Posted By: gymcandy1
Sunday Sunshine - 05/22/16 04:38 AM
HEIDI JOYCE
Why does women’s underwear have lace and flowers all over it? You never see men’s underwear with a big wrench in the middle of it.
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"Where is Pearl Harbor?" I asked my fourth-grade history class. "Here’s a hint: It’s a place where everyone wants to go." One student blurted out, "Candy Land!"
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When my eight-year-old sister came to visit, I took a day off from my job at the Pentagon and showed her the Lincoln Memorial. There she saw a large block of text—273 words long—etched into the monument.
"What’s that?" she asked.
"Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address," I told her.
"If that’s his address, how does he get any mail?"
````````````````````````````
I picked up my nine-year-old daughter from school and asked how her day had gone. A few minutes later, I repeated the question, and again a few minutes after that. Instead of annoyed, Ariana was philosophical.
"Mom," she said, "your amnesia is my déjà vu."
```````````````````````````
I should have known better than to take my four-year-old son shopping with me. I spent the entire time in the mall chasing after him. Finally, I’d had it. "Do you want a stranger to take you?!" I scolded.
Thrilled, he yelled back, "Will he take me to the zoo?"
```````````````````````````
Our three-year-old daughter was making up a poem when she asked us what rhymed with stop.
My husband said, "Think of something that’s cool and refreshing but that Mom and I don’t let you drink."
Our daughter knew the answer: "Alcohol!"
```````````````````````````
While my three-year-old grandson was attending a birthday party, his friend’s father sneaked off to take a shower before work. Halfway through, the father heard a tapping on the shower door, followed by the sight of my grandson peering in. Looking around the stall, he asked, "Is my mom in here?"
````````````````````````````
My daughter loved the picture frame her five-year-old son bought her for Mother’s Day. She found a photograph of him and replaced the cat photo that came with it. Landon became upset: "Why are you putting a picture of me in there when I bought you a picture of a cat?"
```````````````````````````````
My 13-year-old nephew thought his "gangsta" outfit—low-riding pants and exposed boxers—made him look cool. That is, until the day his five-year-old cousin took notice. "Nathaniel," she yelled out in front of everyone. "Your panties are showing."
`````````````````````
All parents are proud of overachieving children, and one father was no exception. The bumper sticker on his car read "My Kid Made Your License Plate."
```````````````````````````````
Our friend tells everyone that he began losing his hair while serving in Vietnam. His granddaughter incorporated that information into her grade school history report on the war. She wrote, "My Grandpa went to Vietnam and got his hair shot off."
``````````````````````````
Following his motivational talk at a Weight Watchers meeting, my father noticed one client’s small son climbing onto a scale.
"Don’t go on that, Joey," warned the boy’s slightly older brother.
"It makes people cry."
```````````````````````````
Following his motivational talk at a Weight Watchers meeting, my father noticed one client’s small son climbing onto a scale.
"Don’t go on that, Joey," warned the boy’s slightly older brother.
"It makes people cry."
``````````````````````````````
We were shopping for clothes when my 13-year-old daughter spotted a hat with "Guinness" written on it. She put it on and proclaimed, "Look! I’m a genius!"
``````````````````````
My husband, a deputy district attorney, was teaching an antidrug class to a group of Cub Scouts. When he asked if anyone could list the gateway drugs, one Scout had the answer: "Cigarettes, beer, and marinara."
```````````````````````````
Our elementary school was honoring local veterans. The students were a bit intimidated and didn’t know how to approach them.
"Start by introducing yourself,"
I said. "Then ask what branch of the military they served in."
One student walked over to a vet and promptly asked, "What tree are you from?"
`````````````````````````````
I stole a couple of minutes from work to give my wife a call. She put my two-year-old son on, and we chatted a while before he ended it with an enthusiastic "I love you!"
"I love you too," I said, with a dopey grin plastered on my face. I was about to hang up when I heard him ask sweetly, "Mommy, who was that?"
`````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Yes! Sunday morning diner is here, and time for a lazy, kick back, caffeine guzzling.......
.....did I say lazy yet? THAT"S what I mean. Be too lazy to remember if I already said lazy. 
I'm virtually dying for some virtual breakfast though. How about we have a virtual pic-a-nic?
Ay BooBoo?
I've got you some eggs and toast for starters. Then, you can't have eggs without meat...... I mean seriously. We'll have some ham, bacon, and sausage. Three of my favorites. Also, I get eggstremely excited over biscuits and sausage gravy, so I've got that as well.
Now then to satisfy our sweet side.....and even more importantly our sweet Midgie, we have Blueberry pancakes floating in maple surple.
Milk, coffee, OJ, Jose Cuervo Gold Especial.......or whatever your poison happens to be, and let the pic-a-nic begin.
Sleep first, eat later.
I had eggs and bacon for supper anyway.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Why does women’s underwear have lace and flowers all over it? You never see men’s underwear with a big wrench in the middle of it.
``````````````````````````
"Where is Pearl Harbor?" I asked my fourth-grade history class. "Here’s a hint: It’s a place where everyone wants to go." One student blurted out, "Candy Land!"
``````````````````````
When my eight-year-old sister came to visit, I took a day off from my job at the Pentagon and showed her the Lincoln Memorial. There she saw a large block of text—273 words long—etched into the monument.
"What’s that?" she asked.
"Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address," I told her.
"If that’s his address, how does he get any mail?"
````````````````````````````
I picked up my nine-year-old daughter from school and asked how her day had gone. A few minutes later, I repeated the question, and again a few minutes after that. Instead of annoyed, Ariana was philosophical.
"Mom," she said, "your amnesia is my déjà vu."
```````````````````````````
I should have known better than to take my four-year-old son shopping with me. I spent the entire time in the mall chasing after him. Finally, I’d had it. "Do you want a stranger to take you?!" I scolded.
Thrilled, he yelled back, "Will he take me to the zoo?"
```````````````````````````
Our three-year-old daughter was making up a poem when she asked us what rhymed with stop.
My husband said, "Think of something that’s cool and refreshing but that Mom and I don’t let you drink."
Our daughter knew the answer: "Alcohol!"
```````````````````````````
While my three-year-old grandson was attending a birthday party, his friend’s father sneaked off to take a shower before work. Halfway through, the father heard a tapping on the shower door, followed by the sight of my grandson peering in. Looking around the stall, he asked, "Is my mom in here?"
````````````````````````````
My daughter loved the picture frame her five-year-old son bought her for Mother’s Day. She found a photograph of him and replaced the cat photo that came with it. Landon became upset: "Why are you putting a picture of me in there when I bought you a picture of a cat?"
```````````````````````````````
My 13-year-old nephew thought his "gangsta" outfit—low-riding pants and exposed boxers—made him look cool. That is, until the day his five-year-old cousin took notice. "Nathaniel," she yelled out in front of everyone. "Your panties are showing."
`````````````````````
All parents are proud of overachieving children, and one father was no exception. The bumper sticker on his car read "My Kid Made Your License Plate."
```````````````````````````````
Our friend tells everyone that he began losing his hair while serving in Vietnam. His granddaughter incorporated that information into her grade school history report on the war. She wrote, "My Grandpa went to Vietnam and got his hair shot off."
``````````````````````````
Following his motivational talk at a Weight Watchers meeting, my father noticed one client’s small son climbing onto a scale.
"Don’t go on that, Joey," warned the boy’s slightly older brother.
"It makes people cry."
```````````````````````````
Following his motivational talk at a Weight Watchers meeting, my father noticed one client’s small son climbing onto a scale.
"Don’t go on that, Joey," warned the boy’s slightly older brother.
"It makes people cry."
``````````````````````````````
We were shopping for clothes when my 13-year-old daughter spotted a hat with "Guinness" written on it. She put it on and proclaimed, "Look! I’m a genius!"
``````````````````````
My husband, a deputy district attorney, was teaching an antidrug class to a group of Cub Scouts. When he asked if anyone could list the gateway drugs, one Scout had the answer: "Cigarettes, beer, and marinara."
```````````````````````````
Our elementary school was honoring local veterans. The students were a bit intimidated and didn’t know how to approach them.
"Start by introducing yourself,"
I said. "Then ask what branch of the military they served in."
One student walked over to a vet and promptly asked, "What tree are you from?"
`````````````````````````````
I stole a couple of minutes from work to give my wife a call. She put my two-year-old son on, and we chatted a while before he ended it with an enthusiastic "I love you!"
"I love you too," I said, with a dopey grin plastered on my face. I was about to hang up when I heard him ask sweetly, "Mommy, who was that?"
`````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Yes! Sunday morning diner is here, and time for a lazy, kick back, caffeine guzzling.......
.....did I say lazy yet? THAT"S what I mean. Be too lazy to remember if I already said lazy. I'm virtually dying for some virtual breakfast though. How about we have a virtual pic-a-nic?
Ay BooBoo?I've got you some eggs and toast for starters. Then, you can't have eggs without meat...... I mean seriously. We'll have some ham, bacon, and sausage. Three of my favorites. Also, I get eggstremely excited over biscuits and sausage gravy, so I've got that as well.
Now then to satisfy our sweet side.....and even more importantly our sweet Midgie, we have Blueberry pancakes floating in maple surple.
Milk, coffee, OJ, Jose Cuervo Gold Especial.......or whatever your poison happens to be, and let the pic-a-nic begin.
Sleep first, eat later.
I had eggs and bacon for supper anyway.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
No plans except gaming and singing. 
Danish and assorted Muffins in the NC. 
