Posted By: gymcandy1
Tuesday's - 06/28/16 03:34 AM
JOHN GREENLEAF WHITTIER
For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: “It might have been!”
`````````````````````
At the age of 55, I finally got my bachelor’s degree and set out to become a substitute teacher. One day, a seventh grader asked if I’d been teaching long.
“Actually, I’m brand-new,” I told him. “I just graduated.”
Looking me up and down, he asked, “How long were you in college?”
`````````````````````````````
I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.
“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?”
He said he did and thanked me.
The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is So-and-So asking us if we’re fluent in Chinese?”
``````````````````````````
I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.
“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?”
He said he did and thanked me.
The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is So-and-So asking us if we’re fluent in Chinese?”
`````````````````````````
A friend was ordering her meal at a drive-through when she noticed she could get a side dish gratis.
“And I’ll take the free wiffie also,” she said.
“What?” asked the clerk.
“The free wiffie,” she said, pointing to the sign.
“Ma’am, that’s ‘Free Wi-Fi.’ ”
``````````````````````````
Recently, I woke up to find that two of my car’s tires had been stolen. When the police officer arrived, he asked, “When were you last driving the car?”
“Last night at 11:00,” I said.
“And the tires were on it then?”
```````````````````````````````
Scene: A secondhand movie exchange …
Me: Do you have the DVD of Sharknado?
Clerk: Is that a documentary?
``````````````````````````````
When a music student brought his French horn to my shop for repair, he complained that the instrument “felt stuffy” and he couldn’t blow air through it. It’s not unusual to find partial blockages in brass instruments if small items get lodged in the tubing, but when I tested the instrument, the horn was completely blocked. After much probing and prodding, a small tangerine dropped out of the bell.
“Oh,” said the musician when I handed him the fruit. Seeing the bewildered look on my face, he explained, “My mom used the horn for a cornucopia in a Thanksgiving centerpiece.”
````````````````````````````
As I entered the elevator at our hospital, a disheveled- looking man rushed in behind me carrying a ceramic blue baby bootie filled with carnations.
I smiled knowingly and asked, “Does he look like you?”
“I hope not,” he said. “I just deliver flowers.”
````````````````````
A student seeking a job at our university was handed an application. He dutifully filled out his name and address. When it came to the entry “length of residence,” he wrote: “Approximately 30 feet.”
`````````````````````````
Recently I heard the former mayor of Reading, Pennsylvania, recount some funny stories about his time in office. One happened while he was running for reelection; he was in a bar and paid for a woman’s drink. She thanked him but wondered why a stranger had bought her a beer.
“I’m running for mayor,” he told her, “and I want your vote.”
“You got it,” she said, grabbing her glass. “Anyone’s better than the jerk who’s in there now.”
``````````````````````````
A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. “Can you tell me what kind it is?” she asked.
“Can you describe it?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said. “It’s long and thin.”
``````````````````````````
One of our interns asked another if she was planning to sign up for the company’s 401(k).
“I’m considering it,” replied the second intern.
Later, the first intern approached me looking concerned.
“I did the math,” she said, “and 401K is almost 250 miles. She’ll never make it!”
````````````````````````
I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me.
“Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said.
“Hi, Eddie,” she replied.
“So you do remember me?” I asked.
“Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.”
``````````````````````````
My three-year-old sat in the bathroom with me, watching as I removed my dentures and brushed them. After a few minutes, he asked, “Can you take your ears off too?”
```````````````````````````````
We were stocking up on green beans at the farmers’ market when we asked the young girl helping us for 15 pounds’ worth.
“I can only sell you ten pounds of beans,” she said.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because my scale only goes up to ten pounds.”
``````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
If this is Tuesday, then yesterday must have been Monday.
Sure didn't seem like one.
I took the dogs to the park in Durant in the morning. On the way home I took them to the park in Calera.
I did a whole lotta parking with my girls.
The park in Durant is on the edge of a creek, and has lots of trees and lots of shade, but it was crowded, so I had to use leashes especially on the little one. She'll take off after dogs, or squirrels.
The park in Calera, on the other hand, is open and has no shade trees at all, and rarely more than one other person walking around the track. I can let the dogs run free. It was warm though, and by the time we got home they were ready for shade, and water. Me too.
I spent most of the rest of the day inside, but around 7:00 it got dark and stormy for 5 minutes. It didn't rain any, but it cooled way down, so I went out and jumped on my 22 horses, and I mowed the lawn.
Today will be just like yesterday, but without the lawn mowing......and without going to the park in Calera......and I'll probably do a bunch of house cleaning.
Other than that it'll be a carbon copy of yesterday.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: “It might have been!”
`````````````````````
At the age of 55, I finally got my bachelor’s degree and set out to become a substitute teacher. One day, a seventh grader asked if I’d been teaching long.
“Actually, I’m brand-new,” I told him. “I just graduated.”
Looking me up and down, he asked, “How long were you in college?”
`````````````````````````````
I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.
“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?”
He said he did and thanked me.
The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is So-and-So asking us if we’re fluent in Chinese?”
``````````````````````````
I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.
“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?”
He said he did and thanked me.
The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is So-and-So asking us if we’re fluent in Chinese?”
`````````````````````````
A friend was ordering her meal at a drive-through when she noticed she could get a side dish gratis.
“And I’ll take the free wiffie also,” she said.
“What?” asked the clerk.
“The free wiffie,” she said, pointing to the sign.
“Ma’am, that’s ‘Free Wi-Fi.’ ”
``````````````````````````
Recently, I woke up to find that two of my car’s tires had been stolen. When the police officer arrived, he asked, “When were you last driving the car?”
“Last night at 11:00,” I said.
“And the tires were on it then?”
```````````````````````````````
Scene: A secondhand movie exchange …
Me: Do you have the DVD of Sharknado?
Clerk: Is that a documentary?
``````````````````````````````
When a music student brought his French horn to my shop for repair, he complained that the instrument “felt stuffy” and he couldn’t blow air through it. It’s not unusual to find partial blockages in brass instruments if small items get lodged in the tubing, but when I tested the instrument, the horn was completely blocked. After much probing and prodding, a small tangerine dropped out of the bell.
“Oh,” said the musician when I handed him the fruit. Seeing the bewildered look on my face, he explained, “My mom used the horn for a cornucopia in a Thanksgiving centerpiece.”
````````````````````````````
As I entered the elevator at our hospital, a disheveled- looking man rushed in behind me carrying a ceramic blue baby bootie filled with carnations.
I smiled knowingly and asked, “Does he look like you?”
“I hope not,” he said. “I just deliver flowers.”
````````````````````
A student seeking a job at our university was handed an application. He dutifully filled out his name and address. When it came to the entry “length of residence,” he wrote: “Approximately 30 feet.”
`````````````````````````
Recently I heard the former mayor of Reading, Pennsylvania, recount some funny stories about his time in office. One happened while he was running for reelection; he was in a bar and paid for a woman’s drink. She thanked him but wondered why a stranger had bought her a beer.
“I’m running for mayor,” he told her, “and I want your vote.”
“You got it,” she said, grabbing her glass. “Anyone’s better than the jerk who’s in there now.”
``````````````````````````
A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. “Can you tell me what kind it is?” she asked.
“Can you describe it?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said. “It’s long and thin.”
``````````````````````````
One of our interns asked another if she was planning to sign up for the company’s 401(k).
“I’m considering it,” replied the second intern.
Later, the first intern approached me looking concerned.
“I did the math,” she said, “and 401K is almost 250 miles. She’ll never make it!”
````````````````````````
I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me.
“Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said.
“Hi, Eddie,” she replied.
“So you do remember me?” I asked.
“Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.”
``````````````````````````
My three-year-old sat in the bathroom with me, watching as I removed my dentures and brushed them. After a few minutes, he asked, “Can you take your ears off too?”
```````````````````````````````
We were stocking up on green beans at the farmers’ market when we asked the young girl helping us for 15 pounds’ worth.
“I can only sell you ten pounds of beans,” she said.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because my scale only goes up to ten pounds.”
``````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
If this is Tuesday, then yesterday must have been Monday.
Sure didn't seem like one.
I took the dogs to the park in Durant in the morning. On the way home I took them to the park in Calera.
I did a whole lotta parking with my girls.
The park in Durant is on the edge of a creek, and has lots of trees and lots of shade, but it was crowded, so I had to use leashes especially on the little one. She'll take off after dogs, or squirrels.
The park in Calera, on the other hand, is open and has no shade trees at all, and rarely more than one other person walking around the track. I can let the dogs run free. It was warm though, and by the time we got home they were ready for shade, and water. Me too.
I spent most of the rest of the day inside, but around 7:00 it got dark and stormy for 5 minutes. It didn't rain any, but it cooled way down, so I went out and jumped on my 22 horses, and I mowed the lawn.
Today will be just like yesterday, but without the lawn mowing......and without going to the park in Calera......and I'll probably do a bunch of house cleaning.
Other than that it'll be a carbon copy of yesterday.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
I hope today goes equally as well, Joe! 
GoodMorning Joe, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready. Have a great day Boomers! 
I'll just help myself to some BB pancakes. Yum.
Ana. You rock! 