Posted By: gymcandy1
Tuesday's - 07/26/16 02:31 AM
He has great tranquility of heart who cares neither for the praises nor the fault-finding of men.
HONORÉ DE BALZAC
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These excuses were on accident claim forms of a major insurance company. Clients were asked for a brief statement describing their particular car accident, and this is what they wrote.
1. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
2. I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it.
3. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
4. The guy was all over the place. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
5. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
6. The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
7. I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
8. I was on my way to the doctor’s with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
9. As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
10. The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.
11. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
12. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
13. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.
14. When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
15. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.
16. I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
17. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
18. The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
``````````````````````````````
And Slogan Mis-translations from American Advertising Compaigns in Other Countries and languages
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan
Come alive with the Pepsi Generation
came out in Chinese as Pepsi will bring your
ancestors back from the grave.
When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you. However, the company mistakenly thought the Spanish word embarazar meant embarrass.
Instead the ads said:
It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.
Frank Perdue’s slogan It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken sounds much more interesting in Spanish. A photo of Perdue with one of his chickens appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained:
It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused (or)
It takes a sexually stimulated man to
make a chicken affectionate.
Coors translated its slogan, Turn it loose, into Spanish, where it was read as Suffer from diarrhea.
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign:
Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.
When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery,
Fly in leather, it came out in Spanish as Fly naked.
The Microsoft ad slogan, as translated into Japanese:
If you don’t know where you want to go,
we’ll make sure you get taken.
Clairol introduced the Mist Stick, a curling iron, into Germanonly to find out that Mist is slang for (to put it delicately) manure. Not too many people had use for the Manure Stick. This is the reason why Rolls Royce decided not to call one of its models the Silver Mist – for fear of lost sales in the German-speaking world.
When Chevrolet developed the Chevy Nova, they decided to market it heavily in Mexico, where the name translates as doesn’t go. The car was later renamed Caribe.
Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for tiny male genitals. Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as something that when pronounced sounded like Coca-Cola: Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the characters used meant bite the wax tadpole or female horse stuffed with wax, depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, Ko-kou-ko-le, which can be loosely translated as happiness in the mouth.
The Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan finger-lickin’ good came out in KFC’s first Chinese campaign as eat your fingers off.
An American tee-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market, promoting the Pope’s visit. Instead of the desired I saw the Pope! (el Papa) Thousands of shirts proudly proclaimed in Spanish I saw the Potato! (la Papa).
Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means big breasts. But in this case, the name problem did not seem to have a negative effect on sales.
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in Francecalled Cue, the name of a notorious porn magazine. We know sex sells, but that might have been going a bit too far. Even for France, famous for having a more liberal attitude towards sex, nude pictures in advertising, etc.
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.
When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside, since many people can’t read English.
``````````````````````````
Here are some funny resume mistakes:
“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
“Education: College, August 1880- May 1984.”
“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”
“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”
“I’m a rabid typist.”
“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”
Reasons for Leaving your Previous Job:
“Responsibility makes me nervous.”
“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”
“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
“The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”
Personal Qualities
“I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”
“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
“Number of dependents: 40.”
“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”
“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award”
`````````````````````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Today is, 'use the most inappropriate smiley day.'
I think that I may be a natural at it.
Today is also Tuesday, the day after yesterday, the day before tomorrow, a week from last Tuesday, someone's birthday, first day of the future, and the 12th day of my retirement.........as well as a lot of other things.
Whatever today is for you, I hope it's also a happy one.
joe
HONORÉ DE BALZAC
```````````````````````````
These excuses were on accident claim forms of a major insurance company. Clients were asked for a brief statement describing their particular car accident, and this is what they wrote.
1. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
2. I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it.
3. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
4. The guy was all over the place. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
5. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
6. The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
7. I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
8. I was on my way to the doctor’s with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
9. As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
10. The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.
11. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
12. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
13. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.
14. When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
15. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.
16. I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
17. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
18. The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
``````````````````````````````
And Slogan Mis-translations from American Advertising Compaigns in Other Countries and languages
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan
Come alive with the Pepsi Generation
came out in Chinese as Pepsi will bring your
ancestors back from the grave.
When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you. However, the company mistakenly thought the Spanish word embarazar meant embarrass.
Instead the ads said:
It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.
Frank Perdue’s slogan It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken sounds much more interesting in Spanish. A photo of Perdue with one of his chickens appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained:
It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused (or)
It takes a sexually stimulated man to
make a chicken affectionate.
Coors translated its slogan, Turn it loose, into Spanish, where it was read as Suffer from diarrhea.
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign:
Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.
When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery,
Fly in leather, it came out in Spanish as Fly naked.
The Microsoft ad slogan, as translated into Japanese:
If you don’t know where you want to go,
we’ll make sure you get taken.
Clairol introduced the Mist Stick, a curling iron, into Germanonly to find out that Mist is slang for (to put it delicately) manure. Not too many people had use for the Manure Stick. This is the reason why Rolls Royce decided not to call one of its models the Silver Mist – for fear of lost sales in the German-speaking world.
When Chevrolet developed the Chevy Nova, they decided to market it heavily in Mexico, where the name translates as doesn’t go. The car was later renamed Caribe.
Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for tiny male genitals. Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as something that when pronounced sounded like Coca-Cola: Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the characters used meant bite the wax tadpole or female horse stuffed with wax, depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, Ko-kou-ko-le, which can be loosely translated as happiness in the mouth.
The Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan finger-lickin’ good came out in KFC’s first Chinese campaign as eat your fingers off.
An American tee-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market, promoting the Pope’s visit. Instead of the desired I saw the Pope! (el Papa) Thousands of shirts proudly proclaimed in Spanish I saw the Potato! (la Papa).
Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means big breasts. But in this case, the name problem did not seem to have a negative effect on sales.
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in Francecalled Cue, the name of a notorious porn magazine. We know sex sells, but that might have been going a bit too far. Even for France, famous for having a more liberal attitude towards sex, nude pictures in advertising, etc.
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.
When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside, since many people can’t read English.
``````````````````````````
Here are some funny resume mistakes:
“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
“Education: College, August 1880- May 1984.”
“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”
“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”
“I’m a rabid typist.”
“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”
Reasons for Leaving your Previous Job:
“Responsibility makes me nervous.”
“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”
“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
“The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”
Personal Qualities
“I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”
“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
“Number of dependents: 40.”
“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”
“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award”
`````````````````````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Today is, 'use the most inappropriate smiley day.'
I think that I may be a natural at it.
Today is also Tuesday, the day after yesterday, the day before tomorrow, a week from last Tuesday, someone's birthday, first day of the future, and the 12th day of my retirement.........as well as a lot of other things.
Whatever today is for you, I hope it's also a happy one.
joe
. Hope you have a terrific Tuesday and 12th day of retirement. 
On my way now. 
. Diner and karaoke at the Panda tonight. 
danish, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. 
Joe hope Missy's leg gets to feeling better soonest!! Thanks for the chuckles and Have a lovely day!
