Posted By: gymcandy1
Sip'n and Surf'n New Year Sunday - 01/01/17 02:33 AM
Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.
Helen Keller
`````````````````
Lemon Car Signs
Looking for a car? Here are some telltale signs of cars you may want to avoid...
Motor Trend never mentioned a "Chevrolet Caca."
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Passenger-side "airbag" is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Car has spent more time on "60 Minutes" than on the road.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
Jaws of life in trunk.
The hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
Ralph Nader's home phone number written on dashboard.
The telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
Ralph Nader? Well that dates that one.
```````````````
Lessons In Logic
If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
````````````````
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
````````````````
Practice makes perfect.
But nobody's perfect
so why practice?
`````````````
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
```````````````
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
````````````````
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
````````````````
Money is not everything.
There's MasterCard & Visa.
``````````````
Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
`````````````
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
`````````````````
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
```````````
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
```````````````
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
````````````
"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep.
```````````````
There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning.
````````````
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk.
````````````
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours.
`````````````
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
`````````````
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So... why learn.
````````````````
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
what more can I say.
``````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I wish you all a happy day, and a very Happy New Year!
joe
Helen Keller
`````````````````
Lemon Car Signs
Looking for a car? Here are some telltale signs of cars you may want to avoid...
Motor Trend never mentioned a "Chevrolet Caca."
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Passenger-side "airbag" is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Car has spent more time on "60 Minutes" than on the road.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
Jaws of life in trunk.
The hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
Ralph Nader's home phone number written on dashboard.
The telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
Ralph Nader? Well that dates that one.
```````````````
Lessons In Logic
If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
````````````````
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
````````````````
Practice makes perfect.
But nobody's perfect
so why practice?
`````````````
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
```````````````
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
````````````````
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
````````````````
Money is not everything.
There's MasterCard & Visa.
``````````````
Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
`````````````
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
`````````````````
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
```````````
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
```````````````
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
````````````
"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep.
```````````````
There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning.
````````````
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk.
````````````
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours.
`````````````
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
`````````````
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So... why learn.
````````````````
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
what more can I say.
``````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I wish you all a happy day, and a very Happy New Year!
joe
He hadn't finished it yet, and now that he has, he says it's his favorite game. 
