Posted By: gymcandy1
Monday - 09/19/16 02:25 AM
Train people well enough so they can leave, treat them well enough so they don’t want to.
RICHARD BRANSON
```````````````
My wife was in her gynecologist’s busy waiting room when a cell phone rang. A woman answered it, and for the next few minutes, she explained to her caller in intimate detail her symptoms and what she suspected might be wrong.
Suddenly the conversation shifted, and the woman said, "Him? That’s over." Then she added, "Can we talk about this later? It’s rather personal, and I’m in a room full of people."
`````````````````
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet—who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked if his wife was meeting him. "I don’t know," he said. "She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
```````````````
Doctors are used to getting calls at any hour. One night a man phoned, waking me up. "I’m sorry to bother you so late," he said, "but I think my wife has appendicitis."
Still half asleep, I reminded him that I had taken his wife’s inflamed appendix out a couple of years before. "Whoever heard of a second appendix?" I asked.
"You may not have heard of a second appendix," he replied, "but surely you’ve heard of a second wife."
````````````
Sign above the scale in a Mission Hills, Calif., doctor’s office:
"Pretend it’s your I.Q."
````````````````````
I am an oral surgeon, and once I was scheduled to extract four wisdom teeth from Jim, a high-school football player, who had opted to be sedated for the procedure. As the intravenous anesthesia was being administered, I asked Jim how he was feeling.
"Man," he replied, struggling to keep his eyes open, "I feel like I’m in English class."
````````````
I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor told me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn’t speak. The nurse put down the form, took my hands in hers and said, "Don’t worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it’s not a dangerous procedure."
"You’re right. I’m being silly," I said, feeling relieved. "Please continue."
"Good. Now," the nurse went on, "do you have a living will?"
```````````````````
Each new patient at the clinic where I work must fill out a questionnaire asking basic health and personal-history questions. One query that inevitably gets a "No" answer is, "Do you now use or have you ever used recreational drugs?"
We were unprepared for the response of a young newlywed who wrote: "Yes—birth-control pills."
`````````````````
Unfortunately, we humans don’t come equipped with delete buttons for our mouths. My friend and his rock band were playing a concert at the psychiatric hospital where he worked as a musical therapist. The audience was a little too quiet for his taste, so the guitarist decided to do something about it. He grabbed the microphone, pointed to the group and yelled, “Are you ready to get a little crazy?”
```````````````
At the busy dental office where I work, one patient was always late. Once when I called to confirm an appointment, he said, “I’ll be about 15 minutes late. That won’t be a problem, will it?”
“No,” I told him. “We just won’t have time to give you an anesthetic.”
He arrived early.
``````````````
I was on duty as an emergency-room technician when a father brought in his son, who had poked a tire from one of his toy trucks up his nose. The man was embarrassed, but I assured him this was something kids often do. I quickly removed the tire and they were on their way. A few minutes later, the father was back in the ER asking to talk to me in private.
Mystified, I led him to an examining room. "While we were on our way home," he began, "I was looking at that little tire and wondering, how on earth did my son get this thing stuck up his nose and…"
It took just a few seconds to get the tire out of Dad’s nose.
```````````````
As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is a pretty whale," I commented.
With a smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."
```````````````````
It was an unusually hectic evening at the emergency clinic where I work. The doctor on duty was simultaneously bombarded with questions, given forms to sign, and even asked for his dinner order.
I was in the next room, cleaning up a newly sutured wound, when I realized he hadn’t given instructions for a bandage. I poked my head out the door and asked, "What kind of dressing do you want on that?"
"Ranch," he replied.
```````````````````
Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on those clipboards attached to the foot of the bed? Here are some incredible comments taken from hospital charts:
"The patient refused autopsy."
"The patient has no previous history of suicides."
"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
"She is numb from her toes down."
"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."
"Discharge status: Alive but without my permission."
`````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Another weekend has come and gone.
Actually I did more this last weekend than in the last week.
My house is blinded now.
See what I did there?
I kill me.
I'd better go lay down.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
RICHARD BRANSON
```````````````
My wife was in her gynecologist’s busy waiting room when a cell phone rang. A woman answered it, and for the next few minutes, she explained to her caller in intimate detail her symptoms and what she suspected might be wrong.
Suddenly the conversation shifted, and the woman said, "Him? That’s over." Then she added, "Can we talk about this later? It’s rather personal, and I’m in a room full of people."
`````````````````
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet—who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked if his wife was meeting him. "I don’t know," he said. "She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
```````````````
Doctors are used to getting calls at any hour. One night a man phoned, waking me up. "I’m sorry to bother you so late," he said, "but I think my wife has appendicitis."
Still half asleep, I reminded him that I had taken his wife’s inflamed appendix out a couple of years before. "Whoever heard of a second appendix?" I asked.
"You may not have heard of a second appendix," he replied, "but surely you’ve heard of a second wife."
````````````
Sign above the scale in a Mission Hills, Calif., doctor’s office:
"Pretend it’s your I.Q."
````````````````````
I am an oral surgeon, and once I was scheduled to extract four wisdom teeth from Jim, a high-school football player, who had opted to be sedated for the procedure. As the intravenous anesthesia was being administered, I asked Jim how he was feeling.
"Man," he replied, struggling to keep his eyes open, "I feel like I’m in English class."
````````````
I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor told me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn’t speak. The nurse put down the form, took my hands in hers and said, "Don’t worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it’s not a dangerous procedure."
"You’re right. I’m being silly," I said, feeling relieved. "Please continue."
"Good. Now," the nurse went on, "do you have a living will?"
```````````````````
Each new patient at the clinic where I work must fill out a questionnaire asking basic health and personal-history questions. One query that inevitably gets a "No" answer is, "Do you now use or have you ever used recreational drugs?"
We were unprepared for the response of a young newlywed who wrote: "Yes—birth-control pills."
`````````````````
Unfortunately, we humans don’t come equipped with delete buttons for our mouths. My friend and his rock band were playing a concert at the psychiatric hospital where he worked as a musical therapist. The audience was a little too quiet for his taste, so the guitarist decided to do something about it. He grabbed the microphone, pointed to the group and yelled, “Are you ready to get a little crazy?”
```````````````
At the busy dental office where I work, one patient was always late. Once when I called to confirm an appointment, he said, “I’ll be about 15 minutes late. That won’t be a problem, will it?”
“No,” I told him. “We just won’t have time to give you an anesthetic.”
He arrived early.
``````````````
I was on duty as an emergency-room technician when a father brought in his son, who had poked a tire from one of his toy trucks up his nose. The man was embarrassed, but I assured him this was something kids often do. I quickly removed the tire and they were on their way. A few minutes later, the father was back in the ER asking to talk to me in private.
Mystified, I led him to an examining room. "While we were on our way home," he began, "I was looking at that little tire and wondering, how on earth did my son get this thing stuck up his nose and…"
It took just a few seconds to get the tire out of Dad’s nose.
```````````````
As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is a pretty whale," I commented.
With a smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."
```````````````````
It was an unusually hectic evening at the emergency clinic where I work. The doctor on duty was simultaneously bombarded with questions, given forms to sign, and even asked for his dinner order.
I was in the next room, cleaning up a newly sutured wound, when I realized he hadn’t given instructions for a bandage. I poked my head out the door and asked, "What kind of dressing do you want on that?"
"Ranch," he replied.
```````````````````
Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on those clipboards attached to the foot of the bed? Here are some incredible comments taken from hospital charts:
"The patient refused autopsy."
"The patient has no previous history of suicides."
"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
"She is numb from her toes down."
"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."
"Discharge status: Alive but without my permission."
`````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Another weekend has come and gone.
Actually I did more this last weekend than in the last week.
My house is blinded now.
See what I did there?
I kill me.
I'd better go lay down.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Joe. Now you can run around the house in your birthday suit! 
Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Coffee and tea are ready. Enjoy your day! 
Have fun at the park. 
