Posted By: gymcandy1
Mega Monday - 08/08/16 02:49 AM
If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.
NAPOLEON HILL
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Interviewing a college applicant, the dean of admissions asks, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The student thinks it over, then answers, "The living one."
```````````````````
Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with i.
Millie: I is …
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say, "I am."
Millie: Okay, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
``````````````````````````
An e-mail from our school principal: "The Miss BHS Beauty Pageant has been moved to Friday night instead of Saturday because of the contestants involved in the hog show."
```````````````````
When a nosy fourth-grade student wanted the scoop on what another teacher and I were discussing in private, I decided it was time for an impromptu lesson in manners.
"Do you know what ‘minding your own business’ means?" I asked pointedly.
He didn’t, but a student clear across the room shouted, "I do!"
`````````````````````````
Flummoxed by his true-false final exam, a student decides to toss a coin up in the air. Heads means true; tails, false. Thirty minutes later, he’s done, well before the rest of the class. But then the student starts flipping the coin again. And soon he’s swearing and sweating over each question.
"What’s wrong?" asks the concerned teacher.
"I’m rechecking my answers," says says the student.
``````````````````````
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don’t want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!"
```````````````````
I was a percussion major when I was in college, and during a rehearsal of the student orchestra, my section kept making mistakes.
"When you’re too dumb to play anything," the professor conducting us sneered, "they give you a couple of sticks, put you in the back and call you a percussionist."
A friend next to me whispered, "And if you’re too dumb to hang on to both sticks, they put you in the front and call you a conductor."
```````````````````````
I was teaching a life-skills class to my high school students one day, and we were discussing the various terms one might encounter in a restaurant. I asked, "What does the phrase ‘à la carte’ mean?" "It means," a student said, "you’re in the wrong restaurant."
````````````````````
After his first day back at school in the fall, I asked my son if the high-school students were wearing anything new. "Well," he replied, "a lot of the fellows are showing up in see-through mustaches."
````````````````````
The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library. So when my husband’s co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks looking confused, she asked how she could help. "I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.
"Which one?" she asked.
He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."
````````````````````````
We live less than a quarter-mile from the high school, but my son proudly drove there in a car he bought with his own money. A typical first car, it had lots of little problems and was sometimes slow to start.
One morning I was surprised to see it still in front of the house, so after school I asked him about it. "I had to get to school early," he said, "so I just ran."
`````````````````````````
Good Booming everymornie.
I'm kinda deeling fyslexic this morning.
I think it has something to do with my dream last night. Everybody in it spoke Pig Latin.
Everybody but me. I spoke Swahili.
My dogs looked at me in confusion this morning when I said, "Let's go to the park" in Swahili, so we didn't go.
In my dream, a beautiful woman said something to me in Pig Latin, and then she smiled and winked at me and went into my bedroom.
Since I only spoke Swahili, I'm still trying to figure out what she said.
How do you say 'have a happy day' in Pig Latin?
joe
NAPOLEON HILL
``````````````````````
Interviewing a college applicant, the dean of admissions asks, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The student thinks it over, then answers, "The living one."
```````````````````
Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with i.
Millie: I is …
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say, "I am."
Millie: Okay, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
``````````````````````````
An e-mail from our school principal: "The Miss BHS Beauty Pageant has been moved to Friday night instead of Saturday because of the contestants involved in the hog show."
```````````````````
When a nosy fourth-grade student wanted the scoop on what another teacher and I were discussing in private, I decided it was time for an impromptu lesson in manners.
"Do you know what ‘minding your own business’ means?" I asked pointedly.
He didn’t, but a student clear across the room shouted, "I do!"
`````````````````````````
Flummoxed by his true-false final exam, a student decides to toss a coin up in the air. Heads means true; tails, false. Thirty minutes later, he’s done, well before the rest of the class. But then the student starts flipping the coin again. And soon he’s swearing and sweating over each question.
"What’s wrong?" asks the concerned teacher.
"I’m rechecking my answers," says says the student.
``````````````````````
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don’t want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!"
```````````````````
I was a percussion major when I was in college, and during a rehearsal of the student orchestra, my section kept making mistakes.
"When you’re too dumb to play anything," the professor conducting us sneered, "they give you a couple of sticks, put you in the back and call you a percussionist."
A friend next to me whispered, "And if you’re too dumb to hang on to both sticks, they put you in the front and call you a conductor."
```````````````````````
I was teaching a life-skills class to my high school students one day, and we were discussing the various terms one might encounter in a restaurant. I asked, "What does the phrase ‘à la carte’ mean?" "It means," a student said, "you’re in the wrong restaurant."
````````````````````
After his first day back at school in the fall, I asked my son if the high-school students were wearing anything new. "Well," he replied, "a lot of the fellows are showing up in see-through mustaches."
````````````````````
The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library. So when my husband’s co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks looking confused, she asked how she could help. "I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.
"Which one?" she asked.
He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."
````````````````````````
We live less than a quarter-mile from the high school, but my son proudly drove there in a car he bought with his own money. A typical first car, it had lots of little problems and was sometimes slow to start.
One morning I was surprised to see it still in front of the house, so after school I asked him about it. "I had to get to school early," he said, "so I just ran."
`````````````````````````
Good Booming everymornie.
I'm kinda deeling fyslexic this morning.
I think it has something to do with my dream last night. Everybody in it spoke Pig Latin.
Everybody but me. I spoke Swahili.
My dogs looked at me in confusion this morning when I said, "Let's go to the park" in Swahili, so we didn't go.
In my dream, a beautiful woman said something to me in Pig Latin, and then she smiled and winked at me and went into my bedroom.
Since I only spoke Swahili, I'm still trying to figure out what she said.
How do you say 'have a happy day' in Pig Latin?
joe
- so it's another day of singing and gaming for me. 
Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Mega Monday is 
