Posted By: gymcandy1
TGIF - 08/05/16 02:43 AM
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
HENRY S. HASKINS
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Impossible Questions
Preparing my son for his first day of kindergarten, we were reviewing numbers and counting. Suddenly he asked, "What is the biggest number in the world?"
As briefly as possible, I tried to explain the concept of infinity. I thought I had done pretty well, but then he said, "Dad, what number comes just before infinity?"
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Understanding the Message
During weekly visits to my allergist, I’ve noticed a lot of inattentive parents with ill-behaved children in the waiting room. So I was impressed one day to see a mother with her little boy, helping him sound out the words on a sign.
Finally he mastered it and his mother cheered, "That’s great! Now sit there. I’ll be back in 15 minutes."
What did the sign say? "Children must not be left unattended."
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Young Competitor
As a professor at Texas A&M, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around nine, however, calling up the strategy game Warcraft on the Internet and playing with an online team.
One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed opponent after opponent, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed.
"How old are you?" I typed.
"Twelve," he replied. "How old are you?"
Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Eight."
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Fruity Fragrance
After years of using the same perfumes, I decided to try something different and settled on a light, citrusy fragrance. The next day I was surprised when it was my little boy, not my husband, who first noticed the change. As he put his arms around me, he declared, "Wow, Mom, you smell just like Froot Loops!"
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Jail Time
My older son loves school, but his younger brother absolutely hates it. One weekend he cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday. Sunday morning on the way home from church, the crying and whining built to a crescendo. At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, "Honey, it’s a law. If you don’t go to school, they’ll put Mommy in jail."
He looked at me, thought a moment, then asked, "How long would you have to stay?"
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Sick Day
My son, age 13, was sick in bed with bronchitis, and although he showed some general improvement, his harsh cough persisted and could be heard all over the house. Worried, too, that he was missing so much school, I went into his room to see how he felt.
There he was, propped up in bed, earphones on, listening to a baseball game—while the tape recorder coughed on and on. The next morning he was in school.
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Trouble Focusing
Nothing seems to dim my 13-year-old son’s sense of humor. And he’s certainly not above being the butt of his own joke. Shortly after he was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADD), he threw this at me: "Hey Dad—how many ADD children does it take to change a light bulb?"
"I give up," I said.
"Let’s go ride our bikes."
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Virtual Perspective
I overheard my nine-year-old son on the phone with a friend discussing a computer simulation game. The game involved creating a family, a house for them to live in, and so on. My son, an old hand at the game, gave this warning: "Whatever you do, don’t get kids. They don’t bring in any money, and all they do is eat."
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's still 95 degrees here at 8:30, or so it says on Weather Channel.
The next 4 days are 100/101/100/102, and then it gets hot.
One things for certain, it ain't because "my future's so bright".
On the 31st of August, my sister's 63rd birthday, we get all the way down to 88 degrees, for the first time since my 28th birthday. Well it seems that long.
Thank God for this weather though because, I didn't have anything else to talk about.
Now, what to talk about tomorrow.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
HENRY S. HASKINS
`````````````````
Impossible Questions
Preparing my son for his first day of kindergarten, we were reviewing numbers and counting. Suddenly he asked, "What is the biggest number in the world?"
As briefly as possible, I tried to explain the concept of infinity. I thought I had done pretty well, but then he said, "Dad, what number comes just before infinity?"
``````````````````````
Understanding the Message
During weekly visits to my allergist, I’ve noticed a lot of inattentive parents with ill-behaved children in the waiting room. So I was impressed one day to see a mother with her little boy, helping him sound out the words on a sign.
Finally he mastered it and his mother cheered, "That’s great! Now sit there. I’ll be back in 15 minutes."
What did the sign say? "Children must not be left unattended."
`````````````````````````````
Young Competitor
As a professor at Texas A&M, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around nine, however, calling up the strategy game Warcraft on the Internet and playing with an online team.
One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed opponent after opponent, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed.
"How old are you?" I typed.
"Twelve," he replied. "How old are you?"
Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Eight."
`````````````````````````
Fruity Fragrance
After years of using the same perfumes, I decided to try something different and settled on a light, citrusy fragrance. The next day I was surprised when it was my little boy, not my husband, who first noticed the change. As he put his arms around me, he declared, "Wow, Mom, you smell just like Froot Loops!"
```````````````````````````
Jail Time
My older son loves school, but his younger brother absolutely hates it. One weekend he cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday. Sunday morning on the way home from church, the crying and whining built to a crescendo. At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, "Honey, it’s a law. If you don’t go to school, they’ll put Mommy in jail."
He looked at me, thought a moment, then asked, "How long would you have to stay?"
`````````````````````````
Sick Day
My son, age 13, was sick in bed with bronchitis, and although he showed some general improvement, his harsh cough persisted and could be heard all over the house. Worried, too, that he was missing so much school, I went into his room to see how he felt.
There he was, propped up in bed, earphones on, listening to a baseball game—while the tape recorder coughed on and on. The next morning he was in school.
```````````````````````````
Trouble Focusing
Nothing seems to dim my 13-year-old son’s sense of humor. And he’s certainly not above being the butt of his own joke. Shortly after he was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADD), he threw this at me: "Hey Dad—how many ADD children does it take to change a light bulb?"
"I give up," I said.
"Let’s go ride our bikes."
````````````````````````````
Virtual Perspective
I overheard my nine-year-old son on the phone with a friend discussing a computer simulation game. The game involved creating a family, a house for them to live in, and so on. My son, an old hand at the game, gave this warning: "Whatever you do, don’t get kids. They don’t bring in any money, and all they do is eat."
````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
It's still 95 degrees here at 8:30, or so it says on Weather Channel.
The next 4 days are 100/101/100/102, and then it gets hot.
One things for certain, it ain't because "my future's so bright".
On the 31st of August, my sister's 63rd birthday, we get all the way down to 88 degrees, for the first time since my 28th birthday. Well it seems that long.
Thank God for this weather though because, I didn't have anything else to talk about.
Now, what to talk about tomorrow.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Rah Rah!
Glad she didn't get anything.
