Posted By: gymcandy1
Tuesday's - 03/29/16 02:47 AM
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.
ANAÏS NIN
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Scene: A phone conversation between a client and me—an art director.
Me: Hi. I was wondering if you received the invoice I sent?
Client: Yes, I received it, but I am not going to pay you yet.
Me: Why not? Was something wrong?
Client: No, I don’t need to use your design yet, so I will pay you when I use it.
Me: Well, I still need to get paid now. If a plumber fixes your toilet, you don’t tell him you will pay him as soon as you need to go to the bathroom, do you?
Client: That’s disgusting! My bathroom habits are none of your business, and as soon as I use what you sent me, you will get paid!
``````````````````````
A customer pulled up to my drive-through window at the fast-food restaurant where I work and requested something from the lunch menu.
"I’m sorry, but it’s 10:15," I told her. "We’re only serving breakfast now."
After thinking it over, she asked, "Do you have anything on your breakfast menu that tastes like lunch?"
````````````````````````````
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don’t want this box," she said abruptly. "It’s been opened."
`````````````````````````
Days after we invaded Marja, Afghanistan, one of my Marines found out his wife hadn’t paid the cell phone bill. He called the company and asked how he could settle up.
"You can go to Western Union and place a money order," the billing agent told him.
"Ma’am, I’m in Marja, Afghanistan," he explained. "We don’t have Western Unions."
"No problem. You can also go to Walmart."
````````````````````
Cream and sugar?
One woman raved about the rides at our water park, but she did have a valid complaint: "The water in the wave pool tastes horrible!"
``````````````````````````
Scene: A gas station in Canada
Customer: Excuse me. Why won’t my debit card work on the pump?
Owner: Are you using an American card?
Customer: Yes.
Owner: American cards don’t work at the pump.
Customer: You should put up a sign.
Owner: We did, above the card slot.
Customer: Oh. Well, I don’t read Canadian.
``````````````````````````
It’s so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
```````````````````````
I was delivering pizzas when I fell hard onto the sidewalk. Seeing me sprawled on the ground, my concerned customer yelled, "Oh, no! The pizzas!"
```````````````````````
As a salesperson, I do a lot of business over the phone. One man who called to place an order had a nice voice, so when he asked if I wanted his number, I took the opportunity to offer mine as well.
"Um," he stammered, "I was talking about my purchase-order number."
````````````````````
The waitress was refilling cups of coffee when she stopped at the table next to ours. "Regular?" she asked her customer. "Yes, thank you," said the man. "Due to a steady diet of fruit."
`````````````````````````````
Tales From the Bookstore
A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it. After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the Bible.
After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help. She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.
````````````````````````````
While we were working at a men’s clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband’s blue eyes stand out.
"Ma’am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough.
`````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I have water leaking from my eyes, and something quite different leaking from my nose.
I wish everyone a super Tuesday.
joe
ANAÏS NIN
``````````````````````
Scene: A phone conversation between a client and me—an art director.
Me: Hi. I was wondering if you received the invoice I sent?
Client: Yes, I received it, but I am not going to pay you yet.
Me: Why not? Was something wrong?
Client: No, I don’t need to use your design yet, so I will pay you when I use it.
Me: Well, I still need to get paid now. If a plumber fixes your toilet, you don’t tell him you will pay him as soon as you need to go to the bathroom, do you?
Client: That’s disgusting! My bathroom habits are none of your business, and as soon as I use what you sent me, you will get paid!
``````````````````````
A customer pulled up to my drive-through window at the fast-food restaurant where I work and requested something from the lunch menu.
"I’m sorry, but it’s 10:15," I told her. "We’re only serving breakfast now."
After thinking it over, she asked, "Do you have anything on your breakfast menu that tastes like lunch?"
````````````````````````````
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don’t want this box," she said abruptly. "It’s been opened."
`````````````````````````
Days after we invaded Marja, Afghanistan, one of my Marines found out his wife hadn’t paid the cell phone bill. He called the company and asked how he could settle up.
"You can go to Western Union and place a money order," the billing agent told him.
"Ma’am, I’m in Marja, Afghanistan," he explained. "We don’t have Western Unions."
"No problem. You can also go to Walmart."
````````````````````
Cream and sugar?
One woman raved about the rides at our water park, but she did have a valid complaint: "The water in the wave pool tastes horrible!"
``````````````````````````
Scene: A gas station in Canada
Customer: Excuse me. Why won’t my debit card work on the pump?
Owner: Are you using an American card?
Customer: Yes.
Owner: American cards don’t work at the pump.
Customer: You should put up a sign.
Owner: We did, above the card slot.
Customer: Oh. Well, I don’t read Canadian.
``````````````````````````
It’s so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
```````````````````````
I was delivering pizzas when I fell hard onto the sidewalk. Seeing me sprawled on the ground, my concerned customer yelled, "Oh, no! The pizzas!"
```````````````````````
As a salesperson, I do a lot of business over the phone. One man who called to place an order had a nice voice, so when he asked if I wanted his number, I took the opportunity to offer mine as well.
"Um," he stammered, "I was talking about my purchase-order number."
````````````````````
The waitress was refilling cups of coffee when she stopped at the table next to ours. "Regular?" she asked her customer. "Yes, thank you," said the man. "Due to a steady diet of fruit."
`````````````````````````````
Tales From the Bookstore
A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it. After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the Bible.
After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help. She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.
````````````````````````````
While we were working at a men’s clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband’s blue eyes stand out.
"Ma’am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough.
`````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I have water leaking from my eyes, and something quite different leaking from my nose.
I wish everyone a super Tuesday.
joe
