff and not her.
She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.
I told her that was what the beer was for.
I don't think Jenny's coming back.
``````````````````````````
Judge Jeffries was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asks, 'What exactly are the grounds for your divorce?'
Amy replied, 'Approximately four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.'
'No,' Judge Jeffries continued, 'I mean what is the foundation of this case?'
'It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,' responded Amy promptly.
'I mean,' he sighed, 'What are your relations like?'
'Ah well, I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents.'
Judge Jeffries asked, 'Do you have a real grudge?'
'No, we haven't,' Amy replied, 'We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.'
'Please,' Judge Jeffries took a deep breath and tried again, 'is there any infidelity in your marriage?'
'Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes,' smiled Amy.
'Ma'am,' Judge Jeffries raised his voice, 'does your husband ever beat you up?'
'Oh yes,' Amy responded, 'about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.'
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, 'Lady, why do you want a divorce?'
'Oh, I don't want a divorce,' Amy replied. 'I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me.'
``````````````````````````
Thoughts About Women
TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!
MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement wherein
a man loses his bachelors degree
and a woman gains her masters
ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel
a feeling you have never felt before.
YAWN:
The only time when some married men
ever get to open their mouth.
EXPERIENCE:
The name men give to their
Mistakes.
SMILE:
A curve that can set
a lot of things straight!
``````````````````````
Good morning every little boomie..........and the big ones too of course.
I just started a 3 day weekend, which was a 2 day weekend, until my department manager asked me if I would switch days off with him so he could have Valentines Day off.
Yaaaaaa! I love him so much!
Did I say that out loud??
Just kidding of course.
Really!
REALLY!!!
Bald headed men never did that much for me.
Come to think of it, bald headed women never did much for me either.
Bald heads and bow legs I never found appealing.
I know some women who like them though, because I have both.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
—Howie Mandell
```````````````````````
Diana, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, 'Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?'
'I would love to do that,' replied Diana's husband, 'but she won't let me.'
``````````````````````
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from a hotel chain.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
``````````````````````
Mike and Pauline were relating their holiday experiences to a friend.
'It sounds as if you had a great time in Nevada,' the friend observed. 'But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Philadelphia?
'Well,' Mike interrupted, 'we changed our plans because, uh......oh........umm.'
Pauline spoke up, 'Come on, Mike, tell him the truth.'
Mike fell silent and Pauline continued, 'You know, it's just stupid. Mike simply won't ever ask for directions.'
`````````````````````
Magistrate: But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?
Motorist: I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.
``````````````````````````````
Andrea, with great alacrity, leaned over, took a deep breath, made a wish and threw in a penny.
Toby also decided to make a wish, but he leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned.
Andrea was stunned for a moment but then smiled, 'It really works!'
``````````````````````````
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
My mind not only wanders - it sometimes leaves me completely.
````````````````````````
(1) In a poll held in the USA, men and women were asked if they would marry the same person if they had it to do all over again.
80% of the men responded that they would marry the same woman.
Interestingly, only 50% of the women said that they would marry the same man. Oh dear!
(2) Gamophobia is the fear of marriage.
(3) 'When women hold back from marrying men, we call it independence. Yet, when men hold off marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.' Warren Farrell (American Psychologist)
```````````````````````````
My new wife Jenny told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending $75 on makeup. So I asked, how come I had to give up stuff and not her.
She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.
I told her that was what the beer was for.
I don't think Jenny's coming back.
``````````````````````````
Judge Jeffries was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asks, 'What exactly are the grounds for your divorce?'
Amy replied, 'Approximately four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.'
'No,' Judge Jeffries continued, 'I mean what is the foundation of this case?'
'It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,' responded Amy promptly.
'I mean,' he sighed, 'What are your relations like?'
'Ah well, I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents.'
Judge Jeffries asked, 'Do you have a real grudge?'
'No, we haven't,' Amy replied, 'We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.'
'Please,' Judge Jeffries took a deep breath and tried again, 'is there any infidelity in your marriage?'
'Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes,' smiled Amy.
'Ma'am,' Judge Jeffries raised his voice, 'does your husband ever beat you up?'
'Oh yes,' Amy responded, 'about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.'
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, 'Lady, why do you want a divorce?'
'Oh, I don't want a divorce,' Amy replied. 'I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me.'
``````````````````````````
Thoughts About Women
TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!
MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement wherein
a man loses his bachelors degree
and a woman gains her masters
ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel
a feeling you have never felt before.
YAWN:
The only time when some married men
ever get to open their mouth.
EXPERIENCE:
The name men give to their
Mistakes.
SMILE:
A curve that can set
a lot of things straight!
``````````````````````
Good morning every little boomie..........and the big ones too of course.
I just started a 3 day weekend, which was a 2 day weekend, until my department manager asked me if I would switch days off with him so he could have Valentines Day off.
Yaaaaaa! I love him so much!
Did I say that out loud??
Just kidding of course.
Really!
REALLY!!!
Bald headed men never did that much for me.
Come to think of it, bald headed women never did much for me either.
Bald heads and bow legs I never found appealing.
I know some women who like them though, because I have both.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
MaG have a great day. 
Coffee and tea are ready. Got to walk yesterday in spite of the snow. This morning we are expecting snow squalls and snow showers and the temperatures are dropping. 
Hopefully we can get to walk. Have a nice day everyone! 
if there was any moisture in the air. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and BB Pancakes in the NC. 
