Posted By: gymcandy1
Spectacular Saturdiner - 04/22/16 11:22 PM
Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.
MUHAMMAD ALI
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I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of a national emergency—even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.
—Ronald Reagan
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If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.
Theodore Roosevelt
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Abraham Lincoln
```````````````````````
Give me a one-handed economist! All my economists say, “On the one hand … on the other.”
Harry Truman
``````````````````````````
Misadventures in headline writing from around the world:
City Unsure Why the Sewer Smells —The Herald-Palladium (St. Joseph, Michigan)
Case of Innocent Man Freed After Spending 18 Years in Prison Proves Texas System Works —Lubbock Avalanche-Journal (Texas)
British Left Waffles on Falklands —The Guardian
At Last Singer Etta James Dies —dailymail.co.uk
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Historic headlines reimagined for a social media–obsessed audience:
•1912: 6 Titanic Survivors Who Should Have Died
•1920: 17 Things That Will Be Outlawed Now That Women Can Vote
•1928: This One Weird Mold Kills All Germs
•1929: Most Embarrassing Reactions to the Stock Market Crash [GIFS]
•1948: 5 Insane Plans for Feeding West Berlin You Won’t Believe Are Real
•1969: This Is the Most Important Photo of an Astronaut You’ll See All Day
•1989: You Won’t Believe What These People Did to the Berlin Wall! [Video]
````````````````````````````
Disharmony in Washington, D.C., proved a hassle for Philadelphia’s Independence Hall in October.
A sign outside read “The Great Debates Program, ‘Is American Politics Broken?’ has been relocated due to Government Shutdown.”
```````````````````````
Disharmony in Washington, D.C., proved a hassle for Philadelphia’s Independence Hall in October.
A sign outside read “The Great Debates Program, ‘Is American Politics Broken?’ has been relocated due to Government Shutdown.”
``````````````````
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
—@RickCouchman
````````````````````````
Two Hollywood studios want to bring Lance Armstrong’s fuel-injected story to the big screen. What should they call it?
L.A. Overconfidential
There Will Be Blood Tests
Needlejuiced
Goon with the Schwin
````````````````````````````````
I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade … which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.
—Stephen Colbert
`````````````````````````
A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don’t know where I am."
"You’re at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies.
"You must be a Democrat."
"I am. How did you know?"
"Because everything you told me is technically correct, but the information is useless, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve been no help."
"You must be a Republican."
. How did you know?"
"You’ve risen to where you are due to a lot of hot air, you made a promise you couldn’t keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault."
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
I have one early day down, but another one lined up for the morrow, and I had trouble getting to sleep last night.
I got'cha lots'a jokes to keep you occupied for 20 minutes....
....10 minutes.... ....5 minutes...... 
OH SHOOT! Have a cup of coffee between each joke, and enjoy your day. 
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
MUHAMMAD ALI
`````````````````````````
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of a national emergency—even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.
—Ronald Reagan
``````````````````````
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.
Theodore Roosevelt
``````````````````````````
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Abraham Lincoln
```````````````````````
Give me a one-handed economist! All my economists say, “On the one hand … on the other.”
Harry Truman
``````````````````````````
Misadventures in headline writing from around the world:
City Unsure Why the Sewer Smells —The Herald-Palladium (St. Joseph, Michigan)
Case of Innocent Man Freed After Spending 18 Years in Prison Proves Texas System Works —Lubbock Avalanche-Journal (Texas)
British Left Waffles on Falklands —The Guardian
At Last Singer Etta James Dies —dailymail.co.uk
``````````````````````
Historic headlines reimagined for a social media–obsessed audience:
•1912: 6 Titanic Survivors Who Should Have Died
•1920: 17 Things That Will Be Outlawed Now That Women Can Vote
•1928: This One Weird Mold Kills All Germs
•1929: Most Embarrassing Reactions to the Stock Market Crash [GIFS]
•1948: 5 Insane Plans for Feeding West Berlin You Won’t Believe Are Real
•1969: This Is the Most Important Photo of an Astronaut You’ll See All Day
•1989: You Won’t Believe What These People Did to the Berlin Wall! [Video]
````````````````````````````
Disharmony in Washington, D.C., proved a hassle for Philadelphia’s Independence Hall in October.
A sign outside read “The Great Debates Program, ‘Is American Politics Broken?’ has been relocated due to Government Shutdown.”
```````````````````````
Disharmony in Washington, D.C., proved a hassle for Philadelphia’s Independence Hall in October.
A sign outside read “The Great Debates Program, ‘Is American Politics Broken?’ has been relocated due to Government Shutdown.”
``````````````````
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
—@RickCouchman
````````````````````````
Two Hollywood studios want to bring Lance Armstrong’s fuel-injected story to the big screen. What should they call it?
L.A. Overconfidential
There Will Be Blood Tests
Needlejuiced
Goon with the Schwin
````````````````````````````````
I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade … which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.
—Stephen Colbert
`````````````````````````
A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don’t know where I am."
"You’re at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies.
"You must be a Democrat."
"I am. How did you know?"
"Because everything you told me is technically correct, but the information is useless, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve been no help."
"You must be a Republican."
. How did you know?"
"You’ve risen to where you are due to a lot of hot air, you made a promise you couldn’t keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault."
```````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
I have one early day down, but another one lined up for the morrow, and I had trouble getting to sleep last night.
I got'cha lots'a jokes to keep you occupied for 20 minutes....
....10 minutes.... ....5 minutes...... OH SHOOT! Have a cup of coffee between each joke, and enjoy your day. Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Ana
Joe, Ana, Space, Haroula, Gerry, Connie and Gail!!!
