Posted By: gymcandy1
Joe's Hump Day - 07/13/16 03:58 AM
TENNEVA JORDAN
A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.
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A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”
“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.
“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”
````````````````````````````````
I’ve been working on my PhD in engineering for the past five years, but my kids don’t necessarily see that as work.
As we were driving past Walmart one day, my son spotted a Now Hiring sign and suggested that I could get a job there.
Hoping to make a point, I asked, “Do you think they’re looking for an engineer?”
“Oh, sure,” he said. “They’ll hire anybody.”
`````````````````````````````````
I guess this is what happens after you’ve worked at the same place for a while. I was eating at a fast-food restaurant when an employee began his shift by walking into the kitchen area and calling out, “Honey, I’m home!”
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Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could be made about this bust:
Golden Girls, Interrupted
The Lavender Hair Mob
Indicting Miss Daisy
No Country for Old Women
The Social Security Network
````````````````````````````
As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly …”
She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”
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“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
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“Come Out With Your Pants Up!”
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
—Jerry Seinfeld
```````````````````````````````
The Time Traveling Soldier
When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The soldier remarked, “How long was I in there for?”
```````````````````````````````
After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
“I thought you were a ghost,” says the relieved teen. “What are you doing working so late?”
“Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man. “They misspelled my name!”
``````````````````````````````
"You Need a Shorter Password."
While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.
“It’s taped under the modem,” I told him.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”
````````````````````````````
In the hardware store, a clerk asked, “Can I help you find anything?”
“How about my misspent youth,” joked my husband.
The clerk shot back, “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”
```````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Tuesday was hot hot hot, and I took the dogs to the park in the morning, and then came back and mowed the lawn inside the fence.
After that I trimmed with my weedeater until my weedeater lost it's appetite, and I lost my cool.
I was able to last longer because the wind was blowing pretty good. I hope Wednesday is windy too. I need to finish mowing outside the fence.
I'd better go rest up for that.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.
```````````````````````
A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”
“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.
“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”
````````````````````````````````
I’ve been working on my PhD in engineering for the past five years, but my kids don’t necessarily see that as work.
As we were driving past Walmart one day, my son spotted a Now Hiring sign and suggested that I could get a job there.
Hoping to make a point, I asked, “Do you think they’re looking for an engineer?”
“Oh, sure,” he said. “They’ll hire anybody.”
`````````````````````````````````
I guess this is what happens after you’ve worked at the same place for a while. I was eating at a fast-food restaurant when an employee began his shift by walking into the kitchen area and calling out, “Honey, I’m home!”
```````````````````````````````
Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could be made about this bust:
Golden Girls, Interrupted
The Lavender Hair Mob
Indicting Miss Daisy
No Country for Old Women
The Social Security Network
````````````````````````````
As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly …”
She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”
```````````````````````````````````
“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
``````````````````````````````````
“Come Out With Your Pants Up!”
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
—Jerry Seinfeld
```````````````````````````````
The Time Traveling Soldier
When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The soldier remarked, “How long was I in there for?”
```````````````````````````````
After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
“I thought you were a ghost,” says the relieved teen. “What are you doing working so late?”
“Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man. “They misspelled my name!”
``````````````````````````````
"You Need a Shorter Password."
While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.
“It’s taped under the modem,” I told him.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”
````````````````````````````
In the hardware store, a clerk asked, “Can I help you find anything?”
“How about my misspent youth,” joked my husband.
The clerk shot back, “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”
```````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Tuesday was hot hot hot, and I took the dogs to the park in the morning, and then came back and mowed the lawn inside the fence.
After that I trimmed with my weedeater until my weedeater lost it's appetite, and I lost my cool.
I was able to last longer because the wind was blowing pretty good. I hope Wednesday is windy too. I need to finish mowing outside the fence.
I'd better go rest up for that.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
last day of work? 
Good Morning Joe, MaG, Ana and everyone.Joe hope it cools down! MaG enjoy your day. Ana have fun ziplining! Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a wonderful day! 
So it will definitely be a day of singing and gaming for me. 
I have to be legal Gail?? 
Which means I'll have to get up at 3 am instead of 4. I think I'm going to have to teach the cats to drive. 
