Posted By: gymcandy1
Thump Day - 10/27/16 01:13 AM
My dream is of a place and a time where America will once again be seen as the last best hope of earth.
Abraham Lincoln
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TOP 10 SIGNS SOMEONE PLAYS TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES
10. They ask for all their money in quarters.
9. They're not sure what season, or year it is.
8. They're best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends).
7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards.
6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams.
5. Their fingers twitch all the time.
4. When they are sick at home the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right.
3. They can play 2 player games by themselves.
2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name.
1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can not be bothered.
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TOP TEN SONG TITLES ON THE POPE'S NEW ALBUM
10. Girls Just Want To Be Nuns
9. Wind Beneath My Vestments
8. Pretty Fly (For A Celibate Guy)
7. A Whiter Shade Of Robe
6. Exactly Like A Virgin
5. Sistine Candles
4. Take This Job And Read It
3. Gettin' Popey Wit It
2. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On Me
1. Papa's Got A Brand New Encyclical
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TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER
10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
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TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX.....
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you so me.
6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.
1. You can do the whole neighborhood.
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Top Ten Signs You Know You've Joined A Redneck HMO...
10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape.
9. The only 100% covered expense is embalming.
8. Your Prozac comes in colors and has little "m"s on each pill.
7. Preventive Care Coverage includes "an apple a day".
6. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
5. The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy.
4. The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter.
3. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
2. Directions to the Dr.'s office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park".
1. The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter's
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Good morning everyboomie.
Happy Thursday for all I'm sure, but as Wednesday's sun went down, my blood pressure went up.
Severe storms, with hail possible, is not something one wants to hear when one just got a new truck........and has no garage.
Therefore I'm taking up a 'garage collection'. Whatever you can spare.
I don't need spare tires though.
Fortunately the severe part of the storms passed us bye on either side. WHEW!
It did get rained on though, so I'm going to have to got out and wipe all of those spots off now.
Gotta go now. The Cowboys are on the move, and about to score again.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Abraham Lincoln
```````````````````
TOP 10 SIGNS SOMEONE PLAYS TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES
10. They ask for all their money in quarters.
9. They're not sure what season, or year it is.
8. They're best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends).
7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards.
6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams.
5. Their fingers twitch all the time.
4. When they are sick at home the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right.
3. They can play 2 player games by themselves.
2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name.
1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can not be bothered.
````````````````
TOP TEN SONG TITLES ON THE POPE'S NEW ALBUM
10. Girls Just Want To Be Nuns
9. Wind Beneath My Vestments
8. Pretty Fly (For A Celibate Guy)
7. A Whiter Shade Of Robe
6. Exactly Like A Virgin
5. Sistine Candles
4. Take This Job And Read It
3. Gettin' Popey Wit It
2. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On Me
1. Papa's Got A Brand New Encyclical
````````````````````
TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER
10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
`````````````````
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX.....
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you so me.
6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.
1. You can do the whole neighborhood.
```````````````
Top Ten Signs You Know You've Joined A Redneck HMO...
10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape.
9. The only 100% covered expense is embalming.
8. Your Prozac comes in colors and has little "m"s on each pill.
7. Preventive Care Coverage includes "an apple a day".
6. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
5. The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy.
4. The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter.
3. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
2. Directions to the Dr.'s office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park".
1. The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter's
```````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Happy Thursday for all I'm sure, but as Wednesday's sun went down, my blood pressure went up.
Severe storms, with hail possible, is not something one wants to hear when one just got a new truck........and has no garage.
Therefore I'm taking up a 'garage collection'. Whatever you can spare.
I don't need spare tires though.
Fortunately the severe part of the storms passed us bye on either side. WHEW!
It did get rained on though, so I'm going to have to got out and wipe all of those spots off now.
Gotta go now. The Cowboys are on the move, and about to score again.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Poor Merlin is sick and going out in the rain to go potty every hour is like throwing him in the shower. Stay safe! 
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Space and all. Coffee and tea are ready. 
