Posted By: gymcandy1
Tuesday's - 05/24/16 04:16 AM
JONAH HILL
I want to meet the man who saw a turtle and said, “People will LOVE the ninja version of that.
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Up on the screen at our local multiplex, the star whispered to his female costar, "I want you to be my mistress."
"What’s a mistress?" my eight-year-old granddaughter yelled out.
Then the man gave the woman a passionate kiss.
"Never mind," my granddaughter said.
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I love making clothes for my five-year-old granddaughter. And she, in turn, always seems happy to accept them. The other day, I asked if she would like me to make her a skirt.
"Yes," she said. "But this time, could you make it look like it came from a store?"
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The 6 a.m. regulars at the dog run are, not surprisingly, a pet-oriented group. Recently John started discussing his trip. "The flight was awful! We were delayed for a few hours, and when we finally boarded, the baby behind me didn’t stop crying for the whole flight."
Another dog run regular turned to him in surprise: "What did the owner do?"
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At my ten-year-old’s request, I loaded my Rolling Stones tunes onto his iPod.
"I had no idea you liked the Stones," I said.
"Sure. I like all that old-fashioned music," he said.
"What do you mean, ‘old-fashioned music’?"
"You know," he said defensively. "Music from the 1900s."
`````````````````````````````
"Daddy," said my 11-year-old daughter, "I think I want to join the Army."
"Baby," I answered, "I think the Air Force would be a better option for you."
"But I don’t want to be a pilot."
"You don’t have to be a pilot," I told her. "There are other jobs in the Air Force."
Her answer: "I don’t want to be a flight attendant either."
``````````````````````````
Every morning, I do a mad dash to drop off my son Tyler at day care so I can get to work on time. My impatience hit home one morning when he piped up from the back of the car, "Our car is really fast and everyone else’s is slow because they’re all idiots, right, Mom?"
`````````````````````````
My mother taught for 11 years at a day-care center. One winter afternoon she was trying to show a young boy how to zip up his coat. "The secret," Mom said, "is to get this piece of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up."
After struggling with the zipper for several minutes, the boy sighed and said, "Why does it have to be a secret?"
`````````````````````````````
Luke, our venturesome 14-month-old son, was at my mother-in-law’s house. He was playing with her car keys when the phone rang. After hanging up, my mother-in-law realized that Luke had put the keys down someplace, but she couldn’t find them anywhere. Thinking quickly, she gave him another set of keys.
As she pretended not to look, Luke toddled around the corner and into her bedroom. Then she watched as he carefully placed the second set of keys under her bed—right next to the original car keys.
````````````````````````
I had finished my Christmas shopping early and had wrapped all the presents. Having two curious children, I had to find a suitable hiding place. I chose an ideal spot—the furnace room. I stacked the presents and covered them with a blanket, positive they’d remain undiscovered.
When I went to get the gifts to put them under the tree, I lifted the blanket and there, stacked neatly on top of my gifts, were presents addressed to "Mom and Dad, From the Kids."
`````````````````````````````
When my daughter was little, we took a vacation to Florida. Seated on the airplane near the wing, I pointed out to Rhonda that we were above the ocean. "Can you see the water?" I asked her.
"No," she said, peering out the window at the wing, "but I can see the diving board."
`````````````````````````
My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone. "Hello," she whispered.
"Hi, honey. How’s your mother?" I asked.
"She’s sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper.
"Did she go to the doctor?"
"Yes. She got some medicine," my niece said softly.
"Well, don’t wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?"
Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "Practicing my trumpet."
`````````````````````````````
When my neighbor’s granddaughter introduced me to her young son, Brian, I said to him, "My grandchildren call me Mimi. Why don’t you call me that too?"
"I don’t think so," he retorted, and ran off after his mother.
Later I was asked to baby-sit for Brian, and we hit it off wonderfully. As he snuggled up to me, he said, "I don’t care what your grandchildren say. I love you, Meanie."
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Good morning everyboomie.
TGIT, and welcome to the weekend.......or, my next two days off.
Yesterday we had a bunch of rain. Buckets of rain. Today could bring more.
Either way I've got nothing to do. The creek will be too high, and too muddy today and tomorrow.
My sister called yesterday. She found a baby hawk on the road with a broken wing. I guess I'll call her and see if she was able to find anyone to care for it.
I hope she did. I'm really not very good at regurgitating my lunch in order to feed my young.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
I want to meet the man who saw a turtle and said, “People will LOVE the ninja version of that.
`````````````````````````
Up on the screen at our local multiplex, the star whispered to his female costar, "I want you to be my mistress."
"What’s a mistress?" my eight-year-old granddaughter yelled out.
Then the man gave the woman a passionate kiss.
"Never mind," my granddaughter said.
```````````````````````````
I love making clothes for my five-year-old granddaughter. And she, in turn, always seems happy to accept them. The other day, I asked if she would like me to make her a skirt.
"Yes," she said. "But this time, could you make it look like it came from a store?"
`````````````````````````````````
The 6 a.m. regulars at the dog run are, not surprisingly, a pet-oriented group. Recently John started discussing his trip. "The flight was awful! We were delayed for a few hours, and when we finally boarded, the baby behind me didn’t stop crying for the whole flight."
Another dog run regular turned to him in surprise: "What did the owner do?"
````````````````````````````
At my ten-year-old’s request, I loaded my Rolling Stones tunes onto his iPod.
"I had no idea you liked the Stones," I said.
"Sure. I like all that old-fashioned music," he said.
"What do you mean, ‘old-fashioned music’?"
"You know," he said defensively. "Music from the 1900s."
`````````````````````````````
"Daddy," said my 11-year-old daughter, "I think I want to join the Army."
"Baby," I answered, "I think the Air Force would be a better option for you."
"But I don’t want to be a pilot."
"You don’t have to be a pilot," I told her. "There are other jobs in the Air Force."
Her answer: "I don’t want to be a flight attendant either."
``````````````````````````
Every morning, I do a mad dash to drop off my son Tyler at day care so I can get to work on time. My impatience hit home one morning when he piped up from the back of the car, "Our car is really fast and everyone else’s is slow because they’re all idiots, right, Mom?"
`````````````````````````
My mother taught for 11 years at a day-care center. One winter afternoon she was trying to show a young boy how to zip up his coat. "The secret," Mom said, "is to get this piece of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up."
After struggling with the zipper for several minutes, the boy sighed and said, "Why does it have to be a secret?"
`````````````````````````````
Luke, our venturesome 14-month-old son, was at my mother-in-law’s house. He was playing with her car keys when the phone rang. After hanging up, my mother-in-law realized that Luke had put the keys down someplace, but she couldn’t find them anywhere. Thinking quickly, she gave him another set of keys.
As she pretended not to look, Luke toddled around the corner and into her bedroom. Then she watched as he carefully placed the second set of keys under her bed—right next to the original car keys.
````````````````````````
I had finished my Christmas shopping early and had wrapped all the presents. Having two curious children, I had to find a suitable hiding place. I chose an ideal spot—the furnace room. I stacked the presents and covered them with a blanket, positive they’d remain undiscovered.
When I went to get the gifts to put them under the tree, I lifted the blanket and there, stacked neatly on top of my gifts, were presents addressed to "Mom and Dad, From the Kids."
`````````````````````````````
When my daughter was little, we took a vacation to Florida. Seated on the airplane near the wing, I pointed out to Rhonda that we were above the ocean. "Can you see the water?" I asked her.
"No," she said, peering out the window at the wing, "but I can see the diving board."
`````````````````````````
My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone. "Hello," she whispered.
"Hi, honey. How’s your mother?" I asked.
"She’s sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper.
"Did she go to the doctor?"
"Yes. She got some medicine," my niece said softly.
"Well, don’t wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?"
Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "Practicing my trumpet."
`````````````````````````````
When my neighbor’s granddaughter introduced me to her young son, Brian, I said to him, "My grandchildren call me Mimi. Why don’t you call me that too?"
"I don’t think so," he retorted, and ran off after his mother.
Later I was asked to baby-sit for Brian, and we hit it off wonderfully. As he snuggled up to me, he said, "I don’t care what your grandchildren say. I love you, Meanie."
````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
TGIT, and welcome to the weekend.......or, my next two days off.
Yesterday we had a bunch of rain. Buckets of rain. Today could bring more.
Either way I've got nothing to do. The creek will be too high, and too muddy today and tomorrow.
My sister called yesterday. She found a baby hawk on the road with a broken wing. I guess I'll call her and see if she was able to find anyone to care for it.
I hope she did. I'm really not very good at regurgitating my lunch in order to feed my young.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and all. Coffee and tea are ready. Enjoy your day! 
Tell soot to look on my FB page and show you.
