Posted By: gymcandy1
Sip and Surf Sunday - 11/06/16 02:00 AM
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
Bob Marley
``````````````````
Athelete Quotes
Here are some quotes from famous atheletes that most likely explain why they can't seem to get regular jobs...
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: " I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl." Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.."
5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Now that is beautiful)
7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height. "And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."
8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."
11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)
12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"
13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.
15. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too [blip] ugly to kiss good-bye."
``````````````````
Autopsy Details
Your doctor has scheduled you for an autopsy on ___________ at _______ AM/PM. St. Amgems Hospital wants you to be prepared for what should be an eventful time. This guide should answer the most common questions in regard to your procedure. Please call your doctor's office if you have any further questions. Please remember, autopsies are performed on an "as needed" procedure. If you, or a qualified Medical Examiner chooses to cancel your autopsy, the Pathology department requires 24 hours notice.
WHAT IS AN AUTOPSY?
As advanced as medical science is, sometimes we need more thorough procedures to find out why your living status has been impaired. An autopsy can include CAT scans, X-rays, and surgical evaluation.
WILL IT INVOLVE SURGERY?
Yes. At times when there is a lack of obvious traumatic impact, surgery is needed. Your doctor may wish to examine your vital organs. This involves removal of the organs for the purpose of study. The contents of your stomach will also be examined, so we urge you not to take anything by mouth for 12 (twelve) hours before cessation of your existence or the procedure.
WILL IT HURT?
We certainly hope not. If at any time you're feeling uncomfortable, please feel free to alert the pathologist.
WHAT SHOULD I BRING?
We recommend a very large, empty suitcase. Ideally, your family should sign a "permission for disposal" form. If this has been done, you'll be provided with an effects bag and all unwanted matter will be disposed of in a device affectionately known as "Chuckie". It can also be helpful for you to bring anything that might have contributed to your current condition. This can include any drugs containers from medications you might have ingested.
WHEN CAN I RETURN TO WORK?
Not for a while. We suggest you worry about this after your autopsy.
WILL I HAVE A SCAR?
We take vanity in consideration. You may have a large "Y" shaped incision on your torso. There may also be some scalp incisions that can be covered by a competent professional.
WILL YOU LAUGH AT MY WEENIE?
Yes. Pathology is a profession fraught with stress and alcoholism. Your doctor may already have placed you in the Weenie Relocation Program (WRP) which means your weenie might end up in any number of body cavities, at the whim of your doctor. Should you not want us to laugh at your weenie, we suggest you dispose of it beforehand.
We at St. Amgems want your autopsy to be a positive experience and promise to treat your earthly remains with dignity and respect (aside from the weenie dealie). Please refer to our brochures "Cadaver's Bill of rights" and "So You're Dead. What Next?" for more information.
Remember, here at St. Amgems, our day starts when yours ends!
````````````````
Backhanded Comments
When you hear these comments don't assume their positive sound is all they indend to be. Backhanded comments really are a kicker.
"That dress is lovely; it does wonders for your figure."
"You're smarter than you look."
"You drive very well, for a woman."
"Your son is more handsome than I would have expected."
"You are attractive, for your age."
"You're actually kinda cute now that I've gotten to know you."
"You're not as heavy as people think you are."
"I don't care what anyone says about you, I think you are a fabulous person!"
"You're so smart, for an American."
"You don't sweat that much for a fat girl!"
"I'm amazed by the level of success readers have after following your advice."
"Your plastic surgeon has such a delightful sense of humor!"
"Relax, sweetie... you were perfectly adequate."
"You're more of a "street smart" kind of guy."
"You're not the kind of girl guys date; you're the kind of girl they marry."
"You're so evolved…for a man."
`````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to Sunny morning.
Do you know what time it is?
It's way too early to be reading this, so if you are, then turn your computer off and go back to bed.
I hope you all recoiled your clocks last night. You know....Spring forward/Recoil back.
My body recoils of it's own accord every morning when I wake up, so I don't need the clocks to do that.
I keep them all on East Coast time on the East side of my house, and West Coast time on the West side.
Then when I want to get some exercise, I walk across country from West bedroom to East bedroom.
If I'm too tired to walk back, I just sleep in the East bedroom.
My living room is on Central time of course.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Bob Marley
``````````````````
Athelete Quotes
Here are some quotes from famous atheletes that most likely explain why they can't seem to get regular jobs...
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: " I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl." Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.."
5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Now that is beautiful)
7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height. "And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."
8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."
11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)
12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"
13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.
15. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too [blip] ugly to kiss good-bye."
``````````````````
Autopsy Details
Your doctor has scheduled you for an autopsy on ___________ at _______ AM/PM. St. Amgems Hospital wants you to be prepared for what should be an eventful time. This guide should answer the most common questions in regard to your procedure. Please call your doctor's office if you have any further questions. Please remember, autopsies are performed on an "as needed" procedure. If you, or a qualified Medical Examiner chooses to cancel your autopsy, the Pathology department requires 24 hours notice.
WHAT IS AN AUTOPSY?
As advanced as medical science is, sometimes we need more thorough procedures to find out why your living status has been impaired. An autopsy can include CAT scans, X-rays, and surgical evaluation.
WILL IT INVOLVE SURGERY?
Yes. At times when there is a lack of obvious traumatic impact, surgery is needed. Your doctor may wish to examine your vital organs. This involves removal of the organs for the purpose of study. The contents of your stomach will also be examined, so we urge you not to take anything by mouth for 12 (twelve) hours before cessation of your existence or the procedure.
WILL IT HURT?
We certainly hope not. If at any time you're feeling uncomfortable, please feel free to alert the pathologist.
WHAT SHOULD I BRING?
We recommend a very large, empty suitcase. Ideally, your family should sign a "permission for disposal" form. If this has been done, you'll be provided with an effects bag and all unwanted matter will be disposed of in a device affectionately known as "Chuckie". It can also be helpful for you to bring anything that might have contributed to your current condition. This can include any drugs containers from medications you might have ingested.
WHEN CAN I RETURN TO WORK?
Not for a while. We suggest you worry about this after your autopsy.
WILL I HAVE A SCAR?
We take vanity in consideration. You may have a large "Y" shaped incision on your torso. There may also be some scalp incisions that can be covered by a competent professional.
WILL YOU LAUGH AT MY WEENIE?
Yes. Pathology is a profession fraught with stress and alcoholism. Your doctor may already have placed you in the Weenie Relocation Program (WRP) which means your weenie might end up in any number of body cavities, at the whim of your doctor. Should you not want us to laugh at your weenie, we suggest you dispose of it beforehand.
We at St. Amgems want your autopsy to be a positive experience and promise to treat your earthly remains with dignity and respect (aside from the weenie dealie). Please refer to our brochures "Cadaver's Bill of rights" and "So You're Dead. What Next?" for more information.
Remember, here at St. Amgems, our day starts when yours ends!
````````````````
Backhanded Comments
When you hear these comments don't assume their positive sound is all they indend to be. Backhanded comments really are a kicker.
"That dress is lovely; it does wonders for your figure."
"You're smarter than you look."
"You drive very well, for a woman."
"Your son is more handsome than I would have expected."
"You are attractive, for your age."
"You're actually kinda cute now that I've gotten to know you."
"You're not as heavy as people think you are."
"I don't care what anyone says about you, I think you are a fabulous person!"
"You're so smart, for an American."
"You don't sweat that much for a fat girl!"
"I'm amazed by the level of success readers have after following your advice."
"Your plastic surgeon has such a delightful sense of humor!"
"Relax, sweetie... you were perfectly adequate."
"You're more of a "street smart" kind of guy."
"You're not the kind of girl guys date; you're the kind of girl they marry."
"You're so evolved…for a man."
`````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to Sunny morning.
Do you know what time it is?
It's way too early to be reading this, so if you are, then turn your computer off and go back to bed.
I hope you all recoiled your clocks last night. You know....Spring forward/Recoil back.
My body recoils of it's own accord every morning when I wake up, so I don't need the clocks to do that.
I keep them all on East Coast time on the East side of my house, and West Coast time on the West side.
Then when I want to get some exercise, I walk across country from West bedroom to East bedroom.
If I'm too tired to walk back, I just sleep in the East bedroom.
My living room is on Central time of course.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Joe! I look forward to gaining an hour tonight but not looking forward to sunset coming so early. 
Hope you have a great Sunday.
Hope it's not too dark, and enjoy your extra hour. 
I'm definitely looking forward to gaining that extra hour. 
Ana have fun on your outing! 
Coffee and tea are ready.
Auto-set clocks are supposed to make life easier, instead, they take more time to figure out how to set manually than any other clock. Arrraaaghhhh!
